Bring Back the Excitement

images cat picture

 

Our family took Miles to the groomer at the pet store the other night. While the she struggled with a squirmy pug, we decided that we should walk around and shop. We picked up cat food for Biscuit and Joey and proceeded to check out the cat toys. My son wanted to buy catnip but I reminded him that we have the only cats on the planet that don’t have any interest in this substance. In the past, they’ve just sniffed it and walked away, disinterested.

 

And then we spotted it. It was a long stick with some feathers, bright shiny tinsel and a bell on the end. Although it had been a long time since I had seen our older cats play, I decided to take a risk and make the purchase. I was curious as to whether they would show any interest in this toy.

 

When I got home, I brought out the cat toy and called the boys. They came running in and immediately had interest in the new addition to their house. Before long, they were jumping, standing on two feet, and running around the room. I hadn’t seen them this excited in a long, long time.

 

In fact, the toy caused so much excitement in the house that I eventually had to put it away in a drawer for the night. They just wouldn’t stop attacking the toy, which in turn, revved up the dog beyond our tolerable limit.

 

The next day, I remembered that the toy was in the drawer, so I took it out to play. The cats came running and a replay of the night before ensued. In fact, they knew the sound of the toy and were present within seconds of me touching it. It kept their interest much longer than my interest in continuing the playtime. This time, however, I left the toy on the ground and walked out of the room.

 

The day after that, I spotted the toy and picked it up. I called the cats to play, but it took quite some time for them to arrive. I tried to engage them in play but it was a lethargic game, at best. Apparently, the toy was yesterday’s news.

 

By now, I bet you’re wondering why I’m sharing this story with you. What does a cat toy have anything to do with life? Well, you know how excited you are when you start something new? You know that feeling you have when you start a new job, create your own business, or begin a new relationship? It’s all novel, exciting and fresh. Life is easy because you’re full of energy and stoked about your new venture. After a while, however, reality sets in. The newness wears off and you fall into your routine.

 

This is the pivotal moment that separates the resilient from the less resilient; possessing the ability to hang in there and not give up or move on to something new and easier. This is a crucial step in finding your desired success. It’s also when you have the opportunity to truly gain and learn the most.

 

Making it through this period, past the initial shininess, enables you to build confidence for future endeavors in your life.

 

Follow the Leader

images follow leaderI was driving down a street the other day when I came across a large group of geese.  They were all congregating on the side of the road, grazing in the grass. Without warning, one of the geese pulled away from the crowd and began to walk toward the road.  Like clockwork, each one systematically fell in line and followed the leader.  The group slowly made their way across the street, disregarding any possible risk or danger.  They intensely focused on their only job— to follow the goose in front of them.

 

I’m unsure how the geese collectively decided on their fearless leader that day. To be honest, he certainly wasn’t making smart decisions in leadership. Now that I think about it, how did that goose in front decide to be the leader? What I do know is that geese that come from families tend to show dominance over ones that are single or alone.  Apparently, the leader was a family man.

 

Mr. Goose had ultimate power over the other geese that day.  They instinctively followed in his footsteps, never hesitating to take that next step right across the busy street.  This experience reminded me of people that I have come across in my own life.

 

I once worked for a boss that had this kind of hold on many of his employees. He was a leader all right, a very powerful one that was capable of getting people to follow along without much hesitation. It truly was quite remarkable. I found it astounding how people would follow without any contemplation. They agreed with everything, not because they feared any recourse, but because they were just so enamored with his power, charisma and leadership that they didn’t even think anymore.  They no longer had the ability to see the truth, much like the old tale of “The Emperors New Clothes”.

 

This can happen in many different areas of life.  It can happen in companies, in government, and even in your circle of friends and your family. An individual becomes such a strong leader that the people surrounding him or her no longer question anything said or done.  They just follow along and assume that if the leader thinks it’s a great idea, then it must be!

 

I was in a meeting the other day, when a young woman questioned something that I had said.  For a few seconds, I was a thrown by the fact that she was questioning me. However, when I gave it a couple more seconds of thought, I realized that she was right.  What she was saying made sense, and she did it in such an appropriate way that I was impressed.  Everyone in the group looked at me to see my reaction.  I congratulated her for calling me on this bit of information.

