Instant Gratification

It started with a funny feeling in my throat.  It wasn’t exactly a feeling of pain; it was more like a tickle. It went downhill from there into a dry hacking cough and a general malaise.  I spent Wednesday searching for a Wedding dress for my future daughter-in-law.  By the middle of the afternoon, I was moving slower and wishing that I could lie down on the nearest couch. I had a cough, a cold and a total lack of energy.

 

By today, I had difficulty talking for long periods of time without feeling like I was going to start coughing uncontrollably.  My husband heard me in the other room and said, “When are you going to go to the doctor?”  Here’s the reason why that might not happen.

 

I’ve been down this road before with the exact same symptoms.  I go to the doctor and after the exam he announces that there’s an 80% chance that all my symptoms are just viral and have to run their course. Antibiotics won’t help, since chances are, my illness is not bacterial.  However, he will always prescribe them to me if I would desire to take them.

 

This reminded me of the article I recently read in the Cincinnati Enquirer on Chronic Pain Management. Dr. Akbik was quoted as saying, “People want to go to a restaurant and eat everything, then take a tablet to not gain weight. If they’re in pain, they want to take a pill to make it go away.  The concept of us working hard to achieve something has been taken over by “take a tablet and you’ll get what you want.”

 

I happen to think he’s right.  We want to believe that any discomfort and any illness can be easily treated with a pill. Any problem that we have can easily be solved with the right medication.  This mentality keeps the pharmaceutical industry in business.  However, I believe this mentality isn’t healthy for us.

 

When I worked as a therapist, my clients often were prescribed a myriad of medications to help them feel better. They depended on these medications to change their life.  Invariably, I would have a talk with them about changing their lifestyle to include exercise, healthy eating etc.  These changes coupled with medication, could truly make the difference in their lives. However, most of the time, these individuals expected the medications to give them the life they want without making any other needed changes.

 

Let’s be honest here.  Taking a pill is the easy part.  Overhauling your eating, sleeping and exercising, a total lifestyle change, is the hard part.  It takes commitment and discipline hourly and daily.  It will probably be fairly uncomfortable in the short-term but will pay off for you in the long-term.

 

Back to my annoying cough and general lack of energy— this too shall pass. I’ll eat right, try to take it easy and get plenty of rest.  If my symptoms worsen, I’ll definitely consult a doctor.  In the meantime, I believe I’ll have to tough it out and just wait for the virus to run its course.

 

In life,  there isn’t always an easy and instant solution for every problem that you encounter. This one will probably take some patience.

Giving Back

 

I was finishing up a meeting with some friends today when the talk turned to the holiday season.  They suggested that I write a blog about how to control the typical stressors of the holiday season. As I mulled this over, one of my favorite people, Morgan Lyn, shared what she had recently done to make the season a little bit brighter.

 

“I bought coffee for the next person in line when I put in my order at Starbucks.”  She explained how it felt to watch each person in line follow suit. “I stuck around just to watch it all happen.  What a great feeling to see what I had started and watch it just keep going and going”.

 

It wasn’t surprising to hear that she would do something like this. This action was perfectly aligned with her character and her priorities in life.  However, it gave me a thrill to watch her talk about it and see how much it had deeply affected her.

 

There is no denying that this time of year can be stressful.  The days are packed with more shopping, cooking, parties, and commitments than you can fathom.  However, in all the excitement, it’s easy to lose sight of what this time of year is truly all about— giving back.

 

In lieu of this, I have a couple suggestions as to how you can “give back” this year in ways that will really matter.

 

Let one or two people into your lane while you’re driving.

Everyone is in a hurry this time of year.  Roads are backed up with shopping traffic and people are very low on patience.  My suggestion to you is let one, two or if you’re feeling overly generous, three people in to your lane.  Give them a big smile and watch their reaction.

 

Take someone lonely out for coffee or tea.

This time of year is so hard on the elderly and the ill.  They feel isolated in their homes and they dread going out in the cold. Even if they drive, they won’t take the chance in this cold, rainy, snowy weather. Please note that I suggested taking them out somewhere instead of visiting them in their house.  I’m pretty positive that a change of scenery and a reason to get dressed up is the best medicine you can give them.  All they want is a little of your time.

 

Offer to walk someone’s dog.

I take my dog for a walk every single day. If you only knew how much I dread doing this on those bitter cold days!  I would be overjoyed if someone in my neighborhood knocked on my door and said they wanted to walk my dog. It’s a good deed for the owner and the dog appreciates it too!

 

Take someone’s newspaper or mail to the door and hand it to them with a smile.

Now you’ll find out the second thing I dread— going out in the morning to get my newspaper.  What a good deed to get someone’s mail or newspaper and take it directly to their door! It’s just a kind gesture that goes a long way.

 

Send someone a handwritten note and let him or her know that you’re thinking about them.

Sadly, I receive very few handwritten notes anymore.  When I do receive one, it really makes me take notice. Imagine, someone taking the time and energy to send a note in snail mail! I’m not talking about sending a Christmas card— I’m referring to a blank note with your own thoughts and feelings inside.

 

Offer to watch someone’s child so they can get some shopping done.

