What’s Important

images life waterA friend recently connected me with a woman that was in town to film a documentary. The film team asked me if I was willing to be interviewed the very next day.  Since it fit into my calendar, I said yes and didn’t give it much more thought.

 

We had all made our introductions when I finally got around to inquiring of the documentary topic.  I just assumed that I had been singled out to discuss women and leadership. I was mentally prepared to discuss the challenges that women face today in the workplace. However, I was way off base. Ashley was a Child Psychologist at the University of Hawaii and taught a class on culture across lifespans.  As the interview started, she informed me that I didn’t have to answer any question if I felt uncomfortable.  I smiled and said that I was an open book and didn’t mind talking.

 

We talked for about an hour and she didn’t leave many stones unturned.  She was curious about the transitions in my life and how it led me to where I am today. We discussed careers and kids and my view on how to manage work/life balance.  She wanted to know about each of my children and how and why they were different. She was very curious about my 33-year marriage and what I believed was the secret to staying married such a long time.

 

Since this interview was truly about culture, we spent some time discussing my childhood and how I raised my own children.  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and our time was over. The event had truly been a wonderful experience.

 

As I walked out, I gave thought to why I had enjoyed myself so much.  I realized that it had given me the opportunity to take a good look at my life.  It enabled me to objectively talk about my children, my husband, and my career and make the realization that I had a lot to be grateful for in life. The pointed questions that she asked had encouraged me to talk about many things that don’t usually come up in conversation. It was a good feeling to reminisce.

 

The whole experience made me consider that we spend too many days focusing on what’s wrong in our life and not enough on what’s going right.  We can become obsessed with the people that disappoint us, or the things that we wish would be different. We lust for the things that we don’t possess or worry about things that, chances are, won’t happen.  In our minds, we assume that if we had this different life, then everything would be better. Then, we would have the life that we always wanted.

 

The interview actually made me realize my contentment.  No— things aren’t perfect. My back still hurts and I still have this annoying sinus problem that won’t go away.  However, things could be much worse, so I work around the stuff that’s not perfect.  The point is that I’m very clear on what’s important in my life. I refuse to waste time on the things that truly don’t matter.

 

What’s Important

images life waterA friend recently connected me with a woman that was in town to film a documentary. The film team asked me if I was willing to be interviewed the very next day.  Since it fit into my calendar, I said yes and didn’t give it much more thought.

 

We had all made our introductions when I finally got around to inquiring of the documentary topic.  I just assumed that I had been singled out to discuss women and leadership. I was mentally prepared to discuss the challenges that women face today in the workplace. However, I was way off base. Ashley was a Child Psychologist at the University of Hawaii and taught a class on culture across lifespans.  As the interview started, she informed me that I didn’t have to answer any question if I felt uncomfortable.  I smiled and said that I was an open book and didn’t mind talking.

 

We talked for about an hour and she didn’t leave many stones unturned.  She was curious about the transitions in my life and how it led me to where I am today. We discussed careers and kids and my view on how to manage work/life balance.  She wanted to know about each of my children and how and why they were different. She was very curious about my 33-year marriage and what I believed was the secret to staying married such a long time.

 

Since this interview was truly about culture, we spent some time discussing my childhood and how I raised my own children.  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and our time was over. The event had truly been a wonderful experience.

 

As I walked out, I gave thought to why I had enjoyed myself so much.  I realized that it had given me the opportunity to take a good look at my life.  It enabled me to objectively talk about my children, my husband, and my career and make the realization that I had a lot to be grateful for in life. The pointed questions that she asked had encouraged me to talk about many things that don’t usually come up in conversation. It was a good feeling to reminisce.

 

The whole experience made me consider that we spend too many days focusing on what’s wrong in our life and not enough on what’s going right.  We can become obsessed with the people that disappoint us, or the things that we wish would be different. We lust for the things that we don’t possess or worry about things that, chances are, won’t happen.  In our minds, we assume that if we had this different life, then everything would be better. Then, we would have the life that we always wanted.

 

The interview actually made me realize my contentment.  No— things aren’t perfect. My back still hurts and I still have this annoying sinus problem that won’t go away.  However, things could be much worse, so I work around the stuff that’s not perfect.  The point is that I’m very clear on what’s important in my life. I refuse to waste time on the things that truly don’t matter.

