Quick Judgements

I was attending a wedding out of town and my husband decided he needed to pick up a few things at the mall. I had nothing pressing to shop for so I was just along for the ride. After he picked up a couple pairs of pants, we made our way to the second floor to use the restroom.

 

While walking to the second floor, he suggested I go in the store near where I was waiting for him. Well, why not, I thought. I peered into the women’s store to check out what they had to offer. My first thought was, the clothes definitely don’t look like me. I took a quick look at the salespeople and saw that they definitely didn’t look like my type. This wasn’t a store that would have anything that I want and I wasn’t sure that I would feel comfortable in there.

 

Now, all those thoughts that I just mentioned happened in seconds. I wasn’t really conscious of any of this thinking. However, I looked again into the store and on the far wall, I saw a dress. Regardless of my earlier thoughts, I walked through the store and over to the far wall. There, I stared at the dress and admired the details. It looked well made and would be perfect for a wedding. I had seen similar dresses at all the top stores. I reached for the price tag and stared a while, trying to comprehend what it said.

 

The tag said $9.99. It wasn’t marked down but was the original price. I am not joking.

 

I grabbed the dress quickly and ran into the dressing room. It fit perfectly and I loved it. I went back and picked up the same dress in another color— when are you ever going to get two dresses for 20.00?

 

So why am I sharing this story about the dress? Well, let’s go back to my thoughts at the beginning of the story. I wasn’t going to walk in the store originally because I had decided that the store was not for me. I had an unconscious bias against the place since the “feel” and the employees didn’t look like me. My brain quickly processed, categorized, and assessed that I didn’t fit into this environment.

 

However, the important nugget in this story is the fact that I was able to override this assumption and walk in the store anyway. As you have already learned, I reaped the benefit from listening to this internal chatter and making a conscious decision that my thinking had no merit.

 

Each one of us is guilty of implicit bias in our day-to-day interactions. Our brains are wired to process information quickly and make rapid speed decisions. Our ancestors were blessed with this ability so they could survive and adapt to dangerous situations. However, this ability often holds us back from living our best life and treating others fairly. Consciously, we might not agree with these stereotypes, but our primitive brain is ruling our actions.

 

So think about your actions in your personal and professional life. Are there situations where you have let your primitive brain make the decision for you?

 

You might lose out on more than just a 10.00 dress.

Staying Positive

The only time I watch the news on T.V. is when I am at the gym. However, the last time I was there, I noticed something interesting. Although, exercising usually is a stress reducer and energizes me, I was feeling stressed, anxious and down by the time that I was finished and ready to leave the gym. What was going on? I thought back to the last hour and remembered the discussions around me coupled with the constant stream of incredibly bad news on the T.V. And then I checked into what I was thinking about and I understood the problem. I was swirling with all the negativity that I had just witnessed on the T.V.

 

There’s a lot of negative news out there to consume lately. If you’re keeping up on just the daily political news, you can become quite overwhelmed, stressed and frankly, a bit depressed. There’s just so much and the rate at which it is changing, is dizzying. So the question is, is this negative news affecting you in your personal and professional life? Well, the truth may surprise you.

 

In 2012, a preliminary study with Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania found that just a few minutes of negative news daily has a significant effect on your mood. An additional study examined the longer-term impact of negative news on your well-being and performance. The results stunned the research team when they found that individuals that watched just three minutes of negative news in the morning were profoundly impacted. This group had a 27% greater chance of reporting 6-8 hours later that they had been unhappy during their day. Did you hear that? Over 25% of the group was severely affected by the negative news.

 

So what does it matter if employees are unhappy at work? Does that really affect the bottom line? Theresa Amabile and Steven Kramer, authors of the Progress Principle, collected 12,000 entries, from 238 employees, where their daily emotions were tracked. Surprisingly, 1/3 of the entries revealed employees that were unhappy, unmotivated or both. Research shows that how you are feeling has a huge impact on your creativity, productivity, commitment and social interaction in the workplace.

 

I had already figured this out. Days when I’m not feeling my energized confident self, I have difficulty focusing, being productive and creative.

 

I know it’s impossible to be happy all the time. Things happen that derail you from your usual productive self, no matter how hard you try and how much resilience you possess. Couple this with our 24 access to news information daily, and you can better understand the problem. However, having awareness of how negative news can impact your emotions and moods and in turn, your work performance, can help you make better decisions about your “negative news consumption”.

 

In today’s fast paced, over stimulated world, it’s definitely something to think about.

