Finding Your Courage

cat-and-lion-imageLast week I was in LA, celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. One of my favorite experiences with my husband and son was going on a great hike at Griffith Park. The weather was absolutely perfect and definitely beat Cincinnati weather.

As we started on the trail, I mentioned to my son that I think he misunderstood what I had in mind for the hike. You see, when we began, it was mostly smooth and flat. He reassured me that this was just the beginning and I would definitely get to have some real rigorous hiking time.

 

As we continued, I began to work a little harder getting up the hills. Up and down we went, as I felt my heart pounding hard to keep up with them. He had been right because I was definitely pushing myself. We didn’t have a time restriction so we just climbed wherever we wanted and marveled at the great views overlooking the city.

 

As we turned the corner, my son saw a trail that he thought we should try. I noticed that no one else was on this small trail. I brought up the rear and as I got further into the trek, I realized that this was quite the rigorous path. There I was, rock climbing and using my hands and feet to hold on to the dirt. I continued to climb, wondering if we should truly be doing this. As I grabbed the dirt to hold on, I looked up to see how much further I had to go. It was ironic to go from feeling like I wasn’t going to be challenged to the point where I was hoping for this experience to be over. My son yelled at the top and I saw people standing up there on the wide cement path overlooking my climb. When I got to the top, I saw that our trail was blocked off and had a caution sign. I had to climb over all of this to get out of the trail. A number of people were staring at me as I jumped over the roped off area and turned around to read the sign.

 

Caution: Rattlesnakes in This Area— Keep Out.

 

No wonder they were staring at me. They were shocked that I was so brave to risk that climb up. They thought that I had great courage to attempt that feat— despite the warning.

 

Do you really think I would have climbed that trail if I knew the truth? I thought back to putting each hand in the dirt and rocks and taking my time up that hill. I was pretty freaked out.

 

Now back to that COURAGE thing. I didn’t know that I was risking something when I started up that trail. So that doesn’t count for HAVING COURAGE.

No, courage happens when you know all the possible risks before you start, you understand what you have to lose, and you have the guts to do it anyway.

 

You risk losing something that is valuable to you but you do it anyway. You do it because you know it’s the right thing to do. You get way out of your comfort zone and take a risk— despite all the warning signs.

 

Courage is an important trait to possess as a leader. The ability to look in the mirror and see your self clearly, warts and all, takes courage. The ability to deliver devastating news to someone, takes courage. The ability to listen to your gut when everyone disagrees with you, takes a whole lot of courage.

 

The ability to make a decision that comes with big risks, definitely takes COURAGE.

 

Give a thought to the last 6 months. Did you make decisions that were safe because you didn’t want to rock the boat? Did you put off that difficult conversation because it’s just easier that way? Did you stay where you are because you know what to expect there? Did you agree with everyone instead of saying what you truly feel is right?

 

Are you a courageous leader? The time to start becoming one is NOW.

 

 

 

Face your Fears

Recently, I used a magic wand in a speaking presentation.  It happens to be one of my favorite props for a number of reasons.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all we needed to do was raise our magic wand and poof— all our fears and challenges in life would just go away? In just one wave of a wand, you could have your perfect carefree life, devoid of all the distress and challenges. Many women I come across think that it’s just that easy.

 

When I was in grade school, I was deathly afraid of speaking in front of the class, which I’m sure is very hard to believe. However, this confession is true.  In fact, my fear was so real that I would actually be in terror from the day I was assigned the date of my presentation to the day I finally presented.  On a regular basis, I would work myself up into such a panic that I would get genuinely sick on my appointed day to speak.  My fear was all encompassing.

 

Now, I’m not sure from where this fear originated. I don’t recollect any traumatic experiences during a class presentation, I just remember being so incredibly scared that I couldn’t even function.  Throughout Junior High and High School, this same fear didn’t leave me. The thought of standing in front of everyone was just horrifying to me.  In each speaking experience, I went through the same dreaded feelings and the same apprehension beforehand.

 

When I went away to college, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to live my life hiding in fear any longer.  My mother had always taught me to face confrontation and problems head-on and that’s exactly what I intended to do.  You know why? Because the feeling I had when backing down to my fear was worst than the actual fear. The feelings I experienced while giving in to this challenge was hurting my self-esteem. I decided that taking a speech class was the best way to tackle the issue.

