Month: November 2011

Being a working mom is one tough gig. I should know; I spent my fair share of years as a working mom. I remember days that were flawlessly executed and went like clockwork, but of course…there are the OTHER days. The days where you question yourself and wonder if you are doing the right thing by working. Yes, it happens to every working mother.

So in honor of all working mothers, who tirelessly trudge forward on little sleep and extensive to do lists that never quite get completed, I would like to throw in my wisdom for surviving as a working mom fairly unscathed.

1.If you have something of extreme importance at work that you just can’t miss, chances are, your child will wake up sick. I’ve never done true research on this fact. However, I can tell you from experience that my kids were never sick on a day of NO importance. Please don’t encourage your child to tough it out and go to school— the guilt will kill you when you get the call from the school nurse half way through the day. Take the opportunity to slow down for the day and bond with your little one who will, undoubtedly, spend the day being very needy. Put it in perspective— nothing at work is THAT important.

2.Refrain from placing your kids in every extracurricular known to man, because this will make you (and your kid) lose your mind. Here’s a little something to think about: they can still be successful, great kids without taking part in every activity imaginable. I remember the year I carted my son Alex to piano, singing, baseball etc. Halfway through a baseball game, the coach told him it was his turn to bat again and he turned to him and said, “no thanks, I’m done and just want to go home”. He had just hit a triple so he wasn’t trying to avoid playing. I took a good look at the kid and it really hit home. All he wanted was some down time. Trust me, kids have plenty of years to enjoy their varied interests— don’t rush it.

3.If you feel that your teenager needs consequences for behavior, grounding him or her to the house after school will not be effective (if you are not there). In theory, this seemed like a good idea and a reasonable punishment at the time. In reality, this just didn’t work at all. I’m very glad that my son Zach was predictable: 9th grade— I just had to pull up to his girlfriend’s house to find him. 10th grade— I just had to pull up to his new girlfriends house to find him. Looking back, I really can’t remember what he was grounded for, and I definitely question my thought process for the situation. Grounding him without being present in the house strikes me now as quite naïve.

Being a working mom isn’t easy— everyone knows that. But when a working mom’s expectations of self are out of kilter, it just makes things that much harder. So relax, girlfriend, and be good to YOU!

By now, I’m sure everyone has gotten wind of what transpired at Penn State University. You can sense the seething anger in our country. The thought of so many young, vulnerable lives affected by one toxic individual in a position of power is disturbing, to say the least. On top of that, we’re consumed with anger at the thought of people being witnesses to this horror and keeping quiet. We can’t comprehend this silence and we imagine that if we were witnesses, we would stand by and protect a child. Faced with a situation like this, what would YOU really do?

A couple of months ago on a Saturday, I was working out at my gym. By 10:30, almost all the treadmills and elliptical machines were in use. I was deeply engrossed in an episode of Bonanza and was halfway through my workout when I heard something going on in the background. I felt compelled to take off my headphones and listen.

As I scanned the front desk, I immediately noticed that no one was up there. My eyes followed the “noise” in the gym until I stopped at a man and woman standing near the vacant front desk. The man was screaming at the woman and she was begging him to stop and quiet down. I listened carefully to better understand what was going on between the two of them. The more she asked him to quiet down, the louder and more aggressive he became.

I continued to watch for the next few seconds; she was sobbing and embarrassed as his voice got louder and his face got closer and closer to hers. As the altercation escalated, I listened to the words, “ You are a horrible mother, a horrible wife, you are worthless, and I should get rid of you”. With adrenalin racing through my body and the instinctive feeling that this man was out of control and about to get physical, I jumped off the elliptical and walked toward him. I wasn’t thinking at this point—
just reacting. What did I really think I was going to do? I walked over to him and as close as possible to his face while staring into his eyes. We glared at each other, and seconds later, he walked out.

I ran to the woman to see how she was doing. I questioned whether it was safe for her to go home and gave her some options and phone numbers if she needed help. Crying, she insisted she was fine and thanked me for the help.

