Life and Death

Funerals are not something I look forward to, and frankly, I find them quite exhausting. I’m sure you’ve come to the same conclusion regarding this ritual in our lives. Nevertheless, they serve an important function— they enable the surviving loved ones to have a way to say goodbye and help you start the grieving process. With family and friends surrounding you, funerals can give you some sense of comfort and peace.

 

I always do a lot of thinking when I attend a funeral.  Saturday, as I listened to the family tell wonderful stories of their mother, I was reminded about how easy it is to forget what really matters in life. Let’s be honest here, so much of our days are spent stressed about the car that cut in front of us, upset about the C that our child got on the Math test, or angry with the way our boss talked to us in the meeting. These unimportant details and worries begin to take over our thinking and color our days. They become the way we live our life. Before you know it, this is our pattern. Each day becomes another day and another day, and we live it like we have all the time in the world. We live it like we have the right to waste our days.

 

We let unimportant “stuff” take up space in our head and we do this willingly. We make a choice that this “stuff” is worthy of our time, our thoughts, our energy, and our life. Whether the choice is conscious or unconscious doesn’t matter. The important point is that it’s still our choice, our decision we have made.

 

It’s so easy to get caught up in the day’s minutiae and forget about how so little of it really matters. It’s easier to do this than it is to live each day like it’s the last day of our life. There’s a piece of us that must enjoy the emotions that come with the “stuff” that occupies space in our head. We must, or why would we live our lives this way? Maybe we find a strange comfort in spending each day in the same exhausting routine.

 

I went to the store yesterday to pick up a couple things for dinner. I ran into an acquaintance. I know her husband, but I couldn’t even tell you her name. We chatted for a while before she whispered something to me. I thought I heard her but I surely hoped I was wrong. She repeated it again for me. Her husband had been diagnosed with a terminal cancer and was failing. She searched my eyes and asked me if I thought he was going to be OK. I hugged her and reminded her to take it one day at a time.

 

Again, I was reminded how fragile life truly is. We make plans in the distant future and fritter away our time, just assuming that we have unlimited days to do whatever we want. The reality is somewhat different.

 

My suggestion is that you vow to live your life with clarity— be clear on your priorities and demonstrate this in your behavior daily. Live life fully— don’t waste your precious time and energy on “stuff” that’s not important.

 

Make a pact to live NOW.

Rules

Yesterday, I traveled to Columbus to visit my sister. It was her birthday and I wanted to take her out to lunch. After discussing our many options, we settled on our destination and made our way to the restaurant. As we were walking to the door, she commented on my shorts.

 

“Are you wearing white shorts because it’s the last day you can wear them?” She then shared that that was why she had decided to wear her white shorts. This was the last time she could have them on until next year because it was Labor Day. I thought about her comment for a few seconds before responding to her statement.  I replied that it really hadn’t occurred to me that this was my last wearing before I was forced to put my shorts in the drawer.

 

Mind you, I said all of this with a smirk on my face and a sarcastic tone. I then asked her why it was acceptable to wear a white shirt anytime of the year, but white on the bottom half of your body was unacceptable after Labor Day?  This last question didn’t bode well with her.  She shared that she didn’t care what I decided to do, but she always abides by the rule.

 

The next morning, I woke up and went to work out. After my shower, I perused my closet to decide what to wear. I caught sight of my white pants and replayed in my head the whole conversation from the day before.  With a smile on my face, I grabbed the pants off the hanger and proudly put them on.

 

Yes, it was quite a rebellious act.  I was wearing my white pants the day after Labor Day! I tried to pay attention during the day to see if anything unusual would transpire from this risky decision. I don’t want to disappoint you, but absolutely nothing happened.   No one stopped and told me that I had to go home and change. The waitress did not refuse to serve me lunch at the restaurant.  I didn’t see one stare or whisper about my lack of fashion sense. In fact, I felt incredibly sassy all day.

 

I suppose the big question to ponder is this:

Why do women abide by rules that make absolutely no sense? Why wouldn’t you do what feels right to you? Why wouldn’t you just trust your own judgment?

 

It’s very possible that you were, like many women, taught at a young age to be agreeable and follow the rules. You were probably encouraged to please others and were rewarded for doing so.  Even if you’ve become strong and confident, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. You might blindly adhere to the rules that others have set for you without giving thought as to whether they make any sense at all.

 

The happiest and most successful women in life are able to identify when they should follow the rules and when they should break them.  Now that I think about it, the happiest women know how to MAKE the rules!

Purpose and Passion

I had a business meeting with a new contact the other day. As we chatted, the conversation turned to my involvement in 85 Broads. For those of you not familiar with the group, 85 Broads is a network of women professionals that support and empower each other to achieve their goals. I have recently taken on the role of President in the organization.

