Many years ago, I was paired with a woman to work on a project on a volunteer board. We split up the project responsibilities and agreed to speak again in 5 days to review our progress. Within those 5 days, she would send me the completed piece via email so I could review her share before our conversation.

 

5 days passed with no email in sight. I emailed her on the 5th day to inquire when I would receive her part of the project but heard nothing. On the 6th day, I called on our agreed upon time. She shared that she hadn’t completed it. There was no explanation. In fact, she was a bit indignant that I was reaching out to inquire at all.

 

I had a strong emotional reaction to this situation. I felt let down and disappointed in my partner and began to form some strong judgments about this woman.

 

After analyzing the situation, I realized that I reacted strongly because one of the most important values to me is “taking accountability”. I believe that when someone says that they are going to finish a task, it’s imperative that they follow through. In addition, if they haven’t followed through on this task, then they need to take accountability for their actions-or lack thereof.

 

My point to sharing this story is to help you understand how quickly I made judgments and categorized someone because of my own values and expectations. Yes, taking accountability is important, especially to a leader. However, my strong reaction got in the way of handling the situation appropriately. I don’t have to accept this lack of follow through, but I certainly have to change my reaction so I can deal with someone fairly.

 

If only I had asked some pointed questions, instead of making judgments, there would have been more understanding between the two of us.

 

Realizing that everyone has different values that drive their behavior is an important lesson to learn. A prime example of this can be seen daily by scrolling through your social media. I’m sure you have noticed that some individuals feel obligated to post political articles so that they can share their views. It appears that they are driven to help others understand why their perspective is the “right one”. They are so certain about this, that their posts can end up being attacking and sometimes cruel. Of course, you invariably see others responding, not always in the most appropriate way.

 

If you could take a step back, you might realize that beneath that polarizing post and emotion is a value that’s very important to them. It’s so important to them that they are struggling to understand why you would see it any differently. On your part, you are probably making some very strong judgements about the individual and some sweeping generalizations.

 

That’s why having a real conversation is so important. With communication, comes understanding. With understanding might come a shift in perspective. But none of this is going to happen if you don’t truly try to understand what is beneath their behavior.

 

And I’m pretty sure that clarifying someone’s values, that then leads to understanding, definitely is not going to happen on a Social Media political post.

 

All I am suggesting is that you try look at things from a different perspective. When you are triggered, recognize the value that is not being honored. Learn from this and don’t judge others so harshly in the process.

 

 

Values

 

 

 

image personal values

 

The other day, I was thinking about my career and the different positions that I’ve held throughout the years. There have been times that I’ve been happy and there have been times in my career that I’ve been miserable— maybe you’ve felt this way too. I remember a friend telling me that she hoped I’d finally figure out what and where I wanted to be in life. At one point, I considered that maybe I was born with some sort of defect that prevented me from figuring out what direction to take in life propecia pills 1 mg.

 

Now that I’m older and wiser, I better understand all the career decisions I made and why. I can comprehend why I was so unhappy in certain environments and why others made me feel energized. I now know that it all came down to being true to the values that I hold in my life. If I honored those things that were truly important to me and made certain that I received them at work, then I would find the happiness that I was searching for so desperately.

 

I highly value being in an environment where I can constantly be learning. Being thrown into a new environment and figuring out how to make it work is my idea of a good time. For others, it’s a death sentence. As soon as a position becomes repetitive, I’m in trouble. I’m constantly looking for that next step, next opportunity, that next big thing! Growing and expanding my knowledge base is an integral piece of what I value in a job. If I don’t have this kind of experience, I’m not going to be satisfied. If I can’t see where I grow next, I’ll struggle to be happy.

 

I highly value the ability to stretch my wings in my job.

If I feel that the position is too structured, I wither away. That isn’t to say that I can’t follow authority. However, if the authority attempts to control or regulate me too much, it will not be a work environment that fuels success for me. I need to be able to think for myself and create my workspace the way I deem fit. I’ve had a few bosses that sensed this and gave me the space I needed to be successful. I’ve also had ones that held on tighter. The latter didn’t end well. I recognize that I’m a free thinker and do best when given the freedom to explore.

 

Nothing is more important to me than working in an environment where people have integrity and honesty.

I’m a straight shooter and get extremely frustrated with individuals that dance around an issue or outright lie and don’t take responsibility. Confrontation is not a horrible thing when handled in a professional and appropriate manner. I need to have respect from the people that I work with and if I don’t see that, I find it difficult to stay the course.

