Stepping Back

image looking over cliffIt was years ago, but I still remember it vividly. My husband and my son were in the backyard taking apart the very used trampoline. Full of tears, it had reached the point where it was no longer safe for the kids. There was a new one sitting in a box in the backyard. However, before they could assemble the new one, they needed to tear apart the old one. The task seemed pretty simple.

 

The trampoline was made up of 2-foot long curved metal tubes that you put together to form the circle shape. They were pulling the pieces off at a good pace when they hit a snag. You see, one tube refused to pull apart from the other tube. It was jammed in there and refused to budge. When I first looked out the window, I saw them working hard on that one end. They had pulled off enough tubes that they were holding about ½ of the original circle. They hammered, pulled and tried just about everything to get the tube to release from the others. Nothing worked.

 

The next time I looked out, 20 minutes had passed. I walked outside and saw that they were still working on the same tube, trying everything to get it unstuck. They were laser focused on solving this issue and totally engrossed in their work. I yelled to them and asked if that was still the same tube. They said yes and it was clear that I was breaking their concentration. I then asked them why they don’t just try to pull apart the tubes at the other end of the ½ circle. They looked at me with bewilderment and tried it. Each one came apart and they were left with the two they had been working on.

 

“You are surrounded by simple, obvious solutions that can dramatically increase your income, power, influence and success. The problem is, you just don’t see them.”

Jay Abraham

 

This story illustrates what happens to many people in the workplace. For a variety of reasons, we fail to see the forest for the trees. We’re so intent on solving the problem and focusing in on the details that we totally miss the whole picture. We miss the simple answer that is right in front of our eyes.

 

This kind of thinking can cause organizations to take a very wrong turn and make poor decisions that can lead to even poorer outcomes.

 

There’s a good chance that right now, you’re grappling with some decisions or problems and wondering about the solution. Here’s my suggestion; step back and take a fresh look on the whole situation. Open your mind and make a list of the many ways you could solve the problem. Take a break from the situation and do something totally different. Truly listen to others that might have a different approach than your own.

 

What I’m suggesting to you is to get outside your own box. You have learned to solve problems in the same manner. You need a new perspective.

 

Just don’t get stuck in your head without taking a step back.

Working Smarter

image working smartRecently, I was working with a business client that was complaining about not having enough time in her day. I asked her to write her schedule down daily. When we reviewed the schedule the next week, she commented that she was certain I could see the problem. There just wasn’t enough time to accomplish everything important in her life!

 

What I did decipher, among other things, was that she worked an unbelievable amount of hours in her career. In fact, she worked well over 60 of them. Now, I’m sure that this bit of information does not faze some of you. You see a clear connection between the number of hours you work weekly and your desired career success. However, I beg to differ.

 

I own my own business and am quite guilty of working my fair share of 60-hour weeks, or more. It’s not unusual for me to be working 7 days a week on some aspect of my job. Yet, I noticed something yesterday that I want to share with you. Maybe this resonated with me because of the recent discussion with my client. Anyway, it was Saturday afternoon, and I was sitting at my desk. I had a to-do list beside me and knew exactly what I needed to accomplish. However, I was getting absolutely nothing done. Yes, I kept myself busy by jumping around on the internet and checking this or that- but I neglected to finish one thing on my list.

 

I was busy, but not with the tasks that I needed to accomplish.

 

I was mad at myself for not being able to be productive. I pulled up my accounts and began the task of filling in yesterday’s appointment updates. However, my brain was working in slow motion. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t focus on anything. Frustrated, I gave up after 2 hours of being “busy”.

 

Did you know that 4 in 10 Americans work over 50 hours a week? That probably doesn’t surprise you, but how about this tidbit: your productivity falls starting at 50 hours a week, and takes an even steeper decline at 55 hours weekly. Numerous studies back up the fact that at 55 hours, you become less efficient and the quality of your work declines.

 

Could this be the reason for the frustrating experience at my desk?

 

Maybe it’s not that we’re so busy in our lives as much as we waste time pretending like we’re working hard. Maybe we could get much more accomplished if we worked less hours and made those hours really matter.