 

Staying Positive

The only time I watch the news on T.V. is when I am at the gym. However, the last time I was there, I noticed something interesting. Although, exercising usually is a stress reducer and energizes me, I was feeling stressed, anxious and down by the time that I was finished and ready to leave the gym. What was going on? I thought back to the last hour and remembered the discussions around me coupled with the constant stream of incredibly bad news on the T.V. And then I checked into what I was thinking about and I understood the problem. I was swirling with all the negativity that I had just witnessed on the T.V.

 

There’s a lot of negative news out there to consume lately. If you’re keeping up on just the daily political news, you can become quite overwhelmed, stressed and frankly, a bit depressed. There’s just so much and the rate at which it is changing, is dizzying. So the question is, is this negative news affecting you in your personal and professional life? Well, the truth may surprise you.

 

In 2012, a preliminary study with Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania found that just a few minutes of negative news daily has a significant effect on your mood. An additional study examined the longer-term impact of negative news on your well-being and performance. The results stunned the research team when they found that individuals that watched just three minutes of negative news in the morning were profoundly impacted. This group had a 27% greater chance of reporting 6-8 hours later that they had been unhappy during their day. Did you hear that? Over 25% of the group was severely affected by the negative news.

 

So what does it matter if employees are unhappy at work? Does that really affect the bottom line? Theresa Amabile and Steven Kramer, authors of the Progress Principle, collected 12,000 entries, from 238 employees, where their daily emotions were tracked. Surprisingly, 1/3 of the entries revealed employees that were unhappy, unmotivated or both. Research shows that how you are feeling has a huge impact on your creativity, productivity, commitment and social interaction in the workplace.

 

I had already figured this out. Days when I’m not feeling my energized confident self, I have difficulty focusing, being productive and creative.

 

I know it’s impossible to be happy all the time. Things happen that derail you from your usual productive self, no matter how hard you try and how much resilience you possess. Couple this with our 24 access to news information daily, and you can better understand the problem. However, having awareness of how negative news can impact your emotions and moods and in turn, your work performance, can help you make better decisions about your “negative news consumption”.

 

In today’s fast paced, over stimulated world, it’s definitely something to think about.

 

Simple Solutions

My spouse and I have an ongoing argument. We have been fighting about this for about as long as we have been married. Believe me, it’s been a long time.

Our disagreement is always about the temperature in the house. I’m always cold and he’s always warm. Now, the rule in the house is that once it’s become warm out and there is an urgent need to turn on the air, the heat is officially turned off for the season. That means if the air-conditioning is turned on on April 15 because it’s 80 degrees out, you are not to turn the heat on the next week when it plummets to 45.

In case you were wondering, I didn’t make this rule.

I try to weather (no pun intended) this as best as I can, but sometimes it’s just ridiculous. Last night was one of those nights. I came home and noticed that the house was quite cool. I complained and complained about it and of course, nothing happened. This morning, I woke up and immediately felt that the room was freezing. All the animals were smashed up against me trying to stay alive in the frigid temps. I went downstairs to eat breakfast, feeling the same frustration welling up inside of me, muttering to myself how tired I am of this whole situation.

I considered waking him up to have the same familiar fight and then it dawned on me. Why was I so miserable when there was an obvious solution? Why did I continue to complain when there was another, better, alternative? I walked over to the thermostat and turned the heat back on in the house.

It was that easy.

Have you ever noticed that some of the stuff that drives us crazy doesn’t really have to drive us crazy? There are obvious solutions to our problems, but we are so intent on our negative swirling that we forget we don’t have to be quite so unhappy. We play out the same pattern over and over and we lose sight of reality: the situation is really not that hard to resolve. We really have more control to change our lives than we think.

I know you are thinking that I was pretty silly to not see the obvious— that all I had to do was walk over to the thermostat and change the setting to heat. However, It never occurred to me. I will bet that something like this is playing out right now in your own personal or professional life. Maybe it involves a co-worker that is driving you crazy, a boss that makes you lose your patience or a friend that has overstayed their welcome. Whatever the situation, it’s possible that you have become so emotionally involved in “the fight” that you can no longer see the “forest for the trees”. There’s a chance that the pattern is set, and you might find some strange comfort with the negative interaction. You continue to stay where you are because you no longer can see the choices you have to make your life better.

So take a step back and try to get a birds-eye view of the situation. There’s a good chance that you can break out of the pattern and find a positive solution.

And in case you were wondering about my dilemma, he has yet to say anything to me.

Facing Challenges

Last week, I went skiing in Colorado and had an exhausting, but great time. Much of my energy was spent trying to stay upright and not trying to be too anxious about flying down the hills. Most of the time, my husband would ski ahead of me and then I would try to catch up, carefully and slowly, for fear of taking a big tumble.

