Month: February 2012

As everyone knows, I’m a strong supporter of women who think big.  That’s why I just love the whole idea behind Bad Girl Ventures.  This great non-profit micro-lending organization is dedicated to giving women the tools they need to grow their own business.  With their guidance, women can achieve their life-long dreams.

 

The other day I was lucky enough to sit down with one of the past winners of the graduating class of Bad Girl Ventures, Stacey Shiring.  Stacy started her own website design company, Shiring Design, in 2009. But that just wasn’t enough for Stacey, because apparently Stacey thinks big.  This year, Stacey started Bridal Divas Ink, a company that designs custom wedding invitations for brides-to-be.  Stacey knew that this new business would be different than anything else she had ever experienced, so she went looking for help.  Bad Girl Ventures gave her the financial, emotional and educational support that she needed to achieve her goals.

 

When I come across women that think big, I’m always searching for the characteristics that set them apart from their peers.  What makes them special and unique? It didn’t take me long to make my list after talking to Stacey.

 

Don’t be scared to take a chance in life.

Stacey understands that in order to be successful, you have to be fearless. She once told me that a businessman confided to her that he had been bankrupt 8 different times before he became a success. This really resonated with her. She realizes that starting a business means there will be times when you’re on top of the world, and others where you feel like you’re at the bottom of the garbage heap. The act of failing just means you pick yourself up and try again.  She accepts that as part of the liability of owning your own business and she is okay with that.

 

You need to love “getting there”.

It’s clear to me that Stacey is passionate about the growth process in a business. Starting with just an idea and then developing a coordinated detailed plan to achieve your goals is truly exciting to her.  Although she looks forward to reaching her end goal, it is evident that the actual process gives her much satisfaction. She is enjoying the ride.

 

You have to be able to admit when you don’t know everything.

In fact, Stacey acknowledges that she had a lot to learn when she started her second business.  She knew that growing this business would be very different from the first. She commits daily to the fact that successful women always need to be open to hearing that they might be wrong.  If there’s a better way to do something, she wants to know what that is.  She feels that this is key to being a success in her field.

 

You must be one with change.

Stacey has made a lot of changes in her life. She started school as an Opera Major before making a change to the DAPP program at U.C. She’s able to shift easily with ideas and direction without getting rattled. If she makes a mistake, she just doesn’t have time to fixate on it.  She sees this as a huge waste of her energy. Instead, she just keeps trudging forward.  Change is all around you when you’re running a new business.

 

After speaking with Stacey, I’m convinced that this is a girlfriend that has found her inner sass.  She is fearless and thinks big.  She finds change exhilarating and is open to new and better ways to accomplish her goals. She believes in herself and goes after what she wants in life. I have no doubt that Stacey will accomplish her lofty goals.

Are you happy?  Do you wake up in the morning excited to tackle your day?  In my line of work, I come across many girlfriends that are searching for the secrets to finding happiness and success in their professional and personal life.  From where I sit, there are a couple themes that keeping popping up in the lives of women that are struggling to achieve their “sass”.

 

You are waiting for others to change your universe.

If I had a penny for every time I saw this one, I would be quite wealthy by now!  Stop waiting for someone or something else to change your life. If it’s a marriage, you need to figure out how to make YOU happy.  If it’s a job, find out what YOU can change in your career to achieve your goals. YOU are the captain of your own ship.   You are in charge of steering the ship to your desired destination. Only you have the control to change your direction.

 

You surround yourself with people that don’t bring out the BEST in you.

If there are toxic people in your life, take some action now!  It’s very possible that some of these people are family or close friends.  If so, you need to reassess what part they should be allowed to play in your life.  So how do you know if they’re bad for you?  When you’re finished spending time with these individuals, you’re exhausted and unhappy.  You feel as if the life has been sucked out of you.  Draw some lines in the sand and take care of yourself.

 

You focus on what you DON’T have instead of what you DO have in your life.

There are times in our lives when each one of us falls into this line of thinking.  However, there are some girlfriends that don’t just take a vacation here— they stay here for an eternity!  They spend their lives always thinking the grass is greener across the street.  You have absolutely nothing to gain by living your life in this manner. You know, there really is something to this gratefulness thing everyone is talking about!

 

You are so obsessed with looking back, that you miss the awesome possibilities in the present and future.

The only thing that you have to gain by looking in the past is a better understanding of where things may have “gone wrong”.  Once you have this self-awareness, you can move forward to make the changes needed to be happy and healthy in the future.  You can change the patterns and behaviors that are holding you back.  Beyond that, the past is the past.  Let go of this negative pattern and live for today.

 

You get way too comfortable in your life and refuse to move forward

Welcome to 2012! Life changes and your ability to roll with those changes are pivotal to your happiness and success. I have seen girlfriends dig in their heels and refuse to step outside their comfort zone. What’s the worst that can happen— you feel a bit uncomfortable?  If you want to be happy and successful then you need to keep challenging yourself.  Consider whether you are challenging yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally and incorporate this mentality into your life.