 

My suggestion is to step back and take a good look at your work habits. Your life could possibly feel like it’s spinning out of control because you’re working hard, but you’re not working smart. You’re putting in the time, but you’re not making the MOST of your time. You could very well be like me and be wasting time, going through the motions of what you call work.

 

Before you consider implementing CHANGES, give some thought to the beliefs that you have about work. Do you believe that working hard is the only key to success? Does it soothe your guilt when you work? Do you think that it looks good to others? Does it enable you to ignore another part of your life?

 

Before you can make positive CHANGES, you need to understand what purpose overworking serves in your life.

 

When Change Doesn’t Go Your Way

image looking over cliffIt’s no secret that the Denver Broncos beat the Carolina Panthers the other night in the Super Bowl. Especially crushed was the quarterback, Cam Newton, who showed his true feelings and emotions at the press conference following the game.

 

Cam has been lambasted in the media for appearing sullen, having one-word answers, and subsequently, walking out during the conference. Apparently, he didn’t get the memo that as a top sport star, he is also required to be on his very best behavior— especially in front of millions of people.

 

The problem was simply his reaction to CHANGE. He didn’t expect to lose. He wasn’t prepared to lose. I doubt any true athlete is prepared to lose or they would never win.

 

So let’s review the facts: Cam Newton was the only player in recent times to be awarded the Heisman Trophy, win a national championship and become a first overall pick in the NFL within a one-year span. In 2011, he was the NFL rookie of the year, a 3 time pro bowler and named to the All Pro First Team. In his rookie year, he broke numerous records and in 2015, the Panthers only lost 1 game in the 15 weeks that they played.

 

Suffice it to say, Cam Newton didn’t get much experience learning how to lose. Winning in life is what he knew, and the more he won, the more he expected to win. That’s a good thing and that’s how teams become winning franchises. The Super Bowl is what every player has worked for all year. The snag is that he just assumed this would turn out the way he anticipated.

 

Now, I imagine that your emotions run high during a game. I suppose the adrenaline runs out of control leading up to the big game. Some of that emotion drives you to succeed while an overdose can take you out of control. And then, the end of the game comes and you have won or lost. In this case, his team lost and he’s required to go right from running on overdrive to 0 in a few minutes.

 

He’s expected to accept the fact, graciously I might add, that he has lost something he has worked for his whole entire life.

 

Becoming resilient in life and riding the waves is often a learned skill. You become adept at accepting change, moving on from experiencing major let downs and disappointments and finally, realizing that life goes on. You learn this at work when you lose that promotion that you thought you had in the bag. You learn this when you start a business and you fail miserably. You learn this when you think your boss is going to tell you how lucky they are to have you as an employee, but instead, they tell you that you‘re fired. You control your emotions in these situations the best you can, but no one would fault you for not being able to be gracious while you’re being kicked.

 

No one makes it through a career without getting hit with some bad luck here or there. The important thing to remember is that people are not robots— they are complicated human beings with feelings and emotions. You don’t always do the right thing. Sometimes it’s hard to keep it together and control your emotions. Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you don’t want to accept the CHANGE that life has thrown at you and you can’t take control in 15 minutes, or for that matter, in 15 days. Often, it’s a process and takes a while to think things through and make sense of the situation.

 

So give yourself and others a break when going through CHANGE and failure, whether it takes place in the workplace or on a world stage. In time, we all will learn to accept and understand this unexpected turn of events, becoming more resilient.

 

 

 

Defining Moments

image railroad tracks

 

We all have those moments in life. Recently, I had one on a ski slope in Canada.

 

My husband and I had decided to go to the top of the mountain and ski the bowl. I was a little hesitant because I saw a sign that said “expert skiers only” (I would rate myself as intermediate). He checked it out and the workers said that the sign was incorrect. On the first big hill, I took off among the throngs but something went awry. I felt my left ski lose control and before I knew it, I was down and tumbling. My body stopped rolling halfway down, with no skis and no poles in the vicinity. When I had my skis back on and my poles again in hand, I looked down the mountain. Something had changed inside of me. The more I stared down the hill, the more I became stuck. My legs went from shaking to rigid and tight.