 

As I was coming down the mountain, I caught a glimpse of a skier out of the corner of my eye. This skier was moving at a good pace down the mountain. The second glimpse revealed two ski instructors working with him. My first thought was how you must have money to burn to have two ski instructors working with you. (I think that we can all agree I just made another judgment).

 

When I really took a good look at the situation, I realized that the skier moving at a fast clip had a caution sign on his back that read, “Blind Skier”.

 

Yes, that’s right, that skier that was moving as fast, or faster than me, was blind. Can you believe it? That just blew my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it as I made my way down the mountain.

 

We are capable of much more than we think we are.

Everyday, I talk to people that tell me what they can’t do or accomplish. They are very certain about WHY they can’t do things and have a whole rationalization in place to prove their point. They are terrified of change and of getting outside their comfort zone. Now imagine having the guts and courage to ski fast down a hill while not being able to see. You need to trust yourself and dig down deep to find the confidence to take on such a feat. You know that little step forward that you are struggling to make? Maybe it isn’t so overwhelming after all. Maybe it’s just getting bigger and bigger in your head, the more you think about it. My suggestion to you is to stop thinking so much and just do it. Break out of that pattern and take a chance. If this guy can do it, I’m sure you can do it too!

 

 

When we lose one strength, we can develop other strengths to help us through life.

How did that guy navigate that mountain without his sight? I imagine that he had developed other senses to help him. He heard the crunch of the snow beneath his skis and knew what each sound meant. He felt the vibration of the skis and learned to trust his body’s reactions to each movement forward. He didn’t have his sense of sight anymore, so he was compelled to develop other strengths to get him through the experience. The same thing can be said for us. We can’t stop learning and growing. As we grow, we may be no longer able to use certain strengths or skills. However, we must be creative in developing strategies to overcome these limitations. They are only limitations if we say that they are limitations.

 

I have a message for all of you out there who are scared to move forward in life— take a chance. If my friend the blind skier can do it, I’m pretty sure that you can find the courage to take a leap of faith.

Making the Right Decision

image taking controlI was discussing an upcoming training with a client the other day when she informed me that one of the key employees wouldn’t be able to make it. If we didn’t present the training on our previously planned date, it would have to be postponed for some time. I immediately responded that we should postpone the training for a couple months until everyone can be present.

 

My client responded by disagreeing with me and insisting that we go ahead with the training. My first thought was that she just didn’t understand the whole situation. Surely, she could see how her thinking was wrong. However, as I continued to truly listen to her reasoning, I began to change my perspective. I actually began to see why her thinking made sense. She did understand what we were trying to accomplish and had already given the dilemma much thought.

 

I was speaking from my experience, my knowledge of the situation and from my vantage point. I was making my best judgment. However, she shared new information, and made the case as to why this was the right decision. After receiving additional information, I agreed to moving forward with her plan.

 

So remember when I said that I listened and realized that in light of some new compelling information, I might be incorrect? That’s where a lot of leaders fail in their quest to be successful. They are strong in the concept of making decisions and leading the team, but might not be making the BEST decision because they just won’t listen.

 

Here are a couple principles to think about next time you are in this situation:

 

Someone else might have a better idea and that’s O.K.

So here’s the truth: Sometimes it’s not easy for leaders and influencers to like other ideas better then their own. Leaders are confident in their actions. However, leaders can LEARN to step back and truly listen and respect other’s opinions and judgments. This skill can be developed with constant practice.

 

Focus on the best outcome, not on who had the best idea

Focus less on being right or wrong and more on what the best outcome is for the team. Drop the ego and ask yourself: Will this decision accomplish our goals? Will this decision get us to where we want to go? How will we see the results that we desire?

 

Truly listen to others when they share their opinion

If I had not actively listened to my client, I would have still been stuck on my original assessment. We would have postponed the training and it would have been the wrong decision for everyone. However, once I heard her additional information and put it in context for this situation, I realized that I didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. Actively listening means that I am able to get outside what going on in my own head and what my needs are in the situation. I am able to take a birds-eye view of the situation and see the objective facts.

 

Think about this the next time you have a discussion and there is a decision to be made. Consciously step back and truly listen to the reasoning. Don’t let emotion and ego get in the way of you reaching the best outcome.

Change Your Mindset

 

image head mindset

The noise from the exercise room at the gym caught my attention. Curious, I peered in to see what was going on. Someone in the group yelled to me and suggested that I join them for the new class that was about to start. I had never taken part in this new exercise and felt a little hesitant.