 

The question to ask yourself is the following— are you a leader or a follower?  Are you the goose out front leading the gaggle of geese or are you the goose last in line, falling in step mindlessly, without a thought of your own? Be true to you and follow your own values and ethics.

 

This is your path to success.

Follow the Leader

images follow leaderI was driving down a street the other day when I came across a large group of geese.  They were all congregating on the side of the road, grazing in the grass. Without warning, one of the geese pulled away from the crowd and began to walk toward the road.  Like clockwork, each one systematically fell in line and followed the leader.  The group slowly made their way across the street, disregarding any possible risk or danger.  They intensely focused on their only job— to follow the goose in front of them.

 

I’m unsure how the geese collectively decided on their fearless leader that day. To be honest, he certainly wasn’t making smart decisions in leadership. Now that I think about it, how did that goose in front decide to be the leader? What I do know is that geese that come from families tend to show dominance over ones that are single or alone.  Apparently, the leader was a family man.

 

Mr. Goose had ultimate power over the other geese that day.  They instinctively followed in his footsteps, never hesitating to take that next step right across the busy street.  This experience reminded me of people that I have come across in my own life.

 

I once worked for a boss that had this kind of hold on many of his employees. He was a leader all right, a very powerful one that was capable of getting people to follow along without much hesitation. It truly was quite remarkable. I found it astounding how people would follow without any contemplation. They agreed with everything, not because they feared any recourse, but because they were just so enamored with his power, charisma and leadership that they didn’t even think anymore.  They no longer had the ability to see the truth, much like the old tale of “The Emperors New Clothes”.

 

This can happen in many different areas of life.  It can happen in companies, in government, and even in your circle of friends and your family. An individual becomes such a strong leader that the people surrounding him or her no longer question anything said or done.  They just follow along and assume that if the leader thinks it’s a great idea, then it must be!

 

I was in a meeting the other day, when a young woman questioned something that I had said.  For a few seconds, I was a thrown by the fact that she was questioning me. However, when I gave it a couple more seconds of thought, I realized that she was right.  What she was saying made sense, and she did it in such an appropriate way that I was impressed.  Everyone in the group looked at me to see my reaction.  I congratulated her for calling me on this bit of information.

 

The question to ask yourself is the following— are you a leader or a follower?  Are you the goose out front leading the gaggle of geese or are you the goose last in line, falling in step mindlessly, without a thought of your own? Be true to you and follow your own values and ethics.

 

This is your path to success.

The Secret to Change

images change picture

A few years ago, I worked for an organization that was going through some major changes.  At the time, they were moving from their present building to another facility. Countless meetings were held to discuss the changes and allow people to share their concerns.  At some point, I made an observation that all the discussions weren’t helping the situation.  The majority of individuals were not moving forward on the idea of working in a new location.  In fact, they were only digging their heels in even more.

 

I found this fascinating as it all played out.  Being from a Mental Health background, it was interesting to watch the process unfold and observe the different reactions and objections from the various people. I’m sure you can relate to at least one time in your own life where you fought change desperately.

 

But why do we do this?

 

images change life

 

Well, I have a question for you to answer. Do you by chance eat the same thing for breakfast every morning? Do you go the same way to work every day?  Chances are pretty good that the answer to these questions is a yes.  As humans, we seem to revel in habits.  Habits make our life easier and saner. We like the security of knowing that every step in life doesn’t involve another decision— this can tax our brain, taking more energy and focus. Life can sometimes feel like a whirlwind and frankly, it’s easier if we know what to expect and are able to function on autopilot.

 

Nevertheless, change is part of life and inevitable. No matter what you do to avoid change, it will catch up with you eventually.  Your ability to adapt and go with the flow of life will be the key to you finding the success and happiness you so desire. In lieu of this fact, here are two questions to ask the next time you feel yourself fighting change in the workplace:

 

What is it that I really fear about this change?

I’m asking you to dig deep on this one because your initial objections might not be what’s really bothering you.  The answer might be hidden deep down.  Are you fearful that you won’t be able to succeed in this situation?  Are you scared of how this new change will add work to your life?  Do you have difficulty finding acceptance in many phases of your life? Are you someone that gets stuck and can’t move on?  Be honest and do some real soul searching.