 

Something funny happened on the way to confronting my fear: I realized that I was a pretty good speaker.  Sure, the first week was dicey, but as time went on, I just got better and better. Each week, I gained a little more confidence and assurance in my presentation skills.  By the end of the class, I was actually enjoying myself.  My fear had vanished and as unbelievable as it sounds, there was excitement and enjoyment in its place.

 

Now, back to the magic wand. I’m sorry to say that there’s no quick fix to overcoming your fears. There’s no short cut to gaining courage and confidence in life.  I talk to plenty of women that want to believe they can put a band-aid on the problem and call it a day.  The truth is that your courage, confidence or “inner sass” grows with life experiences. It strengthens when you confront your demons and refuse to back down regardless of how anxious, uncomfortable and miserable you become during the process.

 

I don’t know what’s on your list of fears but I do know one thing for sure— not confronting your fear slowly chips away at your confidence and self-worth. You might not be conscious of this fact but it’s true.

 

My advice to you is to throw away the magic wand and do the hard work. Whatever you fear is probably way past it’s expiration date.

Face your Fears

Recently, I used a magic wand in a speaking presentation.  It happens to be one of my favorite props for a number of reasons.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all we needed to do was raise our magic wand and poof— all our fears and challenges in life would just go away? In just one wave of a wand, you could have your perfect carefree life, devoid of all the distress and challenges. Many women I come across think that it’s just that easy.

 

When I was in grade school, I was deathly afraid of speaking in front of the class, which I’m sure is very hard to believe. However, this confession is true.  In fact, my fear was so real that I would actually be in terror from the day I was assigned the date of my presentation to the day I finally presented.  On a regular basis, I would work myself up into such a panic that I would get genuinely sick on my appointed day to speak.  My fear was all encompassing.

 

Now, I’m not sure from where this fear originated. I don’t recollect any traumatic experiences during a class presentation, I just remember being so incredibly scared that I couldn’t even function.  Throughout Junior High and High School, this same fear didn’t leave me. The thought of standing in front of everyone was just horrifying to me.  In each speaking experience, I went through the same dreaded feelings and the same apprehension beforehand.

 

When I went away to college, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to live my life hiding in fear any longer.  My mother had always taught me to face confrontation and problems head-on and that’s exactly what I intended to do.  You know why? Because the feeling I had when backing down to my fear was worst than the actual fear. The feelings I experienced while giving in to this challenge was hurting my self-esteem. I decided that taking a speech class was the best way to tackle the issue.

 

Something funny happened on the way to confronting my fear: I realized that I was a pretty good speaker.  Sure, the first week was dicey, but as time went on, I just got better and better. Each week, I gained a little more confidence and assurance in my presentation skills.  By the end of the class, I was actually enjoying myself.  My fear had vanished and as unbelievable as it sounds, there was excitement and enjoyment in its place.

 

Now, back to the magic wand. I’m sorry to say that there’s no quick fix to overcoming your fears. There’s no short cut to gaining courage and confidence in life.  I talk to plenty of women that want to believe they can put a band-aid on the problem and call it a day.  The truth is that your courage, confidence or “inner sass” grows with life experiences. It strengthens when you confront your demons and refuse to back down regardless of how anxious, uncomfortable and miserable you become during the process.

 

I don’t know what’s on your list of fears but I do know one thing for sure— not confronting your fear slowly chips away at your confidence and self-worth. You might not be conscious of this fact but it’s true.

 

My advice to you is to throw away the magic wand and do the hard work. Whatever you fear is probably way past it’s expiration date.

Rules

Yesterday, I traveled to Columbus to visit my sister. It was her birthday and I wanted to take her out to lunch. After discussing our many options, we settled on our destination and made our way to the restaurant. As we were walking to the door, she commented on my shorts.

 

“Are you wearing white shorts because it’s the last day you can wear them?” She then shared that that was why she had decided to wear her white shorts. This was the last time she could have them on until next year because it was Labor Day. I thought about her comment for a few seconds before responding to her statement.  I replied that it really hadn’t occurred to me that this was my last wearing before I was forced to put my shorts in the drawer.

