Four Things to Change

It’s no secret that I work daily with women that are itching to change their lives.  All my work with women has let me to realize that they tend to grapple with the same familiar issues over and over. These issues are the very things that end up holding women back from moving forward and finding happiness and success.  Where do you fall on this spectrum of behaviors that need to change?

 

Women have difficulty accepting compliments

I must confess that I’m guilty of this behavior. Do you know how many times I find myself doing this?  Here’s how the scenario usually unfolds: someone compliments me on my dress or outfit. I don’t say thank you, but I spend the next 5 minutes explaining to them the great deal I got on the dress, shoes etc.  Now, why do I do this? It’s because I feel awkward about receiving so much attention and positive praise. Obviously, I’ve been programmed to downplay the positives that come my way. I want to be liked. I need to stop this and so do you.

 

Women comparing themselves to others

If you tell me that you have never taken part in this behavior, I don’t believe you. At some point in your life, you fall back into this toxic pattern.  Some women play this game for a lifetime, which invariably results in unhappiness.  The reality is that there will always be someone with a better wardrobe, a more fabulous husband, a bigger house and a better life.  That is, it will appear to be that way.  No one’s life is perfect and women only let you see what they want you to see.  When you find yourself falling back into this behavior, do an inventory of your own unhappiness in your life, and know that this is really about YOU.

 

Women not accepting their own body

I know I talk about this a lot but I need to bring it up again. This is a universal issue for women and from my vantage point, it seems to be getting worse instead of better. Most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.  They spend a lot of time explaining to me why their body is not acceptable. I feel the key to making peace with your body is shifting your expectations and perspective.  Instead of zeroing in on the specific issues you have with your body, concentrate on making your body strong.  See your body as a tool you utilize to accomplish your goals. Get fit, get strong and let the rest go.

 

Women need to cut down on their daily dose of guilt

Many of you just assume that guilt comes with the roles of worker, wife, mom, and daughter.  Although some guilt is inevitable when you lead a multitasking life, many women take this to a whole new level.  Feeling guilt becomes a constant in their lives.  They fret about the minutiae in their day and constantly feel like they’re letting others down. It becomes so intense that they can’t even see that the person they’re letting down the most is the one staring in the mirror. I believe that they need a reality check from an outsider that can help them see the truth in the situation.

 

So the question you must honestly ask yourself is, “where do I fall in all this”?  Do I see myself in any of these descriptions?  If so, do some work in letting go of these toxic behaviors and becoming the person you were meant to be.

 

 

 

Four Things to Change

It’s no secret that I work daily with women that are itching to change their lives.  All my work with women has let me to realize that they tend to grapple with the same familiar issues over and over. These issues are the very things that end up holding women back from moving forward and finding happiness and success.  Where do you fall on this spectrum of behaviors that need to change?

 

Women have difficulty accepting compliments

I must confess that I’m guilty of this behavior. Do you know how many times I find myself doing this?  Here’s how the scenario usually unfolds: someone compliments me on my dress or outfit. I don’t say thank you, but I spend the next 5 minutes explaining to them the great deal I got on the dress, shoes etc.  Now, why do I do this? It’s because I feel awkward about receiving so much attention and positive praise. Obviously, I’ve been programmed to downplay the positives that come my way. I want to be liked. I need to stop this and so do you.

 

Women comparing themselves to others

If you tell me that you have never taken part in this behavior, I don’t believe you. At some point in your life, you fall back into this toxic pattern.  Some women play this game for a lifetime, which invariably results in unhappiness.  The reality is that there will always be someone with a better wardrobe, a more fabulous husband, a bigger house and a better life.  That is, it will appear to be that way.  No one’s life is perfect and women only let you see what they want you to see.  When you find yourself falling back into this behavior, do an inventory of your own unhappiness in your life, and know that this is really about YOU.

 

Women not accepting their own body

I know I talk about this a lot but I need to bring it up again. This is a universal issue for women and from my vantage point, it seems to be getting worse instead of better. Most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.  They spend a lot of time explaining to me why their body is not acceptable. I feel the key to making peace with your body is shifting your expectations and perspective.  Instead of zeroing in on the specific issues you have with your body, concentrate on making your body strong.  See your body as a tool you utilize to accomplish your goals. Get fit, get strong and let the rest go.

 

Women need to cut down on their daily dose of guilt

Many of you just assume that guilt comes with the roles of worker, wife, mom, and daughter.  Although some guilt is inevitable when you lead a multitasking life, many women take this to a whole new level.  Feeling guilt becomes a constant in their lives.  They fret about the minutiae in their day and constantly feel like they’re letting others down. It becomes so intense that they can’t even see that the person they’re letting down the most is the one staring in the mirror. I believe that they need a reality check from an outsider that can help them see the truth in the situation.

 

So the question you must honestly ask yourself is, “where do I fall in all this”?  Do I see myself in any of these descriptions?  If so, do some work in letting go of these toxic behaviors and becoming the person you were meant to be.

 

 

 

Birthday Lessons

It’s my birthday tomorrow. Thanks to Facebook, it isn’t a secret that it’s my birthday.  It’s normal protocol for people to ask what you’re doing to celebrate this special day.  I feel obligated to tell them something much more interesting than my reality— I’m going out to dinner with good friends.

