What Truly Matters

image mountain molehillsMy husband and I recently drove up to Chicago for the 4th of July weekend. We took our bikes with us so we could go for rides on trails throughout the city.

 

We had also mapped out where we were going to eat for all three dinners.  The first night would be at one of our favorite seafood houses that we frequent every year. My husband had received a coupon that gave us $25.00 off, which made the restaurant even more appealing. As we began to order, my husband realized that he had forgotten the coupon back in Cincinnati.

 

It seemed ridiculous to not take advantage of this opportunity, so we brainstormed on how to solve the problem.  Finally, he remembered that his ipad was back at the hotel and he could access the coupon from there.  We decided that he would walk back to the hotel, which was only a few minutes away.

 

Left alone with my glass of wine, I retrieved my phone and became engrossed in email and the internet for a while. With the dining tables situated so close together and nothing of extreme importance to distract me, it was difficult not to overhear the very loud conversation next to me. A couple had ordered drinks from the bar and was not happy with them.

 

After a closer listen, I realized that they were unhappy because the drinks were served in glassware that was very different from what they had anticipated.  The taste of the drink was fine, yet they felt that their specialty margarita drink should come in the conventional glass used in other restaurants. Finally, they called the manager over to complain.

 

The manager politely told them that the glass in which they had received their drink was their traditional glass for that restaurant. They didn’t even have any other glasses to use for a drink.  He went on to explain that the glasses utilized for all drinks fit the style and era of the restaurant. He offered to supply them with a different drink that might make them happy but they declined and continued to dispute the glass dilemma.

 

Remember, they had no issue with the taste of the drink.  They were unhappy with the glass.  They were stuck on this minor issue for a long, long time.

 

From my perspective, they took a perfectly wonderful dinner and found a way to put a damper on it.  In the grand scheme of things, the glass that your drink is served in is probably not a big deal.  However, these two were able to get a lot of mileage out of this one snag in their evening.  This led me to ponder how they would be able to handle an elephant-sized problem in their life.

 

Resiliency, happiness and health always come down to a few key things: being able to adapt and roll with the punches and having a keen sense of when it’s worthwhile to invest your energy in a situation or just let it go. This was one of those times where it was a complete waste of their energy and emotion.

 

Are you guilty of this same kind of behavior every now and then?  If so, you might want to contemplate whether some changes are in order.

 

Every day, each moment that we are given in life is a gift.  It’s time that we treat it as such.

Eliminating Stress

imagesstress

 

Is anyone out there feeling some stress today?  I’ll make an educated guess that most of you are feeling some level of stress.  It has become the norm in our everyday lives. However, you don’t have to live your life this way.  There are strategies that you can utilize and decisions that you can make to lower or eliminate the stress that you feel on a daily basis.  Here are some tactics that might help you lower your level of stress and enable you to enjoy your life more.

 

Get an objective view of the situation

I understand that you lead a busy life. You have a lot of different responsibilities on your daily priority list.  However, you can become so overwhelmed with your commitments and responsibilities and so hyper focused on your own experience that you can no longer see things clearly. In order for you to get a more realistic view of your life, ask yourself the following questions:

 

1. What impact would this have on my life or others if I don’t follow through with this responsibility?

 

2.  Is the impact worth my level of stress and anxiety?

 

By asking these questions, you could force yourself to see that it isn’t the end of the world if you drop this commitment.  It’s so easy to get lost in the endless loop of stress or anxiety that you can lose sight of whether it even truly matters.

 

Watch your extreme thinking when you start getting stressed

Think about someone you would deem as stressed or anxious.  Chances are they talk in extremes and their extreme thinking fuels their anxiety.  They pepper their communication with words like  “have to”, “always”, “never”, “must” and “should”. They speak in hyperbole, setting themselves up for more stress. This communication style is simply fuel to the fire.  The running dialogue is always swirling in their head, and it’s the perfect storm for a life filled with stress and anxiety. Until they address what they’re telling themselves and make an effort to manage it, the stress and anxiety will only get worse. We all fall into this pattern now and then, so make an effort to acknowledge it and take action.