 

With pride, I shared some of the social and philanthropic events we’ve organized in the past year. I explained how women prefer to get to know one another before doing business together.  After I was done giving a general overview of the organization and my involvement, he looked at me confused and asked the question that left me speechless—

 

“But what’s in it for you as President— why do you do this?”

Honestly, I didn’t even know how to answer that. I had just spent a good five minutes explaining the wonderful assets of the organization and the many things we had accomplished as a team. I stared at him with a confused look on my face. I had to take my time to formulate my response.

 

The remainder of the day, I mulled over the interaction. It eventually occurred to me that maybe he didn’t understand what it feels like to be motivated with purpose and passion. Yes, I thought, he was referring to being monetarily compensated. He had listened to my whole passionate explanation of the organization and still didn’t understand how I could pour so much of myself into a position that didn’t monetarily reward me.

 

My purpose in my life is clear to anyone that knows me.  I passionately coach women to achieve their goals and go after their dreams.  I encourage them to live their life true to who they are. I support them to make changes and push forward to go after what they want.  My strengths are seen daily in my work: my ability to influence, support and empower others to achieve the impossible. When I’m working within my own strengths, I feel strong and empowered. In other words, I feel that I’m the best version of me.

 

Being President of 85 Broads gives me the opportunity to positively impact the lives of women in our community and beyond. It enables me to expand my work in life beyond my own business.  It gives back in ways that can’t even be explained.

 

Recently, I was walking around the side of the house and noticed where I had placed some dead hanging plants.  There, among the dead, ugly brown leaves was one beautiful flower. I stopped what I was doing to marvel at the plant.  How did that happen?  How did that one flower survive in such dry, poor conditions?  To me, that experience had meaning.

 

When you’re living your life with purpose and passion, every day has meaning.  You are crystal clear on your goals and what’s important to you in life.  You meet each day with enthusiasm for the work ahead. That’s not to say that there aren’t bad days. Eventually, bad things happen and you’re met with some disappointments and unhappiness.  However, when you’re living your life with clarity on your purpose, you’re able to bounce back much faster.  You thrive even in the poorest of conditions and can dig down deep to find the strength to persevere.  Just like that beautiful pink flower.

 

Apparently, I’ve found what nurtures me to grow in a dry bed of weeds. I hope my new friend discovers the same someday.

 

Fear of Aging

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day. She was talking about how she was approaching “a certain birthday” and how hard it was to get older.  During the discussion, she shared her fear of getting older and what it now feels like to hear her age said out loud.  She explained how it seemed unbelievable that she could truly be that number on her driver’s license.

 

The conversation continued as she began to share all her fears of staying active and reaching the age where her health could fail. She admitted that these thoughts were consuming a lot of her time. It rattled her to hear that a friend’s mother had died at the age that she was approaching.  As I listened to her, I gave deep thought as to whether I’ve been experiencing the same feelings and beliefs about growing old.

 

I believe that John Glenn might have said it best when he said the following:

“Too many people, when they get old, believe that they have to live by the calendar.”

 

In other words, they allow the number on their birth certificate to influence the decisions that they make in life. They rationalize why it’s too late for them to go back to school or attempt a marathon. They are convinced that their days of learning and growing are over because, according to the calendar, they just can’t or shouldn’t do it anymore. They don’t check in with how they feel, emotionally and physically, in order to make their ultimate decision.  They live by the rules that have been established by their beliefs, values or culture.

 

I was recently taking a spinning class at the gym. There were about eight women of all ages, shapes and sizes in the class. At one point, I caught a glimpse in the mirror during the most strenuous part of the class. Every woman was sweating and working feverishly to keep on going.  Let me backtrack a bit and share that I’m one of the older ones in the class. At that moment, I realized that I was going the fastest by far and wasn’t breathing even half as hard as my teammates. A shot of adrenalin rushed through my body with this realization and I felt strong and empowered with this new knowledge. Most of all, I felt young.

 

I suppose if I chose to, I could just have easily taken that glimpse in the mirror and focused on the wrinkles in my face and the veins sticking out on my legs.  I could have analyzed every piece of me that looked different than it did 20 years ago. Trust me, there’s plenty. I could have gone right from that realization to lamenting the fact that I can’t run anymore because of my chronic back issues. However, I CHOSE to not focus on what I CAN’T do, but zero in on what I CAN.

 

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” I’ve found that the happiest women in life live their days in this very manner. So, instead of focusing on the fact that I can’t run, I focus on the increase in stamina I have in biking. Instead of focusing on how the years are going by and I’m getting old, I put my energy into my passion— helping other women move forward in their life. I try to live out my purpose and passion in every day of my life, while being open to new experiences. Ironically, this leaves little time to focus on regrets of the past, or fears of the future.

 

So far, it seems to be working.