To be perfectly honest, my first thought was that I didn’t know what to expect. It just wasn’t what I had planned to do that morning. But then I thought about the opportunity of trying something new, and I got excited. I told myself that I’m sure that I could survive this experience, even if I didn’t know what I was doing and I just might learn something new.

 

Looking back, it was crazy to have any reservations. But let’s be real here, you probably do this as well. Dependent upon your beliefs, you might be willing to try and learn new things or you might feel comfortable staying within your zone where you can be sure to excel.

 

According to a theory created by Carol Dweck, a world renowned Psychologist at Stanford University, individuals possess fixed or growth mindsets. She has studied achievement and success for decades and has uncovered two different belief systems that exist within the population.

 

People with a fixed-mindset believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence and talent, is fixed and won’t change over their lifetime. They believe talent alone is what leads to success. According to the book “Mindset”, by Carole Dweck, people with a growth mindset believe that their abilities can be developed throughout their life with perseverance and hard work. Their talent and skills are just the starting point, not the end point.

 

What happens when you possess a fixed mindset and you fail? You are definitely not encouraged to try again because apparently, you are not working within your talents. On the other hand, what happens if you possess a growth mindset and you fail? You figure that you might need to do things a little differently, make some changes and try again. A growth mindset leads to individuals that are more resilient, willing to learn new things and more comfortable getting outside their comfort zone.

 

In the last two weeks, I had two client situations that best represent the need for possessing a growth-mindset in the workplace. In one situation, a team member commented to a leader that they don’t learn by training and coaching. In another situation, a team member shared with the leader that they abhor all training.

 

I suspect that both of these situations had more to do with individuals adhering to a fixed-mindset belief and feeling uncomfortable learning outside their rigid rules of success. If the learning involves an area where they currently don’t excel, they don’t want to take part.

 

They could fail.

 

I encourage companies to promote the growth-mindset and create a culture where learning and development is at the company’s core. That means sometimes, you will be asked to dabble outside your area of expertise and become comfortable with the process and the outcome. This is regardless of whether it’s a raving success or a complete flop.

 

That’s the true definition of success.

 

 

Forced Changes

image railroad tracksI was sitting in a local coffee shop with my tea trying to focus on my work. However, focus was an uphill battle for me. You see, trying to work when something is “going on” around me is quite difficult.

 

Let me explain.

 

I believe the way my mind works has a lot to do with my childhood. I have a memory of being with my parents in the car at a stoplight. My mom looks over to the couple next to us and she starts talking.

 

“It looks like they are not getting along. Look how he is trying to avoid her and she is trying to talk to him. I can tell she is getting very frustrated and this has probably been going on for a while. Why doesn’t he just look at her so that she’ll feel better. I can tell that she is very sad about the situation and is very upset. I bet that they’ve been married for a while and look how uncomfortable the kids look in the back. They look so unhappy. Why can’t parents just realize how it affects their kids”?

 

Now, I remember thinking:

  1. I can’t understand why she cares about the strangers next to us.
  2. When I look over there I see nothing.
  3. How she can weave a whole complete story in one minute?

Now back to my story. I’m sitting in the coffee shop trying to write a proposal. This is just detail work and not my favorite part of my job. However, I am trudging through it so I can say that I’ve accomplished one more thing. Next to me is a woman and her daughter. When I sat down, I saw the woman wiping her face and for a minute, I thought she was crying.

 

As I work, I try not to think about her but this is very, very hard. You see, I guess my brain is just wired to pick up on other’s emotion. I try to sneak a glance and I see her wiping her face again. She is talking in hushed tones to her adult daughter. I also notice that she does most of the talking while the daughter listens. I sneak a quick glance at the daughter but I don’t catch much. I can’t really hear the words but the tone is serious.

 

I force myself to focus on my work and stop being my mom. I hear the words; “I helped you out of debt already.” The other words I hear during the conversation is the following, “ you need to make changes in the way you live your life.” The emotion is all one-sided with daughter being stoic. The last thing I hear before they leave is Mom saying, “I think that I have done too much for you in your life”.

 

I thought about this for a while after they left. There are times that (to a lesser degree) I am the mother in this scenario. I catch myself wanting the companies that I work with to desperately make CHANGES more than THEY actually want the changes to happen. I find myself wanting coaching clients to make CHANGES more than they actually want to make them happen. I sometimes think that if I keep talking, that the change will happen. Maybe I can WILL it to happen.

 

But that’s not the way life works.

 

I think that we are all guilty of this at some point in life and we can waste a lot of energy worrying, persuading and trying to make these CHANGES happen. We do this because we want to control our world and a loss of control is not a good feeling.