 

Instructors stopped to help me but the more that I received help, the worse it got. I went from a feeling of high anxiety to one of anger. In that moment, I hated that I was there and could think of thousands of other things I’d rather be doing. It took me forever to get down the mountain as I progressed from paralyzed to slowly moving. I had no confidence, no skills and no interest in being on that mountain.

 

But I refused to give in. By the afternoon, I was flying down mountains again. We were one of the last skiers to come in because I didn’t want the day to end.

 

I’m sharing this story because I believe the lessons you need to learn in life for a successful 2016 are all embedded in this story.

 

  1. Mountains in life always look bigger than they are in reality.

When I was paralyzed looking down the mountain, it appeared to be the steepest hill that I had ever attempted. I believed that 100% in my heart. However, the reality is that the elevation was no different than every other hill I had attempted the day before. Sometimes when you are peering down the mountain of life, an obstacle can appear insurmountable. You need to remind yourself that you have accomplished these challenges before and realize that your emotions are clouding your rational judgment.

 

  1. It’s easier to blame your predicament on someone else than to take the responsibility.

After the ski instructors left and I was still stuck in the same position on the mountain, I began to get angry with my husband. It was his fault that I was in this situation. This made perfect sense to me. Beneath my anger was the defensive need to not take responsibility for my own actions. That would be too painful for me because it would reveal that I was failing, and who likes to feel failure? I didn’t want to feel that. How often do you do that in life? You end up blaming your boss, spouse, friend, or co-worker for your lot in life instead of accepting the feeling that you don’t measure up in some way. Being willing to accept the responsibility helps you move closer to your goals and find your success.

 

  1. Just hang in there and REFUSE to give in to the uncomfortable feelings.

At that moment, I wanted to go inside, get warm and call it a day. I hated every minute of the ski adventure for the next couple hours. However, I refused to give in to my feelings. As painful as it was, I slowly made my way down that mountain and kept on going. I just kept thinking, “I did this before, I’ll do it again”. Just like this experience, there will be certain times in your life that will feel so insurmountable, you won’t be capable of anything more than putting one foot in front of another. At these times, just force yourself to walk through the bad feelings and you will eventually make it to the other side of your fear. By hanging in there, you build confidence and resilience so next time is a bit easier. That is the true secret to finding your success.

 

Here’s to a great 2016!

 

Potential Risks

image looking over cliff

We were on our way back from a 40-mile bike ride when we heard people talking up ahead on the trail. As I peered off into the distance, I saw 5 people sitting in the grass, their bikes strewn about at the top of the hill. They had just accomplished a ride up the fairly steep elevation. It obviously had taken a lot of energy for the crew, since they had decided to take some time out to catch their breath. From our vantage point, we couldn’t see anything but the 5 people and the top of the hill.

 

My husband yelled to me, “I wonder if there’s anyone else coming up the hill?” I didn’t say anything, and then I heard him yell to the group and ask if there were anymore still making their way up the hill. They replied with a no and began to get back on their bikes.

 

As we rode down the hill, I thought about what had just transpired. It would have never occurred to me to think about whether there was anyone else coming up the hill. It just wouldn’t have been of concern to me. Nor would I have even followed my thought up with a question directed at the crew. It just wasn’t important.

 

However, this was very important to him. I assume he was thinking about sharing the trail as he flies down the hill, going 30 miles an hour. I also assume that he was being cautious and safe.

 

The whole potential danger would have never crossed my mind. I just assumed that no matter what was coming at me as I flew down the hill, I could control my bike and maneuver around the obstacle safely.

 

If we’re riding and we get off course, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Eventually, we will figure out where we are and find our way back to our path. It always works out. In fact, sometimes the alternative journey that we end up taking when we’ve lost our way turns out far better than our original planned itinerary.

 

Our perspectives in life can be explained in the experience that I just shared with you. He is always looking ahead, gauging the dangers and obstacles in his way and looking for the best, safest path to get to his end goal. In contrast, I’m just riding toward my goals in life, assuming that when something happens, I will have confidence to deal with it in the best possible way. If I get off course and lose my way, I trust that eventually, I will figure it out. I’m always certain that it will work out just fine.

 

I’m not saying that one way of thinking in your personal and professional life is far better than another. What I am saying is that it’s good to think about WHERE you fall on this continuum. There are a lot of uncertainties and disappointments as you make your way down the mountain of life— eventually you will hit a huge pothole and it will get you off track.