 

Girlfriends, don’t become a victim to one of these poisonous behaviors.  Recognize your negative pattern and get help, if needed, to make some changes in your life. You deserve so much better!

There are times when it is difficult for us to see all the possibilities that are present in our life. When we hit a downward spiral in our lives, we are often so focused on the emotions involved in this bad turn that we miss the opportunities that truly exist.  The pain that comes in the form of anger, disappointment, jealousy and fear seems to suck up all our energy and focus. So much in fact, that we often miss the great opportunity that’s right in front of our eyes.

 

I know a girlfriend that worked numerous years in her position in a large well-known corporation.  Slowly, she worked her way up to a great salary and a job she could count on, thanks to her dedication of time and energy. Through the years, there were times when she liked her job and there were many other times when she did not. She’s stayed in this position because of the safety, security and wonderful benefits that this organization has offered her.

 

Recently, she was called to a meeting where she was informed that her division in the company was being dissolved. The group of employees was told that this major change would take place very soon. Imagine the shock of this announcement!  The company also informed her and her co-workers that they would be placed in a temporary position until further notice.  At this point, she was three years away from retirement.

 

We can all imagine the emotions that this girlfriend was feeling. She put in her time and this is how she was being rewarded! Her anger is palpable every time she opens her mouth.  Although her anger is to be expected in this situation, her emotions are getting in the way of her ability to see the possibilities.

 

What possibilities, you ask? Well, at the present moment, this girlfriend feels that she has only one choice. She is focused on the fact that she’s lost her valued position and has been temporarily moved to an unknown situation. She’s stuck in swirling emotion and can’t see outside of this feeling. But here’s the reality: if she can get out of her own way, maybe she can see what opportunities she really has in this situation.

 

If she could do a little brainstorming and thinking “outside the box”, maybe she could find an even more rewarding job. Why can’t she be creative and imagine what other talents she would love to use in the same organization?  Why not do a little snooping and find out other possible positions that might be a good fit or the names of whom she should connect with?  She could be proactive: develop a well thought out proposal and convince the supervisors that she belongs in this new area. Maybe she could take a totally different tactic and decide to leave to explore her passions.  The point is that she could actually end up in a much better place than she was before! Instead, she’s wasting her time lamenting her lot in life.

 

I’m a firm believer in taking charge and making things happen. Open your eyes, look around and see all the possibilities. Don’t allow others to dictate your happiness in life.  Alexander Graham Bell had it right— “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I first heard the news while I was working out at the gym. I was 25 minutes into my workout on the elliptical when the Today Show announced that Seal and Heidi Klum were separating and headed for divorce.  As the anchors continued to discuss the separation, they read a statement from the star’s publicists stating how much love and respect they have for each other.  Heidi and Seal hoped that the separation process was as smooth as possible.  I was shocked to say the least.

 

Let me digress for a moment. We’re all aware that it’s extremely difficult to make a relationship last when you are a celebrity. However, it appeared that they were different from the others in Hollywood.  They had found the secret to long lasting love. Every picture I saw of the two of them showed a couple very much in love.  Every article I read about the two of them discussed their strong devotion to each other and their four children.  In fact, it was common knowledge that every year Heidi and Seal renewed their vows to each other.

 

The thing is, I’ve always had this vision of Seal and Heidi having the PERFECT marriage.  I bet you did as well.  Why wouldn’t I be shocked to hear that they were ending their marriage? They always looked so happy together and openly talked about their happiness on every show they appeared on. They shared their secrets to having bliss in a relationship in every magazine article. They made numerous public displays of affection. So why did they have to let me down?

 

Relationships are difficult. I don’t know anyone that would dispute that fact.  As time goes on in a relationship, both individuals need to work hard to nurture the relationship.  If one of the individuals stops trying, the relationship will falter.  I hate to say it, but there’s no such thing as perfect love.  Every relationship is fragile and needs constant watering and care by both parties in order for it to thrive. Even in Hollywood.

 

Often, we get caught up in the illusion of love.  Face it— our lives can be pretty mundane compared to celebrities. Seal and Heidi’s lives seemed downright glamorous. They appeared to have it all.  Maybe we began to buy in to their illusion, the world they wanted to paint for us.  When you look back, you begin to wonder whether Heidi and Seal were trying to convince themselves as much as us, that everything was wonderful.

 

The next time you begin to ponder why your relationship is not as great as your neighbors or your friends, think again. There is no perfect love or perfect guy. My mother use to say, “no one knows what goes on behind closed doors”.  That perfect marriage you covet is probably not as perfect as you think. Take that energy that you’re wasting on the illusion and invest it into your own relationship.  You’ll be glad you did.