 

I think it’s about time for you and me to accept the fact that we have no control over others desire to change. We have control over just YOU and ME. We can lay it out there for others but the ball is in their court.

 

So let it go.

Fear of CHANGE

image fear of changeA couple of months ago, I was coaching a client that was struggling to make changes in his work and home life. He was having difficulty focusing on his responsibilities and felt miserably stuck. Everyday was another lesson in futility. From his vantage point, he had no options to change the situation.

 

As an exercise, I suggested that we make a list of all the choices that he had in life. He was to write down every single choice that came to mind, devoid of judgment. I was impressed by his ability to list the different choices that he had, no matter how crazy they seemed. After the list was completed, we went through the choices and took a closer look at each one of them.

 

One by one, we discussed the choices in detail. One by one, he would give me all the reasons why the choice would absolutely never work. I tried to help him see each choice from a fresh perspective, but no matter what I did, he had a whole list of compelling reasons why it would fail.

 

I looked at him for awhile and then I said calmly, “Do you notice that you’ve vehemently explained to me why none of these ideas work when you originally thought these ideas were great? Why do you think that is?”

 

Sometimes we are so scared of trying something new that we will stay in a horrible situation. There are a lot of uncertainties in trying something new. We don’t know exactly what’s going to happen. We aren’t sure how things are going to progress. Fear of the unknown causes us to stay exactly where we are. Fear of failure can take ahold of us and rule our life. The truth is that not making a choice and staying stuck is also failing.

 

Change is hard. It’s hard for people and it’s hard for organizations.

 

At some point in your life, you have sat in this very same chair. You have lamented how unhappy you are, yet still aggressively fought the possibility of any change. Fighting the change ensured that you would be safe from failure. Or did it?

 

My suggestion is to make one change. The change doesn’t have to be huge; it just has to be one teeny tiny step that moves you in the direction of your goal. After you have done this, take another tiny step and another. This pushes you out of your paralysis stage and into an action stage.

 

Be honest and recognize that your reasoning for shooting down all your choices is tied up in your fear of what waits on the other side. Accept the emotion and continue to take small incremental steps.

 

Along the way, be sure to remind yourself that the FEAR of FEAR is far worse than the fear itself.

Phone Addiction

image on phoneI noticed something interesting this morning when I finished my exercise class. As I walked over to grab all my stuff and go home, I took a good look at all the other people getting ready to leave. Instead of talking to each other and discussing the class and life, every single one of them was staring down at their phones. There were 5 people lined up against the wall, all engrossed in their smartphones.

 

This made me chuckle and think about another incident that recently got my attention.

 

I attended a wedding with my whole family. I was so happy to have everyone together to celebrate this joyous occasion. After eating, I pulled everyone out on the dance floor. For a good 45 minutes, we laughed and danced like crazy to the music. Suddenly, I looked over to the closest table to the dance floor. There were about ten people at the table, all in their 20’s. Every single one of them sat silently, staring at their phone.

 

No one engaged in conversation and no one looked up from their phone. Honestly, it was the strangest and saddest thing I had ever seen. In fact, I pointed it out to my son, who quickly snapped a picture of it on his OWN phone.

 

There we were, engaged in the moment, celebrating this big event. However, instead of being in the “here and now”, the group of 10 were isolated with their technology.

 

There’s a story about a CEO of a large billion-dollar company that decided to change his policy for their weekly tactical meetings. As each member of the leadership team entered the room, the CEO motioned for them to place their phones in the box he was holding. He reported that the first meeting didn’t go too well. The team was fidgety and irritated with the change in rules. However, over time he found that the team’s conversations became more meaningful, and the team became more effective and productive. They were focused on NOW.

 

Do you realize how powerful it was to have all that talent in the room with no distractions?

 

I have definitely noticed this issue in my last couple of training presentations. When working with a small group, participants will inevitably utilize their smartphones to check email, etc. during the training. Even when I make a point to ask employees to stay off their phone, there are always a couple of offenders.

 

There are two reasons why this is happening. First, it is no longer seen as bad manners to interrupt what you are doing to check or be on your phone. Second, this behavior has become such a habit that we have difficulty changing this wired action. We are compelled to reach for our phones without even being aware that we are doing it.

 

I’m unsure how this smartphone behavior is going to manifest in the future workforce. In some ways, it helps us accelerate business, but in other ways, it’s a total distraction, a drain on our productivity and a barrier to creative problem solving.

 

I believe what’s needed are some boundaries with smartphone usage. Leadership must role model good behavior and have expectations that there are times where usage is off limits.

 

Organizations want engaged, creative, productive workers and that comes with eliminating the distractions during work. The best work comes out of people that can truly focus on the task at hand.