 

 

This will occur no matter how diligent you are at assessing potential risks. Eventually, something will happen.

 

 

Having a combination of the two approaches to life is really your best bet. Be as proactive as you can, assess the possible dangers and risks, but beyond that, try to just live life and chase your goals.

 

And make sure you have the skills of RESILIENCE to weather the storm.

 

 

Quick Judgments

smiling pugLast week, Miles the Pug and I were on our usual walk in the neighborhood. As I turned the corner, I noticed that the neighbor’s two dogs were in the front of their house on their electric fence. They barked and snarled incessantly at the two of us as I opted to walk on the other side of the street.

 

I love dogs but those two have always put me on edge. They’re much larger than Miles and appear to be extremely territorial. To put it mildly, they always seem ready to attack.

 

Anyway, we walked to the front of the subdivision and were finally on our way back. As we got closer to the house with the snarling dogs, the barking became louder and louder. For months, I’ve walked on the sidewalk close to these dogs, trusting the electric fence. This time, I veered out into the street. Call it sixth sense, but those two were making me very nervous.

 

Suddenly, the bigger and angrier of the two ran full force toward us in the street. I had Miles on a retractable leash and in my panic, I didn’t lock it. There I was, screaming and frantically trying to pick Miles up before he became an appetizer for this dog. The dog targeted Miles by the neck while I chased the two in circles, trying to pick up my dog. Finally, I got ahold of him and began to run, with Miles trying desperately to wriggle out of my arms.

 

When I got home, I checked every inch of Miles to see if he had any bite marks. I couldn’t find any due to his agile circle moves. I was shocked that I couldn’t locate one bite. The next day, I informed the owners, who didn’t seem that surprised or concerned. The evil dog ran out and came to give me numerous kisses and love.

 

Two days later, I was walking Miles when we ran into the dog being walked by his young owner. The young man stopped to apologize profusely and as he talked, I noticed his dog was on a tight leash. As he explained himself, his dog obediently stood still. Out of nowhere, Miles the Pug lunged forward to attack the dog, barking and growling. I was shocked and embarrassed.

 

Now there’s a reason that I’m sharing this story. There’s a lot to learn by analyzing the way Miles and I reacted to this situation. This experience is not very different from how we often react to workplace conflict.

 

Sometimes we make assumptions about situations and relationships that just aren’t true.

 

From my vantage point, I saw Miles as the victim and the snarling dog as the bully. I assumed that Miles couldn’t defend himself in such a situation. However, Miles actually handled the dog’s aggression in the best way possible. He put the dog on warning that he was not going to go down easy. I was shocked by this reaction from him.

 

Conflict is a common occurrence during Change Initiatives in the workplace. There are times when we tend to label and categorize situations and relationships because it makes it easier for us to understand. One person is the bully and one person is the victim. If one person is guilty, than the other person is certainly innocent. However, it is rarely that simple. Often, situations and people can be very complicated.

 

Peering from the outside, it is often difficult to see the nuances that make up conflict within relationships. It never is as straightforward as it initially appears. Each individual in the relationship plays a part and needs to take responsibility for that piece.

 

So the next time you see conflict brewing between two individuals, try to refrain from making quick judgments.

 

Life is rarely explained in black and white terms.

 

 

Running on Autopilot

image autopilotIt really isn’t that hard to believe that it happened if you understand the logic behind habits. There I was, struggling as usual to get out of the gym and make it back to my house in time. I knew that I had about 20 minutes to get completely ready to leave for an appointment. Deep in thought about my next appointment, I grabbed my keys that were in the cubby above my jacket and picked up my phone. Doing what I always do when I get in the car, I put my foot on the brake, hit the button to start the engine, and dropped the keys into my purse.

 

Four days later, I was searching my purse for something, when I found a set of strange keys. I stared at them for a while, trying to think up a logical reason as to why they would be in my purse. I came up empty.

 

Terrified that I had taken them from someone at the last store I had visited, I ran back to talk to them. They had never seen the keys. I imagined someone, somewhere, was being held captive without his or her keys. I traced and retraced my steps to try to solve the problem, but I just didn’t have the answers.