My point is this; not one of the fifteen people in close range of the situation moved a muscle or even acknowledged in any way that something dangerous was taking place. Each person pretended like “it just wasn’t happening.” I’m sure that all the people there were very nice people that cared about others. If they had contemplated what they would do in a situation like this, they probably would have assumed that they would take action— at least make a call on their cell phone. However, that was not the case.

So girlfriend, the next time you’re put in this type of situation, what are YOU going to do? Will you stand by and pretend that you don’t see it happening? Will you convince yourself that you shouldn’t get involved? Will you rationalize the situation, like they did at Penn State, feeling that there is too much at risk to protect someone else? My hope is that you will find your Inner Sass and do the right thing!

Thanksgiving Day was a really big deal growing up in my house. By the time I woke up in the morning, my Mom was already busy cooking. As I walked down the stairs, I could smell the pumpkin pie baking in the oven. My mom would be busy in the kitchen, cutting up a fresh loaf of bread for stuffing while I ate my breakfast. After the stuffing was made, she would move on to the sweet potatoes and the cranberries. After I ate breakfast, I would plant myself in front of the T.V. to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

By the afternoon, the whole family would be watching football as my mother continued to cook. Off and on, I would venture in to see what I could sneak to eat or to talk to my Mom. I would set the table in the dining room (only used for special occasions) and count the hours until we all got together to eat. The point is that I have wonderful memories of Thanksgiving Day that involved great food, family time and lots of laughter.

About ten years ago, my husband got the brilliant idea to spend Thanksgiving in New York City. I believe he always harbored the childhood dream to experience the Thanksgiving Day Parade firsthand. After the first Thanksgiving in New York City, my kids were hooked. They loved the excitement in the city, the shopping during the holiday season, the Broadway plays and the Thanksgiving Day Parade. As for me, I endured. Begrudgingly, I went every year but failed to see what all the excitement was about.

So here’s the thing: I sorely missed my Thanksgiving experience from my childhood. It was a traditional experience and I believed in tradition. I imagined we were cheating our kids out of a REAL Thanksgiving. In my eyes, sitting in a restaurant on Thanksgiving was just wrong. The whole idea rubbed me the wrong way.

Then one year, as my husband went around the restaurant table to ask each family member what they were grateful for in life, it hit me. I looked at their faces and listened to their answers and realized they really got it! They were grateful for the New York experience and were so happy to be in our family. They commented on their love for each one of us at the table and how lucky they were to have us in their life. At that moment it dawned on me that I had it all wrong.

THIS WAS THEIR TRADITION! To them, this was their Thanksgiving. I realized that Thanksgiving wasn’t necessarily about homemade stuffing, turkey, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. Thanksgiving was a special day because you break your usual routine and spend a special day with the people you love. Thanksgiving is about being grateful for what you have in life and who you have in your life.

So this year, don’t miss the true meaning of Thanksgiving. It’s not about the perfect pie, it’s about taking the time to look around and recognize how lucky you are in life. Make this Thanksgiving the best one ever!

Announcement everyone! I have come to an important realization in life. Here it is: women often forget that they have CHOICES in life. If you were expecting something more exciting than that, I apologize. But the truth is, sometimes this exasperates me! Time after time, I’ll talk with a girlfriend that is struggling in her life and isn’t happy. As we get further into the problem, it becomes clear what it is that she needs to change to find happiness. I’ll ask her why she can’t change her life and she will get indignant— “Isn’t it obvious that I have no other choice than to continue down my current path?”

See, that’s the problem. Sometimes we get so used to being miserable that we forget that we don’t have to continue to be miserable.

During my varied career, I’ve had jobs I loved passionately and jobs that I endured. For the record, I am very bad at enduring a job. I need to feel passionately about what I’m doing in life. When I started out, I worked in retail operations for 9 years, quickly moving up with more responsibility. I was able to grow with the company and leave my mark on almost every part of the organization. But then, something changed. I wasn’t having fun anymore. I wasn’t excited about what I was doing. Suddenly, I was exhausted all the time. I counted down the days to the weekend and dreaded Monday morning phone calls with my boss. (Used to enjoy them.) My job as a District Manager had run its course and the opportunities to move up had disappeared.