 

Actually, my day stacks up like this: at 8:00, I’ll probably go to the gym and work out for an hour.  By 10:30, I have an appointment to take Biscuit and Joey, my two cats, to the Vet for a check-up.  This in itself should be an exciting experience.  The last time I attempted this trip, deep guttural sounds emanated from the back seat and scared the heck out of me. By 12:00, I have a friend taking me to lunch, and then I have an actual work appointment at 2:00. As you can see, my birthday promises to be one thrilling day.

 

But guess what? If I truly wanted my day to be any different than that, I would have planned it differently.  Anyway, as I contemplate another year on earth, let me share with you what I’ve learned.

 

Just when I think I have life all figured out, something happens to prove me wrong.

Somehow I thought that by the time I got to this age, I would have a good handle on everything.  I definitely understand myself better than when I was in my 20’s or 30’s, and what I need in my life to be happy.  However, I’m still pleasantly surprised when I learn something about people or life that I hadn’t encountered yet.  Maybe that’s possible because I leave my heart and mind open to learning.  I’m constantly searching for the answer and I’m always open to seeing another way to look at things.

 

“Things” matter less to me— my friends and family have become much more important.

My husband gave me a beautiful present for my birthday. I won’t deny that I enjoyed that experience, however, I didn’t need it to be happy.  The card made me happy (I’m totally serious). Being remembered made me happy.  Having both of my sons call me today and sing the whole “Happy Birthday” song definitely made me happy.  Going out to lunch with my good friend made me happy.  When you get to that point in your life, you’re at a very good place.

 

I no longer live my life with expectations of “how it’s supposed to or should be”.

I didn’t EXPECT a present from my husband.  Actually, I was quite surprised when I saw a box on my desk. That’s what made the present so enjoyable.  I didn’t expect my kids to call me.  I had a pretty good idea that they would remember, they usually do (sometimes with prodding).  However, if one of them had forgotten, I wouldn’t have been upset.  I wouldn’t have wondered why I wasn’t important or why this stuff happens to me.  The only thought in my head would be “I’m sure they’re pretty busy today”— and I would leave it at that.  Once you start expecting things, you become unhappy. You put yourself in a position to be very disappointed.

 

For the first time in my life, I have absolutely no baggage.

I’m being completely honest here— no baggage. If I asked my family, they would totally agree. I’m referring to all that unresolved relationship and experience stuff that you carry around.  Letting go of your baggage takes dedication and hard work, but it’s more than worth it. For the first time, you will experience a feeling of freedom.  I recommend it for anyone that’s struggling with moving forward in her life.

 

I look forward to sharing my “revelations” about life next year at this same time.

 

Dealing with Disappointment

My son was home from college for two weeks during the holidays.  I had talked to him before the break and had secured his “employment” in sound production. I wanted to make an audiobook of “31 Days to Finding Your Inner Sass”.  We had discussed the process and he reassured me he knew exactly what needed to be done.

 

You see, my son is a Music Production major and regularly records his own work.  He knows everything about recording and sound. He’s also a perfectionist- which can be a good thing or a bad thing, dependent on the situation.  Frankly, I usually like this quality in my employees.

 

I’m not quite sure why, but I had assumed this whole process would be simple. All you have to do is read into a microphone right?  How hard could it be? I didn’t realize the number of times that I stumble or slur my words when I speak.  My son pointed it out to me.  Day one in the studio, I also learned that you should never drink carbonated drinks while recording. Even the smallest gurgle sounds huge when you’re mic’ed so close.

 

This process was truly a learning experience for me. For example, I learned that the more you let me know I’m saying a word incorrectly, the more I continue to have difficulty saying the word.  It was not unusual to have me repeat a sentence four times until I got it right. As you can imagine, this was a time consuming process.

 

On day two, I got in big trouble. I was reading Chapter 7 when my son dramatically stopped the recording, tore off his headphones, and pointed at my mouth. “Are you chewing gum?”  I said nothing. He continued, “Mom, are you chewing gum?”.  Finally, with my head down, I said yes. Then, with all his professionalism, he said loudly, “You do not bring gum into a studio!!” I was busted and embarrassed.

 

My point in sharing all of these details is to let you know that I was NOT having fun. This was intense work that took hours and hours. I hadn’t comprehended what a time commitment this was going to be until I was in the thick of it. We continued to trudge through more chapters, and my little perfectionist continued to stop me every couple sentences.

 

On day three, we had plans to start recording at 2:00 pm.  At 1:30 pm I received a call from him. “Mom”, he said very calmly, “I don’t want you to panic, but my computer crashed last night”. I inquired into what that actually meant- did he lose everything we had completed?  He shared how he was on his way to the Apple store to see if it could be fixed. I asked him to keep me posted. To make a long story short, he found out that everything on his computer was forever gone.

 

As we went out to dinner that night, my husband turned to my son and I and asked why we weren’t more upset.  He couldn’t fathom how I had gone through this whole day without having an outburst of some kind.  “There’s nothing we can do about it”. We had calmly problem-solved but to no avail. The facts were the facts: we had to start again, whether we liked it or not.

 

Things are going to happen to you in life. Some of them will be more than frustrating and you might feel like “throwing in the towel”. You can get involved in your emotions and how life is so unfair to you. You can go on for days, obsessing and getting yourself more aggravated. This will lead to a big expenditure of energy and a real waste of your time.

 

I don’t know about yours, but I decided my time, energy and happiness is way too valuable.