 

I’ve shared my top three values because I hope it sparks your own thinking on the topic. What do you value in your professional career? Like I did above, try to identify your top three values. Think back to some of your triggers at work, some of the things that frustrated you—you’ll begin to see what you find important. Is it making sure you have time for family or is it making sure that the position is risk-free and stable? Is it your ability to financially support your family or is it the need to “make a difference” in people’s lives? Do some soul searching and tease out what’s important to you above all else.

 

Once you have this information, you’ll be armed to find where you belong.

 

What’s Important

images life waterA friend recently connected me with a woman that was in town to film a documentary. The film team asked me if I was willing to be interviewed the very next day.  Since it fit into my calendar, I said yes and didn’t give it much more thought.

 

We had all made our introductions when I finally got around to inquiring of the documentary topic.  I just assumed that I had been singled out to discuss women and leadership. I was mentally prepared to discuss the challenges that women face today in the workplace. However, I was way off base. Ashley was a Child Psychologist at the University of Hawaii and taught a class on culture across lifespans.  As the interview started, she informed me that I didn’t have to answer any question if I felt uncomfortable.  I smiled and said that I was an open book and didn’t mind talking.

 

We talked for about an hour and she didn’t leave many stones unturned.  She was curious about the transitions in my life and how it led me to where I am today. We discussed careers and kids and my view on how to manage work/life balance.  She wanted to know about each of my children and how and why they were different. She was very curious about my 33-year marriage and what I believed was the secret to staying married such a long time.

 

Since this interview was truly about culture, we spent some time discussing my childhood and how I raised my own children.  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and our time was over. The event had truly been a wonderful experience.

 

As I walked out, I gave thought to why I had enjoyed myself so much.  I realized that it had given me the opportunity to take a good look at my life.  It enabled me to objectively talk about my children, my husband, and my career and make the realization that I had a lot to be grateful for in life. The pointed questions that she asked had encouraged me to talk about many things that don’t usually come up in conversation. It was a good feeling to reminisce.

 

The whole experience made me consider that we spend too many days focusing on what’s wrong in our life and not enough on what’s going right.  We can become obsessed with the people that disappoint us, or the things that we wish would be different. We lust for the things that we don’t possess or worry about things that, chances are, won’t happen.  In our minds, we assume that if we had this different life, then everything would be better. Then, we would have the life that we always wanted.

 

The interview actually made me realize my contentment.  No— things aren’t perfect. My back still hurts and I still have this annoying sinus problem that won’t go away.  However, things could be much worse, so I work around the stuff that’s not perfect.  The point is that I’m very clear on what’s important in my life. I refuse to waste time on the things that truly don’t matter.

 

What’s Important

images life waterA friend recently connected me with a woman that was in town to film a documentary. The film team asked me if I was willing to be interviewed the very next day.  Since it fit into my calendar, I said yes and didn’t give it much more thought.

 

We had all made our introductions when I finally got around to inquiring of the documentary topic.  I just assumed that I had been singled out to discuss women and leadership. I was mentally prepared to discuss the challenges that women face today in the workplace. However, I was way off base. Ashley was a Child Psychologist at the University of Hawaii and taught a class on culture across lifespans.  As the interview started, she informed me that I didn’t have to answer any question if I felt uncomfortable.  I smiled and said that I was an open book and didn’t mind talking.

 

We talked for about an hour and she didn’t leave many stones unturned.  She was curious about the transitions in my life and how it led me to where I am today. We discussed careers and kids and my view on how to manage work/life balance.  She wanted to know about each of my children and how and why they were different. She was very curious about my 33-year marriage and what I believed was the secret to staying married such a long time.

 

Since this interview was truly about culture, we spent some time discussing my childhood and how I raised my own children.  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and our time was over. The event had truly been a wonderful experience.

 

As I walked out, I gave thought to why I had enjoyed myself so much.  I realized that it had given me the opportunity to take a good look at my life.  It enabled me to objectively talk about my children, my husband, and my career and make the realization that I had a lot to be grateful for in life. The pointed questions that she asked had encouraged me to talk about many things that don’t usually come up in conversation. It was a good feeling to reminisce.

 

The whole experience made me consider that we spend too many days focusing on what’s wrong in our life and not enough on what’s going right.  We can become obsessed with the people that disappoint us, or the things that we wish would be different. We lust for the things that we don’t possess or worry about things that, chances are, won’t happen.  In our minds, we assume that if we had this different life, then everything would be better. Then, we would have the life that we always wanted.

 

The interview actually made me realize my contentment.  No— things aren’t perfect. My back still hurts and I still have this annoying sinus problem that won’t go away.  However, things could be much worse, so I work around the stuff that’s not perfect.  The point is that I’m very clear on what’s important in my life. I refuse to waste time on the things that truly don’t matter.