This only counts if it’s your idea. You can’t wait for them to ask YOU.  I guarantee, this one would be much appreciated.

 

Stop and ask a clerk working in a busy store how they’re doing.

I’m not referring to the typical niceties. I’m suggesting you stop, look into their eyes, and ask them how they’re truly doing. You’ll be surprised how much they will appreciate this gesture.

 

Giving back doesn’t always have to mean you need to open up your pocketbook— all you have to do is open up your heart. There are plenty of ways to give back to people in need.  You’ll end up gaining more than you ever thought possible.

 

 

 

 

 

Your Personal Mission

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Much earlier in my career, I was hired into a position as a Clinical Committee Coordinator in the County Social Service System. I quickly identified the gaps in services for emotionally ill children with severe issues and then collaborated with a team to develop a plan to launch a variety of programs for this underserved population.

These newly developed programs would put expectations on the existing programs in the community.  To put it bluntly, the employees in the existing agencies would have to CHANGE the way they operated.  As you can imagine, this change was not welcomed with open arms.  Any changes made in any workplace are rarely welcomed with open arms.  I definitely felt the pressure since all responsibility on these changes was placed directly on me.

This was a very stressful time for me.  The employees’ unhappiness in the workplace was extremely palpable. Although I knew this was a positive change for the organization and the absolute right thing to do, there were times during my workdays where it began to wear on me.

There was one thing that helped me get through this stressful period in my career—my personal mission. During the rough times, I would repeat to myself that I was making this change for the children. I was willing to put up with the difficult employees and keep pushing forward because it was the right thing to do for the kids.  I was capable of handling these impossible situations if it meant that those children would receive the care that they needed.

Believing in my personal mission guided me through this experience. It enabled me to handle the long days of work and deal with the stress in a positive manner. I believed in my heart that this was what I was meant to do and that it was my responsibility to make it happen. I knew that I could handle just about anything if it meant that these changes in the services would be implemented in the county.

Everyone, at some point in their life, hits a snag in their career. Over the long haul, every career has its ups and downs.  There are days, weeks and sometimes months that can feel like an uphill battle. However, one of the ways you can combat this stress and become resilient in your work life is to have a work personal mission.

So my question to you is, what’s YOUR personal mission?  What is it that encourages you to come to work focused and energized everyday? What belief do you have down deep that keeps you centered in your life?  If you manage a team or an organization, not only is your own personal mission important, but also each employees.  Do you know what they are?

Your personal mission is an essential piece of the puzzle when it comes to work resilience.  It drives you in the good times and keeps you afloat in the bad.  Don’t waste another day without getting clear on your personal mission.

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Knowing When to Fold

I was listening to a friend talk about her career the other day.  She told me that she was content in her first job right out of college when she decided to make the leap to a new position.  Within the first two weeks, she knew that she had made a huge mistake in this move.  Despite this realization, she stayed for another 4 years at this company. Why did she stay? She told herself that she needed to persevere and keep trying harder.

 

If you want to be a success in life, you need to try harder. You need to be inspired to push more.  You need to hold on tighter and never let go.  Just keep pushing yourself and keep trudging forward in your goal. I’ve read countless books, articles, and motivational sites that push this concept.

 

Is this truly the answer to finding success?

 

Not always.  Sometimes the right thing to do is to fold your cards and reassess your place in life. Take a step back and get in touch with your honest self.  As for my friend, she realizes now that she was trying to make something work that was never going to work.  She felt that quitting after one workweek showed weakness and that the strong thing to do, the right thing to do, was to persevere.

 

This really resonated with me.  I’m the queen of motivation and pushing forward in life.  That’s wonderful in most situations, but I can think of a few instances where it didn’t quite benefit me.  For example, there was the time I stayed at a certain job that was so incredibly wrong for me that it was obvious to everyone but me.  I fought the urge daily, thinking that it actually made me a stronger person to fight this urge.  I believed that I would persevere and rise above as the winner.

 

I didn’t. It was a romantic thought but definitely not based in reality. I wasn’t listening to my honest self. If I had listened to my honest self, it would have been screaming back at me to “exit as quickly as possible”.

 

This doesn’t only happen in your career. This happens in your friendships. At some point in your life, you will hold on to a friendship that is way past its expiration date.  At some point, you will realize that the friendship is imbalanced and not functioning well. Despite this fact, you will try harder and harder to make it work. You will take on more responsibility than you should and try desperately to breathe life into something that needs to be let go.  You will convince yourself that the right thing to do is to try harder, because that’s what strong people do. That’s what motivated, successful people do.

 

You’re wrong.

 

I don’t even want to get into intimate relationships.  I’m sure that you’ve had the experience where you’re working much harder than your significant other to build the relationship. You probably convinced yourself that it’s the honorable, right thing to do.  It shows strength and reveals your character.

 

You might be wrong again.

 

What I’m trying to say is that having perseverance is a respectable trait. Being strong and refusing to back down to your competition is admirable. However, there are going to be certain times in your life that it really doesn’t apply.  It calls for you to stop battling and take a step back.  Dig down deep inside and check in with YOU. Maybe the best thing for you to do is cut your losses and move on.