 

How specifically will this change affect me?

 

 

I want you to break it down and attempt to make a list of the positives and negatives in the change.  Often, you can get stuck on the idea and not realize that the change won’t affect you nearly as much as you think.  After you have made your list, I want you to look at each negative that you wrote down and find a way that you can somehow substitute for this loss that you are experiencing. Find some angle to make this change more palatable. For example, let’s say you are losing your 4-walled office and moving to a bright, fabulous new office with open workspace.  You are terrified of this and grieve losing your own space. Look at ways you can replace the loss within the confines off this new change.  What if you asked to work from home one day a week? What if you reserve the conference room for a couple hours a week to have your privacy? There are options here that you can explore which substitute your perceived loss.

 

I believe Socrates said it best when he wrote, “The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Finding Inner Sass in Your Career

Recently, I was having a conversation with a woman at a lunch event.  I introduced myself by saying my usual, “I help women find their inner sass”.  This woman responded like so many women do, by informing me that she already had her inner sass.  The thing is that I’m not so sure.  Having your inner sass in your career doesn’t mean you have an attitude or you let people have a piece of your mind.  It means that you have the courage and strength to make good decisions.  Often, I believe that many women misinterpret this very important distinction.

 

It means that you have a sense of when to talk and when to not.

It doesn’t mean that you don’t have your voice. A woman that truly has her inner sass has the ability to be patient and hold back her opinion when it’s appropriate. It’s an important skill to be able to discern when to speak up and when to keep quiet. Also, mastering this skill can make a world of difference in your future success. Women with their inner sass have the strength to stay quiet, assess the situation and think things through before taking any action. They don’t make impulsive decisions that come back to haunt them later in their career.

 

It means that you don’t stay in your job when it’s time to move on.

I’m sure there’s been a time in your life when you stayed past your job’s expiration date.  I’ve certainly done this. Frankly, I did it because it was easier than venturing outside and braving the elements. Why do we do this? It’s because in your present situation, at least you know what to expect.  Humans like routine and you’re no exception to the rule.  Considering leaving a job or career can encourage you to play the “what if” game.  What if the new workplace is worse, what if I hate my job, etc.  It requires sass to ignore the “what ifs”, take the chance and make that leap to find your happiness.

 

It means that you know how to take responsibility when you’ve been wrong.

It happens eventually to everyone. You make a mistake at work that will affect others. Having your sass doesn’t mean you can’t make colossal mistakes now and then. However, your sass is contingent on how you HANDLE the mistake. It takes courage and strength to take responsibility for your mess-up.  It’s easier to try to slide it under the radar or blame it on someone else.  However, taking full responsibility and being proactive in the way you handle the mistake shows integrity and character. It shows others that you are a true leader.

 

It means that you have the courage to say, “I don’t know”.

Your brain is telling you “I should know this and not knowing makes me look incompetent”. However, that can’t be further from the truth.  I’m sure you’ve witnessed a situation where someone tried to make others believe they had the answer when they really didn’t.  I bet you didn’t respect them too much after this charade.  Being honest and saying, “I don’t know but I’ll find out” shows integrity, confidence, and sass.

 

So how did you stack up? Do you have some areas that could use some improvement? Be honest with yourself and make the changes to own your sass!

 

Facing the Fear

It all started five days ago. I was eating breakfast and I heard a rhythm of knocks at the door.  It stopped for a while, but it soon started up again.  Knock, knock, knock. I opened the door and looked around but I didn’t see anyone.  I went upstairs to focus on my work.

 

I wasn’t sitting at my desk for more than five minutes when I heard the rhythmic knocking again.  Knock, knock, knock, knock.  On and on it went until I ran back down the stairs and opened the door.  Again, I didn’t see anything and I closed the door.  I asked my husband later that day if he had heard that same sound emanating from the front door.  He too had wondered what the sound was and had opened the door to find nothing.

 

Finally, on the fourth day of knocking, my husband quietly walked out the side door and worked his way to the front of the house.  There, at the front door, was a Robin banging his head against the door’s brass kick plate, over and over again.

