Making Judgments

Recently, I was talking with a friend that had just lost her mother. She was telling me a little about her when I asked her if she had any other siblings in the area.

She told me that she had two siblings that lived in town and two that lived out of town. I did the computation in my head and realized that by today’s standards, she came from a large family.

 

Are you Catholic, I asked? You have a large family and there are so many of that faith that live in that subdivision.

 

She laughed and said no. She mentioned that she hears that a lot.

 

Can we all agree that I just made a JUDGMENT?

 

I realized it as soon as it came out of my mouth. Without being aware of what I was doing, I put all the available data together and made my assessment. My assessment was incorrect and was based on inconclusive evidence. However, my need to categorize and make sense of the situation was so strong that it drove my behavior.

 

Why do we do this? Our ancestors were instinctively hard wired for survival. Their ability to assess their environment and search for dangers and risks helped them stay alive. They had to make quick judgments about their environment for adaptation and survival purposes.

 

However, in today’s world, this skill can cause all kinds of trouble for you. Your need to categorize situations and people encourages judgment calls that can be way off base. When your brain doesn’t have all the necessary information, it automatically fills in the gaps. You have an innate need to quickly make sense of your surroundings.

 

That’s when your assessment turns out to be incorrect.

 

The reason I bring this point up is because I believe that making judgments can stand in your way of being happy, productive and successful in your life. You are asked to make judgments in your job, in your everyday life and at home. When you make decisions about people and situations based on your first thought and response, you can be missing out on some great people and outstanding experiences.

 

You can’t stop your brain from performing this task every time you encounter a situation. What you CAN do is recognize that first thought and assessment and decide whether you want to agree with it or not. Do you need more information? Is there more to this situation than it may seem at first glance?

 

You can push yourself to be mindful and think it through better before you open your mouth and take action. Now think about how this action can change your life. Maybe you will give that person you are interviewing a second look and not eliminate them based on their dress. Maybe they will turn out to be your absolute best employee ever. What about that guy you see at work that always talks to you? Why not give him a second chance? He doesn’t look or dress like you, but he’s really friendly. The list goes on and on.

 

So what I’m asking you to do is have the conversation in your head. You will ALWAYS have that first thought, but try to replace it with some good questions and try to call yourself out on your quick judgments.

 

 

Facing Challenges

Last week, I went skiing in Colorado and had an exhausting, but great time. Much of my energy was spent trying to stay upright and not trying to be too anxious about flying down the hills. Most of the time, my husband would ski ahead of me and then I would try to catch up, carefully and slowly, for fear of taking a big tumble.

 

As I was coming down the mountain, I caught a glimpse of a skier out of the corner of my eye. This skier was moving at a good pace down the mountain. The second glimpse revealed two ski instructors working with him. My first thought was how you must have money to burn to have two ski instructors working with you. (I think that we can all agree I just made another judgment).

 

When I really took a good look at the situation, I realized that the skier moving at a fast clip had a caution sign on his back that read, “Blind Skier”.

 

Yes, that’s right, that skier that was moving as fast, or faster than me, was blind. Can you believe it? That just blew my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it as I made my way down the mountain.

 

We are capable of much more than we think we are.

Everyday, I talk to people that tell me what they can’t do or accomplish. They are very certain about WHY they can’t do things and have a whole rationalization in place to prove their point. They are terrified of change and of getting outside their comfort zone. Now imagine having the guts and courage to ski fast down a hill while not being able to see. You need to trust yourself and dig down deep to find the confidence to take on such a feat. You know that little step forward that you are struggling to make? Maybe it isn’t so overwhelming after all. Maybe it’s just getting bigger and bigger in your head, the more you think about it. My suggestion to you is to stop thinking so much and just do it. Break out of that pattern and take a chance. If this guy can do it, I’m sure you can do it too!

 

 

When we lose one strength, we can develop other strengths to help us through life.

How did that guy navigate that mountain without his sight? I imagine that he had developed other senses to help him. He heard the crunch of the snow beneath his skis and knew what each sound meant. He felt the vibration of the skis and learned to trust his body’s reactions to each movement forward. He didn’t have his sense of sight anymore, so he was compelled to develop other strengths to get him through the experience. The same thing can be said for us. We can’t stop learning and growing. As we grow, we may be no longer able to use certain strengths or skills. However, we must be creative in developing strategies to overcome these limitations. They are only limitations if we say that they are limitations.

 

I have a message for all of you out there who are scared to move forward in life— take a chance. If my friend the blind skier can do it, I’m pretty sure that you can find the courage to take a leap of faith.