 

The next day, I went to the gym early in the morning, as I do every Monday. I mentioned to the worker that I had a strange set of keys in my purse and I sensed they belonged to someone here. I could tell from the look on his face that I had solved the mystery. Apparently, someone went to grab their own keys and found they were missing.

 

Now, when I do something stupid like this (and it truly was dumb), I have this need to dig down deep and figure out why. How did I not recognize that I was holding someone else’s keys? Why don’t I even remember reaching for the keys in the cubby and leaving the gym?

 

The answer lies in habits and patterns that we form in our life. In the book, Mindgym, Octavius Black and Sebastian Bailey explain that there are four different states of mind: thinking and critical, which are internal, and engaged and autopilot, which are external. Thinking and engaged are helpful states that allow you to navigate your life, while critical, negative thinking and autopilot states are harmful and stand in the way of you being successful.

 

Suffice it to say, I was in autopilot when I grabbed keys that didn’t belong to me. I was in autopilot when I dropped them in my purse without looking at them.

 

You depend on habits for 40% of the actions that you have throughout your day. Habits enable you to perform numerous tasks without exerting as much brainpower. Habits also are the reason that change is so difficult for you. They are deeply ingrained patterns that you do without giving it much thought.

 

However, in a week where I lost my umbrella, left my sweater at a restaurant AND took someone elses keys, maybe it’s time to rethink my autopilot habits and become more engaged in my surroundings. It is very possible that you might need to give thought to the patterns in your life as well.

 

 

 

 

 

Best-Laid Plans

image broken dishOn Labor Day weekend, we had plans to go on a long bike ride. We were going to do a 65-mile route that we had done before, but this time we would reverse our course and be faced with some pretty big hills.

 

Notice that I said that we had PLANS. That’s the funny thing about plans— they don’t always come to fruition.

 

It happened at exactly 1.8 miles. I heard a loud pop that sounded like a gunshot. At first, I had no idea what had just happened. Within a few seconds, the source of the noise was apparent. My back tire was flat. As we pulled over to fix the tire, my first thought was, “Well there goes my plan of doing this ride within the allotted amount of hours!” Then, I forced myself to focus on the task at hand— changing the tire. We replaced the inner tube and filled the tire with air once more.

 

Guess what happened? Again, the tire immediately made the loud popping noise. That’s when we noticed the tire was shredded on the side.

 

It was clear that we weren’t riding anywhere and I would be walking home 1.8 miles.

 

My first thought this time was “We can’t go now, our day is ruined!” and my feeling was one of disappointment. This was not what we had planned. Then, my problem solving took over. We discussed how and where I could get another tire. As I walked my bike back to my house, I thought about how I was still going to make this ride happen. You see, I had my whole day planned. I was going to go shopping after my ride but now that wasn’t going to work. So I quickly thought through my new plan.

 

By the time I got home, I sprang into action. I went shopping and ran some errands while my husband went to buy another tire. After lunch, we were ready to ride again.

 

On my bike ride, I thought about the earlier experience and how it really wasn’t any different from what happens to most of us everyday. Things happen and our reaction to those things determines our level of stress and unhappiness. As humans, we like to control our world. We feel safe, secure and in control when we have structure, plans and know what to expect in life. However, life can rarely be controlled so tightly. No matter how hard you try to control things, stuff happens that you didn’t count on.

 

Many times, the stuff that happens is far worse than a little flat tire.

 

Now think about the last time that your plans were upended? How did you react?

 

This skill that enables you to ride the waves when your life turns upside down and things don’t go the way you expected is called RESILIENCE. Most of us are not born with this skill but if you work hard, you can definitely develop it over time. Just like me, you’ll always have that first thought that acknowledges your disappointment and initial reaction to the new turn of events. However, the next thought and feeling is pivotal to where you end up. The next thought and feeling determines whether you can change how things turn out.

 

Stuff is always going to happen. This stuff seems to undermine your plans in life. Learn to weather those changes so you can still find the success you desire in both your personal and professional life!

 

 

 

Leaving the Puppy Out

image destroysMy son came to visit last weekend and brought his 6-month-old Golden Doodle puppy. We went shopping and spent way too much time picking out the perfect new toy and collar for the puppy. He had both of these items destroyed within minutes.

