A while back, I was shopping in a women’s clothing store. While engrossed in the sales rack, I heard someone say, “What do you think?”. I looked up and realized that I was standing next to the sales clerk and a woman. She had just come out of the dressing room in a complete outfit. The woman asked me again, “What do you think— which pair of earrings do you like with the whole outfit”? I looked her up and down and replied that either pair matched and it really came down to which one she liked better. She stated that she didn’t know and really wanted my opinion. After some discussion, I encouraged her to pick the pair that was outside her comfort zone. She anxiously commented that she had a big date and she wanted to look perfect. She felt that her date would surely notice every detail, including her bracelet. I chuckled and said, “You don’t want him to notice your bracelet— you want him to notice YOU!

She looked confused by this so we talked further about her life. (Yes, this happens to me all the time, striking up conversations with perfect strangers in all kinds of places). She confided that she had been divorced a couple years and she was very nervous about dating again. She mentioned to me numerous times during the course of the conversation that her date was extremely smart. It was apparent that his intelligence intimidated her, so I was interested in learning what she did in her career. Realizing that she had a very demanding job, I commented that she must be quite smart herself. It was not surprising that she tried to deflect this compliment.

After listening to the rest of her story, I interrupted her and said, “You have this all wrong— this is not about whether you look good enough and are good enough for him. This is really about— does he deserve you?” I went on, “This date is about YOU deciding whether this guy is good enough for YOU, if he deserves YOU in his life, and would he bring to YOUR life what you need and want?” She looked blankly at me and then a smile came to her face. Apparently, this had never occurred to her.

I often come across women that are working so diligently to serve other’s needs, they lose sight of the fact they have a say-so in the matter. Again, this goes back to women wanting to please others and become what others want them to be. Will I be pretty enough, will I be smart enough, and will I make him happy? For some girlfriends, this becomes a way of life and permeates every part of their daily existence. What about you— your needs, your wants, your desires? You will never get what you want in life until you realize that you deserve the best and will only accept the best.

My new girlfriend had been through a bad divorce and was on the cusp of starting a new relationship. The problem was that she was walking into this date with the absolute wrong frame of mind. She needed to change her way of thinking and realize that the way to her true happiness was to love and know her self and what she needed in life to be happy. If she gains this knowledge, then everything else will fall into place.

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