 

 

Stay away from stressful people

Do you know any people in your life that are stress mongers? These are the ones that just resonate with anxiety.  Every time you’re around them, stress just seeps out of their pores. The problem is that it usually then seeps into your pores.  Their goal is for you to understand the level of stress that they are feeling.  However, what actually happens is that they successfully transfer that stress to you.  Often, you leave the conversation feeling stressed and anxious while they go on to their next victim. I’m going to take a wild guess here and say that they probably don’t follow through on any advice you give them.  My suggestion to you is to minimize your time with these individuals.  If it’s impossible, just don’t engage in the anxiety talk and change the subject in the conversation.

 

Steve Maraboli said the following,

 

“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health.  Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.”

 

 

Please keep this in mind the next time you’re tempted to fall into this unhealthy pattern.

 

In the Wind

bag in windI was driving down the highway the other day when I noticed something up in the sky. As I drove closer to the object, I was able to assess what was up there. The object appeared to be a plastic bag, the kind that you get at the grocery store.  The bag was flying up and down and around with such energy. It followed no pattern or course, simply depending on the next big gust of wind to decide its fate.

 

The whole experience reminded me of a number of people that I’ve come across in my life.

 

I had a conversation with a young man a couple years ago.  The talk turned to his part-time job, so I asked him how it was going.  He lamented that his hours had been cut and felt angry about the whole situation.  He told me exactly how he was going to be affected by this unfortunate turn of events.  He definitely did his fair share of complaining.

 

I listened to him for a while before I spoke.  I asked him the obvious question— had he had discussed the cutbacks with his supervisor?  He looked at me incredulously and said no. When I asked him why he hadn’t had a discussion with this boss, he really didn’t have an answer.

 

I explained to him that he needed to ask WHY his hours had been cut. Then, with his boss, he needed to outline the reasons why allowing him to keep those hours would be the right decision. Frankly, none of this had ever occurred to him.  He didn’t feel that he had a choice in the situation. I believe he was just waiting for that next big gust of wind to decide his fate.

 

I talked to a young woman on the phone today. Earlier this year, she had lost her job to an unfortunate turn of events. She spent hours researching, networking and pounding the pavement to find another job. It didn’t surprise me that she found the perfect match fairly quick in her journey. Today she shared that, again, her new employer is taking drastic measures to cut back and a whole team has been laid off.

 

This is devastating news considering she just got back on her feet. However, I was impressed by the strength in her voice.  She refused to waste time whining about what couldn’t change and she was already busy networking and researching how she could take charge in her situation. She was adamant that she would control her destiny. She would not accept that the next big gust of wind would decide her fate.

 

I hate to say this, but I know individuals that have spent their whole lives in this pattern.  They float and bob from one job or relationship to the next, letting others decide their fate.  When the wind stops, they land. Usually, they blame their misfortune on others, never accepting the fact that the whole time, they had the ability to control their own path in life.

 

This is your reminder that you don’t have to be that plastic bag taking flight in the wind, unsure of where you’re going or when you will land.

 

You have the power to control your own destiny.

 

 

 

 

 

Risky Business

images riskAt 4:00 AM, I woke up to the sound of heavy rain hitting the roof.  It was a raging downpour. I sat up for a moment and said to my husband, “It’s raining hard.” The alarm was set to go off at 4:30 so we could make it downtown for Ride Cincinnati—

a bike ride to raise funds for Breast Cancer Research. We had plans to ride 63 miles, but didn’t want to ride in the rain.

 

The next time that I woke up was 7:00 AM. I couldn’t figure out how I had slept in. I discovered that my husband had turned off the alarm when he heard me say that it was raining. He had assumed that it would rain all morning and he didn’t want to take a chance in the ride. I was willing to take that risk, but it was too late for that.

 

Disappointed in the turn of events, I suggested that we go out for our own ride. I checked the weather for the morning and the forecast predicted that there was a 0% chance of rain, continuing into the afternoon. When we left the house, the sun was actually out.  That didn’t last long as we biked further and further out.  I trusted the forecast, so we continued on our ride until I began to feel the sprinkles on my helmet.  “It will pass,” I said, trying to convince myself.  It didn’t pass— the sprinkles turned into a steady rain.

 

At first, it really didn’t bother me until the steady rain turned into a much heavier, cold rain. We stopped under a bridge and waited, hoping that the rain would let up.  It didn’t. Finally, we decided to just ride the two miles to the restaurant and eat lunch.  As soon as we got there, the rain stopped and the sun came out.  With my clothes dried and my stomach full, I felt much, much better.