 

According to an expert on bird behaviors, this is about the time when they start feeling territorial.  They do their very best to keep other adult birds of the same sex outside of their territorial boundaries.  When a Robin notices its reflection in a window or mirror, it becomes agitated and raises its feathers and assumes dominant position.  Normally, that behavior is enough to make other robins leave their territory.

 

However, the “reflection” obviously also gets agitated and becomes equally dominant.  If the robin sees his reflection repeatedly, it becomes more and more agitated and aggressive.  The bird gets determined to drive the “other bird” away.

 

Apparently, my robin friend was quite aggravated with the nerve of the “brass plate” bird.  No matter how much he threw his weight (and head) at the bird, the “brass plate” bird continued to fight back.  Therefore, that bird felt obligated to come back to my front door over and over again to show the other bird who was boss.

 

But we know the truth.  The “brass plate” bird was only a reflection and didn’t truly exist.  However, for my friend the Robin, it was very, very real and threatening.  The bird’s response to the threat was the same ritualistic behavior every time, which, as we know, was not bringing him the outcome that he wanted.

 

What do you fear in life? It’s possible that you have fears that are keeping you from moving forward.  Like our friend the Robin, your usual way of dealing with these threats are based on past behavior.  Do you have a coping pattern of pulling the covers over your head or do you persevere and face whatever’s in front of you?  Chances are, you repeat this ritualistic behavior over and over.  It’s very possible that your fear is about as real as that birds reflection in the brass kick plate.

 

Your success on moving forward in life is dependent upon your ability to see the fear for what it truly is— only a reflection of your past negative experiences.  Your success on moving forward is dependent upon your ability to change your patterns and find a new way to approach the fear.

 

Only then will you stop banging your head against the brass kick plate.

Inspirational Quotes

Do you know the secret to finding success in your personal and professional life?  To be honest, I don’t believe the secret can be summed up in just one sentence or thought.  There’s a multitude of things that goes into you being able to accomplish your dreams. In lieu of this fact, I have compiled a few of my favorite quotes about success and why they speak to me.

 

“If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all”—Michelangelo 

What this talented painter was trying to say was the amount of blood, sweat and tears that went into his mastery was incredible.  It was his passion, his work and his life.  There is no way around it— being a success translates into numerous hours of intense work.  If you’re not willing to put in the time and energy and truly dedicate your life to your dream, then you won’t reap the benefits. It’s not an easy process, but it’s more than worth it.

 

“I think everyone should experience defeat at least once in their career. You learn a lot from it.”—Lou Holtz

If you strive to be successful, get comfortable with failing.  Being successful means that you need to be willing to take risks and put yourself in uncomfortable situations.  Failing along the way is a large part of each person’s journey to finding success. It will humble and center you so you may better understand what’s truly important in life. If you’re willing to listen, failing will teach you more than you can imagine and help prepare you for eventual success.

 

“Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.”—Mark Twain

What great wisdom from none other than Mark Twain!  When you’re working toward a lofty goal, surround yourself with strong, confident women that support your efforts.  If there are individuals in your life that don’t support your goals, keep in mind that it’s more a reflection of them than it is of you.  Your courage to go after your dreams could make other individuals feel inferior and threatened. Stay the course and focus on your own goals.

 

“You know you’re on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it.”—Oprah Winfrey

Well guess what, Oprah? I would do my job for free! However, I realize that wouldn’t be a great business strategy, so I charge for my services.  I am passionate about helping other women achieve their goals and believe that this is my life’s purpose. When I’m working, I don’t’ feel like I’m working (except when I’m doing paperwork which is my least favorite part of my job). The point is that when you’re doing work you love, there’s a great chance you’re going to be successful.

 

“If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would astound ourselves.”—Thomas Al Edison 

It always pains me to see women that are squandering their strengths and talents.  It’s possible that you don’t even know that you’re talented in a certain area because you haven’t yet put yourself in a position to find out.  The point is that you need to get outside your comfort zone and try some new experiences. You will learn a lot about yourself and may just discover some new skills that you didn’t even know existed.  And with that, comes renewed confidence!

 

So many pieces of the puzzle need to fit together in order for you to find success.  Do what you love, work hard, stay positive and keep your eye on the prize when things get tough. And most of all, never stop believing in YOU.