 

Sometimes it shows even more strength and success if you just walk away.

 

 

Enjoying the Holidays

The holiday season is a time of gratitude and thanks. We look forward to the celebration, bringing our families together and enjoying the quality time. We spend hours getting ready for the festivities and preparing for the feast. We envision how fabulous our time will be with our families and friends. In our heads, we play out how each minute will pass, how the food will be appreciated and how the love will be shared.

 

If you spend any time on the Internet, you can view the great photos of family and friends enjoying their time together. The food is beautifully displayed to perfection and each family member is having a wonderful time. However, things aren’t always what we imagine them to be.

 

I’m sorry to say that reality is often very different than our expectations. Our expectations lead to disappointment as we watch how things can turn out differently than we anticipated.  You would think after we reach a certain age, we would stop doing this to ourselves. However, life doesn’t work that way.  Again and again, we may be setting ourselves up to be more disappointed.

 

How can we stop this vicious cycle? Maybe I can suggest a couple mind shifts you need to make to enjoy this time a bit more.

 

Stop expecting people to be what you want, not who they actually are.

We all have a family member or friend that continuously disappoints us. They irritate us with their choices in life and let us down in their behavior.  Common sense would tell us that that after all this time, we would accept this and be prepared for what unfolds. But often we do the opposite. We may be setting ourselves up by expecting this individual to be more than they can possibly be.  Holidays are not going to change their behavior. They are not going to suddenly appreciate, change, or have any realizations just because of the time of year.  Accept who they are once and for all and stop expecting a different outcome.

 

Don’t focus so much on the details and miss the point of this time of year.

I appreciate a perfect ornamented table, a gourmet dinner, and everything that goes with it as much as the next person.  However, I’m aware that sometimes we can tie ourselves up with the details and lose our focus in life. Even I sometimes do it.  I, myself, have become obsessed with trying to find the perfect runner in the exact shade for the dining room table. This will become my quest and I will spend day and night searching for the only thing that will do. It’s a crazy waste of my time because in the end, no one but me even notices. Step back and take a good look at what truly matters in the whole scheme of things.

 

Whether you enjoy this time is completely up to you.  You are in control of your emotions during this time of year, whether you want to believe this or not. Take responsibility and make a decision to treat this year differently.

Feeling the Pain

Are you happy? No— I mean really, really happy? Well, I certainly hope so. If not, all is not lost.  There are numerous books that can school you on the subject.

 

I was speaking with a friend on the phone the other day.  She’s going through a very hard time right now.  I’m sure you’ve been there at some point— everything that can go wrong in life, somehow goes wrong all at once. She’s struggling with major personal, professional and physical setbacks.  It seems so unfair and I can sense that it’s very overwhelming. Heck, it certainly would be for me.

 

As she shared her story, l listened to her describe her feelings surrounding the experience.  And then she said it— I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I know that I’m supposed to be enjoying the journey but I’m really having difficulty doing that”.

 

I interrupted her and made her repeat that statement. She expounded on her thought and explained that someone should find the good and enjoyment in every situation— no matter what that situation is.

 

“Why do you feel that you have to enjoy the journey?” She thought that this is what you’re supposed to be able to do. I’m wondering if she read it on a Facebook post.

 

In the age of positive affirmation, positive motivation and positive whatever, I want everyone to get clear on this fact: sometimes you have to hurt. Sometimes you need to feel pain, discomfort and sadness.

 

It is okay to be emotionally hurting. It’s normal to be angry, sad, overwhelmed, disappointed, and discouraged.  Maybe, when you get over the turmoil, you can appreciate what you’ve learned from the situation. Once you get to the other side, you can revisit what you went through, make sense of it and learn from it. However, when you’re going through the experience, you are hurting and trudging through mud, just trying to survive.  You’re making it through, day-to-day, and that’s okay. That’s good enough.

 

As a society, why are we so scared of hurting?  Why do we convince others and ourselves that we must be happy 100% of the time? Walk through a bookstore and you’ll see shelves and shelves of books that promote this concept.  Google “Happiness” and you’ll see thousands of “Happiness Masters” that are itching to show you how to be happy— for a price. Everywhere you look, someone is trying to convince you that being very, very happy is what you should want.

 

Not only should you want this for you, but also you should want this for your children!  Hence, the parents that are terrified of their children hurting and experiencing the normal trials and tribulations of life.  All because somewhere, in the American culture, we’ve decided that protecting ourselves and our loved ones from hurt and pain is more important than anything.

 

There are times in your life when you aren’t happy.  In fact, it’s this unhappiness that spurs you on to make changes and recreate your life.  It’s these low moments that help you understand who and what’s truly important to you. It’s the moments of incredible pain that allow us to enjoy the moments of incredible pleasure.

 

Those times in life when you’re just scraping by define your life.  They build resilience and give you a foundation of confidence for the future propecia australia.  When you’ve been miserable and walked through to the other side, you realize your capacity for strength and resilience.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I do want you to be happy.  I just want you to get comfortable with the other parts of life too.  Don’t aspire to something that isn’t realistic or healthy. Be honest in your feelings and move on, letting the others in your life do the same.