 

The moment we got on our bikes after lunch, the sun went in.  We were 10 minutes into our ride back home when it began to rain again.  Yes, even with a 0% chance, the rain became steady, miserable and cold. I was unhappy, soaked to the skin and freezing cold. And then it happened.

 

My husband asked me to look at his tire because it felt “strange” to him.  I said that I was sure it was nothing— wishful thinking.  He stopped and assessed his bike tire, which was flat.  On cue, the sky opened up with a torrential downpour.  I accepted the fact that there was nowhere to take cover on the bike trail. There I was, trying to read him instructions on my phone while attempting to keep the device dry in the pouring-down rain. My hands were numb from the cold and my clothing was soaked. Fun was not being had by either one of us.

 

Now, here’s the irony of the whole situation: I found out that it never rained during the morning event. If we had taken part in this, we would have enjoyed beautiful weather. However, we made our decision because we didn’t want to take the risk.

 

Risk.  Everyday, you make decisions while weighing your risks buy generic propecia.  Often, this measure of risk holds you back from experiences that you would enjoy and benefit from in life. Sometimes, the risk appears much bigger in your head than it is in reality.

I’m not saying to ignore the risk, but be sure to take some chances. Don’t allow yourself to miss out on life.

Risky Business

images riskAt 4:00 AM, I woke up to the sound of heavy rain hitting the roof.  It was a raging downpour. I sat up for a moment and said to my husband, “It’s raining hard.” The alarm was set to go off at 4:30 so we could make it downtown for Ride Cincinnati—

a bike ride to raise funds for Breast Cancer Research. We had plans to ride 63 miles, but didn’t want to ride in the rain.

 

The next time that I woke up was 7:00 AM. I couldn’t figure out how I had slept in. I discovered that my husband had turned off the alarm when he heard me say that it was raining. He had assumed that it would rain all morning and he didn’t want to take a chance in the ride. I was willing to take that risk, but it was too late for that.

 

Disappointed in the turn of events, I suggested that we go out for our own ride. I checked the weather for the morning and the forecast predicted that there was a 0% chance of rain, continuing into the afternoon. When we left the house, the sun was actually out.  That didn’t last long as we biked further and further out.  I trusted the forecast, so we continued on our ride until I began to feel the sprinkles on my helmet.  “It will pass,” I said, trying to convince myself.  It didn’t pass— the sprinkles turned into a steady rain.

 

At first, it really didn’t bother me until the steady rain turned into a much heavier, cold rain. We stopped under a bridge and waited, hoping that the rain would let up.  It didn’t. Finally, we decided to just ride the two miles to the restaurant and eat lunch.  As soon as we got there, the rain stopped and the sun came out.  With my clothes dried and my stomach full, I felt much, much better.

 

The moment we got on our bikes after lunch, the sun went in.  We were 10 minutes into our ride back home when it began to rain again.  Yes, even with a 0% chance, the rain became steady, miserable and cold. I was unhappy, soaked to the skin and freezing cold. And then it happened.

 

My husband asked me to look at his tire because it felt “strange” to him.  I said that I was sure it was nothing— wishful thinking.  He stopped and assessed his bike tire, which was flat.  On cue, the sky opened up with a torrential downpour.  I accepted the fact that there was nowhere to take cover on the bike trail. There I was, trying to read him instructions on my phone while attempting to keep the device dry in the pouring-down rain. My hands were numb from the cold and my clothing was soaked. Fun was not being had by either one of us.

 

Now, here’s the irony of the whole situation: I found out that it never rained during the morning event. If we had taken part in this, we would have enjoyed beautiful weather. However, we made our decision because we didn’t want to take the risk.

 

Risk.  Everyday, you make decisions while weighing your risks buy generic propecia.  Often, this measure of risk holds you back from experiences that you would enjoy and benefit from in life. Sometimes, the risk appears much bigger in your head than it is in reality.

I’m not saying to ignore the risk, but be sure to take some chances. Don’t allow yourself to miss out on life.

Readjust

images fish juumping

My son left the other day to go back to his on-campus house for the summer.  He has already graduated but he’ll be living in Michigan until he makes his big move to the West Coast.  He spent two weeks at home with my husband and I.  We enjoyed shopping trips, dog walks and nice dinners together. All in all, we had a wonderful time.