 

Mistakes

images erasing mistake

 

“A person who makes few mistakes makes little progress” –Bryant McGill

 

When I was in grade school, the teachers would keep a poster board with each child’s name and the results of the weekly spelling test.  If you received 100% on the test, you were gifted with a gold star.  I remember studying the poster board with intensity to make sure that I had gold stars for every week of the year. Did you really do poorly if you received a 95% on the test?  Of course not, it was graded as an A.

But still, it certainly wasn’t gold star material.  The reality was that the 95% didn’t display perfection— you had made a mistake.

 

The need for perfection is ingrained in each one of you during your formative years. You learn at a very young age that the goal is to not make any errors. Completing each task perfectly will be rewarded, while making mistakes will not. If you don’t believe me, just look at the attention a young adult receives for acing their College ACT exam. I admit, it is quite a feat; however, if the same young adult makes a few mistakes on the exam, they don’t receive near the same fanfare for such an extraordinary accomplishment.

 

I tend to think that making mistakes can be a healthy and much needed experience in life.

 

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new” –Albert Einstein

 

Being fearful of making mistakes in life can hold you back from trying new experiences.

I learned how to ski when I was 40 years old. I would rate my skiing skills as intermediate.  I’m not a phenomenal skier but I can hold my own and I don’t embarrass myself too much. I’ve been told that I look pretty good coming down the mountain— that’s enough for me.  However, I certainly do my fair share of falling. In fact, the first time I fall during each ski trip is always a relief. I think to myself, “glad I got that out of the way”. Frankly, I think that my willingness to make a mistake (and take my share of falls) is the reason that I can enjoy the sport. I might not be the best, but I still can have a great time.

 

Making mistakes can be an opportunity for growth. 

Life is about taking risks and sometimes failing at your endeavors.  Although none of us enjoy the experience of “messing up”, it often teaches you much more than one where you succeed. While you’re going through the process, it can seem like it’s the end of the world. However, as crazy as it sounds, you need those opportunities in life to make a mistake and then be forced to make things right.  As painful as the experience can be, they help you grow and develop into your absolute best self.

 

We all make mistakes now and then but it’s important to remember:

Making a mistake can lead you to an even better place in life.

Empathy

images empathyWhile doing some research for an upcoming workshop, I suddenly remembered a work incident from many years ago. Picture this: I’m sitting at a meeting with my managers and discussing some drastic changes that were about to majorly impact each one of them.  A few of the changes would be positive but the majority of them would be negative. Frankly, these changes were hard to swallow and I was facing an uphill battle in this room.

 

At the time, I was young and I was managing on pure instinct. I hadn’t read any books and I certainly didn’t have the experiences and knowledge about implementing change that I have today.  However, I did have one skill that served me well in this situation— empathy.

 

I listened patiently to their whining and complaining.  Did I agree with their complaints? Sometimes. However, I knew that wasn’t the point.  I sensed that they needed to voice their feelings, fears and doubts before they could move on.  I had a strategy to get them on board and I knew that forcing them to move forward without listening to their concerns would never work.

 

How did I know? Because I asked myself— would it work with me?  How would I feel? What would I need to move on from that place and accept the changes?

 

First, I would need someone to validate my concerns and show understanding.

 

In business, we don’t all see eye to eye on developing soft skills, such as empathy. The concept just seems way too abstract to be taken seriously in the workplace. But the ability to relate to people, to understand and sense how they’re feeling, is pivotal to every leader’s influence. The ability to put yourself in other’s shoes and imagine what they’re thinking and feeling is crucial to your success as a leader.

 

That doesn’t mean you need to agree with everything that’s being said because…you wont.  It does mean, however, that you need to be able to nonjudgmentally listen, with appropriate non-verbal communication that displays an acceptance of their feelings and needs. This is how respect and trust is earned, and believe me—

Influence will follow.

 

It doesn’t matter if you spend your days managing a team/company or trying to close deals for your growing business. Empathy, a necessary ingredient to having resilience, is key to you paving your way to your goals.

 

Your workdays are busy and you have a lot to accomplish.  Sometimes, you can become too self-focused and stuck inside your own head, busy considering the many things that YOU need to complete. You can spend a lot of time looking inward and focusing on your own goals instead of looking outward. However, having empathy enables you, a leader, to sense the temperature of your surroundings— a necessary skill in your arsenal. Your ability to put aside your own goals for a few minutes, reach out with empathy and listen to what others need to succeed in their jobs can ultimately decide your path in life.