 

This puppy has a history of chewing objects that are not his toys. I’m talking about shoes, newspapers, magazines and pretty much anything that he can get his little paws on. You have to keep an eye on him at every moment because he gets into trouble pretty fast.

 

Anyway, my son and daughter-in-law have tried, with mixed results, to leave him out in the house when they are gone. They feel bad that this energetic puppy is being kept in his small crate all day. I can understand how they feel.

 

My daughter-in-law called me on her way home from work last week and told me that she was anxious to see if their puppy had been good all day. She informed me that she had left him out. I replied with an “uh-oh”. I envisioned the mess that was probably waiting for her. I didn’t doubt for a minute that there was going to be a cleanup in her future.

 

To make a long story short, the puppy didn’t let me down. The photo she sent me told the whole story. The couch was strewn with a variety of shoes that the puppy had methodically pulled out of the closet. I recognized my son’s dress shoes. I couldn’t see up close, but I’m pretty sure that some of those shoes were no longer wearable.

 

Right now, you’re probably thinking that this could have easily been avoided. You would have known better and it would have never happened to you. However, we’re all guilty of “leaving the puppy out” now and then.

 

You know that employee you continue to trust to manage the team even though they have let you down numerous times in the past? How about that friend that has been in your life forever and you continue to be shocked when they disappoint you? Or the co-worker that repeatedly frustrates you when you stick your neck out for him or her— yet you still go back for more? Sometime in your life, you have been guilty of this. You want to trust them, you want to believe that this time they mean it and they will change— but all too often, you are let down. You wash, rinse and repeat many times over.

 

You want it to work much more than they do.

 

It’s a wonderful human quality to believe in someone. However, sometimes we want others to change more than they want to or more than they’re ready for. We set them up for failure by continuing to give them rope to hang themselves with.

 

The only person that you have the right to be mad at is YOU. You need to take control of this situation. Stop expecting different outcomes with the same scenario over and over.

 

It’s time to take responsibility for what’s not working.

The Art of Optimism

image glass half fullI have a friend that struggles to stay positive. Whatever happens in her life, she imagines the worst possible scenario. She has difficulty accepting that her situation is often just temporary and that it’s possible for things to turn around and improve. Frankly, she thinks people that who are optimistic are just kidding themselves. Her belief is that in real life, things don’t work out the way you want.

 

Do you know anyone with this perspective on life?

 

Elizabeth Tenney, a Professor of Business Management at the University of Utah, was curious about the role that optimism played in the workplace. What she found surprised her. Her research concluded that optimism didn’t help a person improve their performance as much as she had initially thought. However, the research revealed that having optimism helped individuals to stick with an arduous task and persevere. As you can imagine, this would be an important quality to possess in the workplace.

 

A show of hands please— how many of you would like to spend your workday surrounded by pessimistic colleagues? How about optimistic colleagues? That’s what I thought.

 

Martin Seligman, who has done vast research surrounding this topic, explains 0ptimism as the ability to always view the positive side of the situation. No matter how dark and discouraging things look, an optimistic individual has the ability to see the upside and know that things will work out. Pessimists have difficulty seeing the upside of any situation that exists in their life. They assume that things will stay bad forever. Optimists, on the other hand, view their current situation as only temporary. Deep down, they believe that things will improve soon and it only takes some patience to wait it out.

 

In today’s world, the workplace can be stressful. Whether you’re working in a corporate environment, or as an entrepreneur, the expectations and rules to succeed are constantly changing and evolving. Your ability to ride the wave through the good times and bad is essential to your success. Having an optimistic perspective enables you to see the possibilities and be creative in your problem solving.

 

Your ability to be resilient is the key ingredient to you and your workers achieving your goals.

 

There are going to be good days and bad days at the job— sometimes you’ll just want to give up. However, you must learn to persevere and drown out the distracting noise around you. Sometimes the most distracting noise is happening right inside your own head. I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to retrain your brain. With practice, you can learn to view these times as temporary setbacks that will soon turn around. If you’re determined to change, you can become a much more optimistic person.

 

I’m quite optimistic that things can change for you.