 

When he left Sunday afternoon, the house was eerily quiet and I felt a strange sadness.  He was gone and it had occurred to me that it was probably the last long visit he would ever spend at home. Things would never be the same. I thought about that for a while. And then I thought about how it was time to readjust.

 

By Tuesday, my husband and I were in a new routine and were busy focusing on our plans for a bike trip to Chicago. We were mapping out our route and finding a hotel in the perfect area.  Yes, it was definitely time to readjust and move on.

 

So what’s the option if you don’t readjust and move on?  Being stuck.  I’m sure you’ve been there a couple times in your life. It’s easy to recognize when you’re there: you know things have to change, need to change, must change, but you just can’t seem to find a way to dig yourself out from the mess.

 

You become bogged down with feelings and emotions that seem to get heavier and heavier.  Before you know it, you’ve become comfortable where you are and you stay. Being comfortable while not actually being content or happy is… at least, predictable. Readjustment is an unknown quantity.

 

Some people stay longer than others. Resilient individuals move on.

 

Readjusting your life takes energy and momentum.  Chances are, you might not feel like you have the energy to take on or accept a new situation. You figure that you’ll just get through another day, another week, and another month right where you are.  There is a risk in this approach: you can wake up and realize that for years you’ve been thinking about things while still hanging on to the past. And the truth is, the past really hadn’t been working for quite some time.

 

It truly doesn’t matter who you are or what part of your life you are struggling with right now.  It could be your career, your employees at work, or a piece of your personal life— it’s all the same.  In order to live a healthy successful life, the ability to readjust is crucial.  It directly impacts your overall resilience skills in life. This ability to deftly redirect and find a new path, new thinking, and not get stuck in the “way it was or should be” is your key to success.

 

So, are you investing energy into something when you really need to let go?  Have they proposed a new policy at work that’s difficult for you to accept and take the needed steps forward?  Are you tired of a relationship in your life that’s not working but can’t seem to move beyond talking about it? Are you feeling bored in your career and need to change your direction but can’t seem to get started? Do you need a lifestyle overhaul to become a bit healthier?

 

Then readjust.

 

Let’s get as many people on board as possible to readjust and move on. Make a pact to send this to just ONE PERSON that might need a little push in the right direction. You never know, it might just be the very thing that gives them the momentum to change.

 

Readjust

images fish juumping

My son left the other day to go back to his on-campus house for the summer.  He has already graduated but he’ll be living in Michigan until he makes his big move to the West Coast.  He spent two weeks at home with my husband and I.  We enjoyed shopping trips, dog walks and nice dinners together. All in all, we had a wonderful time.

 

When he left Sunday afternoon, the house was eerily quiet and I felt a strange sadness.  He was gone and it had occurred to me that it was probably the last long visit he would ever spend at home. Things would never be the same. I thought about that for a while. And then I thought about how it was time to readjust.

 

By Tuesday, my husband and I were in a new routine and were busy focusing on our plans for a bike trip to Chicago. We were mapping out our route and finding a hotel in the perfect area.  Yes, it was definitely time to readjust and move on.

 

So what’s the option if you don’t readjust and move on?  Being stuck.  I’m sure you’ve been there a couple times in your life. It’s easy to recognize when you’re there: you know things have to change, need to change, must change, but you just can’t seem to find a way to dig yourself out from the mess.

 

You become bogged down with feelings and emotions that seem to get heavier and heavier.  Before you know it, you’ve become comfortable where you are and you stay. Being comfortable while not actually being content or happy is… at least, predictable. Readjustment is an unknown quantity.

 

Some people stay longer than others. Resilient individuals move on.

 

Readjusting your life takes energy and momentum.  Chances are, you might not feel like you have the energy to take on or accept a new situation. You figure that you’ll just get through another day, another week, and another month right where you are.  There is a risk in this approach: you can wake up and realize that for years you’ve been thinking about things while still hanging on to the past. And the truth is, the past really hadn’t been working for quite some time.