The thing is, I was stuck. I talked and talked about how I was so unhappy and complained about all the minutiae that irritated me in my job. I doubt very much that listening to me was a good time. My husband would tell me to leave my job. My friends would tell me to get another job. But I saw no options. I insisted that I needed to stay. I would get indignant when people didn’t understand why I needed to continue at my job. Didn’t they see that I had no choice here? I made good money, I had a good job, and I would never find anything that compared to this.

Really? Let me say it again. Sometimes we get so used to being miserable that we forget that we don’t have to be miserable. It becomes comfortable. We do have choices— we always have choices. Insisting that we don’t have a choice IS A CHOICE! We are making our choice, after all.

So I am asking all of you right now— are you in a situation where you are unhappy? Do you tell yourself that you don’t have a choice in the matter, and you must continue down your current path? Some of you might be thinking to yourself right now that I’m wrong— sometimes you don’t have a choice. But the truth is, we always have choices, and there are always alternatives to your situation— you just have to be creative in your problem solving and think positive. Maybe the question you really need to ask yourself is this: are you comfortable with being happy?

Are you one of those girlfriends that are always in a hurry in life? I’ve seen you before— you’re the one that’s always running somewhere: to the grocery store, to pick up your kids up from their friends houses, to drop your kids off at school, to countless meetings and errands. Not only do you have ten things going on at once, but you’re also on the phone while you are actively doing the ten things.  Does your life ever feel like you are running a marathon that is never going to end?

I was shopping at Old Navy a few days ago. It was a good day to be there, since they had a sale on certain items for 60-75% off.  I tried a couple pieces on, found what worked and eventually got in the line.  They had four sales clerks efficiently working the desk.  As I stood in line, I noticed a woman behind me.  She commented on the sale prices and I made small talk with her.  Anyone that knows me is aware that it isn’t terribly difficult to get me to start talking.  As we talked, she informed me that I was next in line and there was a sales clerk open.  Obviously, she was in a hurry. I scanned the desk and saw that the only sales clerk open was busy on the phone and was not making eye contact with me. I kept my eye on her to see when she would be finished with the call and ready to help the next customer.

I can only assume that the woman behind me became agitated due to my relaxed approach to the whole situation.  And that’s when it happened— she physically pushed me!! Yes girlfriends, she took both of her hands and she pushed me on my back so I would move to the clerk.  No, she didn’t tap me, and no, she didn’t verbalize that I needed to move— she just hauled off and shoved me.  Startled, I moved forward, thanks to the momentum of the shove. The only problem was that there was still no sales clerk available to help me!

As I stood there laughing (yes, I was laughing), a sales clerk became available.  She rang up my clothes while I shared with her how I was physically assaulted in the line. Still laughing as I explained the situation, the clerk looked equally horrified by my story and my reaction. On my drive home, I tried to make sense of this whole experience.

Let’s give this woman the benefit of the doubt. She had to have been in a hurry because she was late for a “life or death” commitment…right? O.K.— maybe I’m not so sure. The reality of the situation was this: pushing me probably didn’t even buy her a measly 10 more seconds in her day.  So I ask, was it worth it?  I believe that we as women sometimes get on a gerbil wheel, so used to spinning and spinning that we don’t even know WHY we are in a hurry anymore.  I am going to assume that is exactly what happened to my aggressive friend.

Be honest, have you ever felt like this?  If so, my advice to you is to slow down!  If you’re too busy, take a good look at your life and prioritize— decide what to keep in your life and what to eliminate. Accept the fact that you can’t do everything and be everywhere. Look around you and start enjoying life.  If hurrying has become a way of life, do some hard thinking and make some changes.  Life is not always about traveling in the fast lane!