 

Mind you, I said all of this with a smirk on my face and a sarcastic tone. I then asked her why it was acceptable to wear a white shirt anytime of the year, but white on the bottom half of your body was unacceptable after Labor Day?  This last question didn’t bode well with her.  She shared that she didn’t care what I decided to do, but she always abides by the rule.

 

The next morning, I woke up and went to work out. After my shower, I perused my closet to decide what to wear. I caught sight of my white pants and replayed in my head the whole conversation from the day before.  With a smile on my face, I grabbed the pants off the hanger and proudly put them on.

 

Yes, it was quite a rebellious act.  I was wearing my white pants the day after Labor Day! I tried to pay attention during the day to see if anything unusual would transpire from this risky decision. I don’t want to disappoint you, but absolutely nothing happened.   No one stopped and told me that I had to go home and change. The waitress did not refuse to serve me lunch at the restaurant.  I didn’t see one stare or whisper about my lack of fashion sense. In fact, I felt incredibly sassy all day.

 

I suppose the big question to ponder is this:

Why do women abide by rules that make absolutely no sense? Why wouldn’t you do what feels right to you? Why wouldn’t you just trust your own judgment?

 

It’s very possible that you were, like many women, taught at a young age to be agreeable and follow the rules. You were probably encouraged to please others and were rewarded for doing so.  Even if you’ve become strong and confident, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. You might blindly adhere to the rules that others have set for you without giving thought as to whether they make any sense at all.

 

The happiest and most successful women in life are able to identify when they should follow the rules and when they should break them.  Now that I think about it, the happiest women know how to MAKE the rules!

The Need to Please

Halfway through our 55-mile bike trip, my husband and I had stopped at a great café to eat lunch.  I was looking forward to resting my body and to getting rejuvenated for the long trip back. I was also thirsty and out-of-my-mind hungry. Incidentally, when I reach this point of hunger, it doesn’t matter where or what I eat; I just need food.  As we walked inside and saw tables available, the hostess informed us that it would be 15 minutes before we could get seated. That was my first clue that things wouldn’t go smoothly.

 

I immediately suggested that we go somewhere else. At that moment, I would have been more than happy to eat Subway in the grass. My husband reminded me that it wouldn’t be that long, and we could wait. Although we were seated after 15 minutes, we waited forever for the waitress to come to our table and take our order.  Receiving our drinks took another long wait, and we were finally presented with tiny juice glasses. When you’re thirsty, this doesn’t serve you well.

 

The waitress didn’t acknowledge us for the next 45 minutes. Yes, that’s how long it took for us to receive our food. Not once did she give me any kind of sign that she understood my frustration. You can just imagine the level of my patience during this time.  When we did receive our food, she didn’t bring my complete order.  I hadn’t even noticed because, by that time, I was beyond hungry and delirious.  I cleaned my plate within three minutes of it being set in front of me.

 

Looking back on the situation, I have a couple hard questions to ask myself. Why didn’t I articulate my concerns to the waitress during and after the experience?  Why didn’t I speak up and remedy the situation?  Where was my voice in this whole debacle?

 

I was working with a couple just a few years ago. The emotional woman shared that she was upset at her husband. When I inquired why, she stated how he never takes out the trash and that he expects her to do it. I asked her if she ever ASKS him to take out the trash. She replied with this statement, “He should know without me telling him.”  When I asked the husband what he thought of this, he replied that he was sorry for upsetting her, but that he didn’t realize she wanted him to take out the trash.

 

I don’t want to point fingers at anyone, but women are notorious pleasers in life. Many of you were taught at a young age that it’s a good thing to just go with the flow, not make waves, and do what makes everyone happy.  Somewhere back in your childhood, you probably received the inferred message that being a nice girl is a very positive attribute for a woman to possess. Let’s be honest— each one of you has some form of this toxic behavior that will negatively impact your personal and professional life.

 

I consider myself an assertive woman with sass— I’ve definitely found my voice.  However, even I fall back into old patterns ingrained in my childhood.  When I hold back because I hesitate to hurt other people’s feelings and upset them, this strategy ends up making me miserable and always has a poor outcome.

 

Keep in mind that there are a huge range of responses between rolling over and playing dead and being incredibly selfish and cruel.  Find a place somewhere in the middle to call your own.