 

It truly doesn’t matter who you are or what part of your life you are struggling with right now.  It could be your career, your employees at work, or a piece of your personal life— it’s all the same.  In order to live a healthy successful life, the ability to readjust is crucial.  It directly impacts your overall resilience skills in life. This ability to deftly redirect and find a new path, new thinking, and not get stuck in the “way it was or should be” is your key to success.

 

So, are you investing energy into something when you really need to let go?  Have they proposed a new policy at work that’s difficult for you to accept and take the needed steps forward?  Are you tired of a relationship in your life that’s not working but can’t seem to move beyond talking about it? Are you feeling bored in your career and need to change your direction but can’t seem to get started? Do you need a lifestyle overhaul to become a bit healthier?

 

Then readjust.

 

Let’s get as many people on board as possible to readjust and move on. Make a pact to send this to just ONE PERSON that might need a little push in the right direction. You never know, it might just be the very thing that gives them the momentum to change.

 

Let It Go

images kitten in mirror

 

I met a friend for lunch the other day.  As we talked, the conversation slowly turned to strong women “finding their inner sass”.  I was telling her about my presentation that I give on courage and confidence. During the talk, I spend time discussing why women struggle to find their voice.

 

I looked over at her and she had a funny look on her face.  I asked her what was confusing her— she stated that she can’t imagine that the women that she works with struggle with this concept of “finding your voice”. She shared that they are all strong women that are very clear on who they are and what they want in life.

 

I listened to her and reminded her that although she must work with some strong authentic women, there are still plenty that are working daily on this goal.

 

I thought about this off and on for the rest of the day.  After dinner, I went out to my car and began to clean it out. I found a big bin of supplies I had left in my car since I had last given a large presentation.  I brought it in the house and dragged it upstairs to my office.  I took out my props and then I saw the many crumpled pieces of paper covering the bottom of the bin.

 

During the presentation, I asked these very strong, professional women to think about the beliefs that were holding them back in life.  What are all those negative thoughts that come to mind when you’re feeling bad about yourself?  Those “go to” ones that swirl around in your head and play in an endless loop in your brain?  Most of the time, you rationally accept that they don’t define you, but when you’re at your most vulnerable, you believe every single word.

 

I asked each woman in the room to write them down on paper and ceremoniously let them go by throwing them in my bin.  I watched as the whole room got busy writing on their small pieces of paper and eagerly came to me as I walked around, dragging my bin.

 

Now, back to the present— I’m sitting on the floor of my office and seeing the many crumpled pieces of paper. I decided that I would take a look and see what the women had written.  What I found, devastated me.  One after another, each woman shared that they were not enough. They weren’t smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.  Over and over and over I read the same exact words until I had cleaned out my whole bin.

 

I thought back to my friend and her comment about the strong women in her workplace.  They could never have a problem finding their own voice, right?  Wrong. Here was proof of what was really going on inside of all of us.  Yes, most of the time we know who we are, we’re successful, and we accomplish great things.  But down deep, way deep, there’s that constant nagging doubt that no matter what we accomplish, it just might not be ENOUGH.

 

Most of the time, you probably appear as if you have it together, you know what you want and you know where you’re going.  But if you’re brutally honest, you’ll admit that it’s sometimes a great illusion for others to witness. There are obviously still things that are holding of you (and even me!) back from true greatness and success. There are still doubts in each and every one of us that hold us back from unbridled happiness.

 

I believe that it’s time to let this go.

 

 

 

 

 

Let It Go

images kitten in mirror

 

I met a friend for lunch the other day.  As we talked, the conversation slowly turned to strong women “finding their inner sass”.  I was telling her about my presentation that I give on courage and confidence. During the talk, I spend time discussing why women struggle to find their voice.

 

I looked over at her and she had a funny look on her face.  I asked her what was confusing her— she stated that she can’t imagine that the women that she works with struggle with this concept of “finding your voice”. She shared that they are all strong women that are very clear on who they are and what they want in life.

 

I listened to her and reminded her that although she must work with some strong authentic women, there are still plenty that are working daily on this goal.

 

I thought about this off and on for the rest of the day.  After dinner, I went out to my car and began to clean it out. I found a big bin of supplies I had left in my car since I had last given a large presentation.  I brought it in the house and dragged it upstairs to my office.  I took out my props and then I saw the many crumpled pieces of paper covering the bottom of the bin.

 

During the presentation, I asked these very strong, professional women to think about the beliefs that were holding them back in life.  What are all those negative thoughts that come to mind when you’re feeling bad about yourself?  Those “go to” ones that swirl around in your head and play in an endless loop in your brain?  Most of the time, you rationally accept that they don’t define you, but when you’re at your most vulnerable, you believe every single word.

 

I asked each woman in the room to write them down on paper and ceremoniously let them go by throwing them in my bin.  I watched as the whole room got busy writing on their small pieces of paper and eagerly came to me as I walked around, dragging my bin.

 

Now, back to the present— I’m sitting on the floor of my office and seeing the many crumpled pieces of paper. I decided that I would take a look and see what the women had written.  What I found, devastated me.  One after another, each woman shared that they were not enough. They weren’t smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.  Over and over and over I read the same exact words until I had cleaned out my whole bin.

 

I thought back to my friend and her comment about the strong women in her workplace.  They could never have a problem finding their own voice, right?  Wrong. Here was proof of what was really going on inside of all of us.  Yes, most of the time we know who we are, we’re successful, and we accomplish great things.  But down deep, way deep, there’s that constant nagging doubt that no matter what we accomplish, it just might not be ENOUGH.

 

Most of the time, you probably appear as if you have it together, you know what you want and you know where you’re going.  But if you’re brutally honest, you’ll admit that it’s sometimes a great illusion for others to witness. There are obviously still things that are holding of you (and even me!) back from true greatness and success. There are still doubts in each and every one of us that hold us back from unbridled happiness.

 

I believe that it’s time to let this go.

 

 

 

 

 

Reaching Out

images reaching out

One trait that a resilient person has is the ability to stay involved and reach out to others during the low times. When you are struggling in life or going through a crisis, it’s quite easy to go inside yourself and spend time thinking.  Actually, it’s easy to spend way too much time thinking and overthinking, mulling things over.  You can become consumed with your thoughts and begin to descend into a negative spiral.

 

On the other hand, when you’re in this position you can make a point to fight this ingrained habit and change your behavior.

 

A couple weeks ago, I was coming back from Florida on a very early Monday morning.  The whirlwind of a weekend had included my son’s college graduation in Ann Arbor, where I stayed for less than 48 hours and then flew out to attend my nieces wedding in Marco Island. As you can imagine, by Monday morning at 6:00 AM, things were beginning to catch up with me. As can be expected from modern transportation, the trip back home would take all day.

 

If that wasn’t enough, I had an important keynote presentation to give the very next morning. Feeling exhausted and stressed while thinking about my impending commitment, I pulled out my notes to study.  To be honest, my head wasn’t in a good place as I focused on my work responsibility. I looked up from my notes and realized that the hurried professional woman I had noticed at check-in would be sitting next to me.

 

I tried to focus on my presentation notes like I had promised myself, but then quickly changed my mind.  Out of the blue, I reached out to the woman next to me.  I asked her where she was going and if she lived in Florida.  We began to talk and I quickly became engaged in the conversation.  She shared that she had served in Congress, had raised a family and continued to travel to Washington to work as an attorney.  We told stories about our careers, our children and life.  Before we knew it, we were in Atlanta and we were both searching for our next connections.

 

Ann had no idea how bad I needed to sit next to her that morning.  She did me a favor by engaging me in conversation and letting me take my mind off my own work to focus on her.  I say she did me a favor because I know that she had work of her own that she probably hoped to accomplish that morning.  And it doesn’t end there. When I got home later, I told my husband about meeting her and he inquired whether I had asked her to speak to my women’s group, 85 Broads— I totally forgot. I emailed her and told her that if she ever got up this way, we would love to have her speak. I truly didn’t expect an email back.

 

I was wrong. I got a long email back about how she would love to speak and how she had so enjoyed the conversation on our trip.

 

Let me recap what’s important about this story.  I was feeling stressed and anxious and focusing on myself was not aiding me in the preparation for my event the next day. My ability to recognize this as an issue was key.  I was able to change direction, reach out to someone else and be involved. In the process, I made a fabulous new friend and expanded my world.

 

The next time that you’re in a similar position at work or in your personal life, resist the urge to go inside your head and get lost in your own pain.  Issues often become much bigger and more muddled in your head.  Make an attempt to reach out to the people around you— it will help you move forward in life.