Resilience

 

I had a great conversation with a woman the other day. She worked in a male-dominated field and had encountered numerous hardships and obstacles on her way to success. Her professional AND personal life was filled with experiences that might have detoured many others from a path to the top. However, she was able to somehow navigate her life and despite the odds, find happiness and success.  How is that possible?

 

It’s a little thing called resilience.  Some women have it and some women don’t.  Resilience is the ability to turn disruptive changes and obstacles into opportunities for growth. It’s the ability to deal with change in your life, be flexible and spring back better than ever. Let’s get something clear up front: being resilient doesn’t mean that you don’t feel pain, grief, or sadness when bad things happen. It just means that you confront your feelings, weather the storm and find your way to the other side.

 

Research has shown that some individuals are genetically predisposed to be optimistic and see the positive side of life.  They’re just naturally born with a temperament that enables them to approach their days with a sunny disposition. Research also has revealed that many others receive these desired skills from a combination of environmental factors, including parental interaction. By struggling with obstacles at a young age, they learn to independently handle pressures and stresses in an effective manner.

 

Women that have resilience take responsibility for their actions in life. When things go wrong, they are inquisitive and try to understand and make sense of the situation. They have strong problem-solving skills and can calmly review the options and find a rational solution.  They believe that they have control of their universe. In other words, they make things happen— things don’t happen to them.

 

When I was growing up, I was lucky enough to have a mom that encouraged me to be a problem-solver. She led me to believe that every problem had a solution and guided me through the problem-solving process. She prodded me to confront issues directly and get outside support if needed. All of this led me to believe that I had the confidence to call the shots in my life and I could make things happen.

 

That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t sad with the usual disappointments in my life.  I remember a number of times that I felt anxious and stressed over various jobs, family struggles and friendship break-ups. The difference is that I allowed myself to fully feel, which then led to understanding, and finally making sense and finding meaning in the experience.  I didn’t stay stuck forever; eventually I shrugged it off and moved on.

 

But what if you didn’t have a positive childhood experience and you’re not genetically predisposed for resilience? Is there a way that you can develop your skills and become strong? The answer is yes. It takes work and commitment but you can take control of your life. It’s a matter of getting more in touch with your emotions and pushing yourself to become comfortable with change.  It involves finding meaning and purpose in the “bad” times in your life and redefining some of your thoughts and beliefs about the world. Yes, it’s possible to learn to soar through your career and personal struggles and come out on the other side better than ever.

 

It’s just a matter of wanting to make a change.

Women and Friendships

I was having dinner with two work friends the other evening and the talk turned to women and friendships.  One of my friends shared how she had recently joined a new group and certain women were making it abundantly clear that she was not accepted.  She had “heard” that they resented her material possessions— her house, her car etc. Of course, this was conveyed in a passive-aggressive manner. Never the less, she had received the very clear message that she was not like them.  She was different and that was not a good thing.  She felt understandably angry about not being accepted, but beneath the anger was hurt.

 

The conversation turned to why women take part in this negative behavior.  You know, the junior high and high school antics that are forever etched in our memory. Well, at least they are in mine.  I remember clearly being iced out of my clique in 8th grade by a group of mean girls. The hurt was devastating at that age and it truly felt as if I wouldn’t survive this experience.

 

The pain is not any less intense when you encounter the same behavior as an adult. In the 2005 book, “Mean Girls Grown Up”, women studies and relational aggression author Cheryl Dellasega explored what happened to those mean girls when they grew up.  Will it shock you if I tell you that the author concluded that a significant number of them continue to act aggressively (or passive-aggressively) in their personal and professional life?  The power games and targeted, attacking behavior are a part of their regular interactions.

 

So what can you do when you encounter this type of behavior?

 

1. As difficult as it is, don’t get caught up in this toxic encounter.  Step outside the experience and take an objective look at the situation. Sometimes you can get so tied up in your own hurt and anger, you can fail to see how this is less about your insecurities and more about someone else’s. This is typical behavior for a woman that feels threatened.  Understand and accept that you probably have nothing to do with her reaction. If you can do a self-check and agree that you have been nothing but kind and respectful to this individual, then try your best to move on.

 

2.  Focus on the friendships that nourish and feed you.  It’s human behavior to focus on what we can’t have and the negatives in our life.  However, force yourself to focus on the good and the quality friendships that do exist.  Invest your time in the relationships that are based on non-judgmental acceptance. These friendships are proof that you are more than capable of lasting, loving relationships.

 

3.  If you’re feeling strong and your emotions are in check, attempt to have a healthy discussion with the individual. State the facts, convey how the situation made you feel, and say what you would like to see happen. To be effective, you must approach this devoid of all emotion, name-calling, and finger pointing. Don’t expect miracles in this approach— chances are good that she’ll refuse to take any responsibility. However, expressing your feelings in a healthy manner could help YOU feel some power in the situation and more at peace.

 

It’s difficult enough for women to succeed with the pressures in today’s workplace. All women need to support one another and REFUSE to turn a blind eye to mean girl behavior in the workplace and beyond.

 

I’m calling an all out war— who’s with me?

Guilty Pleasures

I was having a conversation with my hair stylist the other day. She wondered whether I had been watching any interesting television shows. I reminded her that I don’t really watch much T.V. However, I always make time for the Housewives series on Bravo. After she stopped laughing, she looked at me and said, “That seems like a strange show for YOU to watch. I would never peg you for someone who would watch that kind of stuff”. I then explained how I enjoyed observing the toxic behaviors on the show and diagnosing the women from my family room couch. I suppose that’s the socially acceptable answer to her question. What’s most likely the real truth? The show is my guilty pleasure— my mindless guilty pleasure.

 

According to the dictionary, the definition of a guilty pleasure is the following: “Something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilty for enjoying it.”  It appears that we fear the reaction from others after sharing our embarrassing lack of taste. This is what truly makes it a GUILTY pleasure.

 

I must now confess that watching the Housewives isn’t my only guilty pleasure. A couple more come to mind.

 

I read People and Us magazine on every plane trip.

During the week, I can be caught reading on the Internet and always being up to date on the news.  I read Newsweek, the daily paper, Psychology and Entrepreneur Magazines and numerous books for my business.  However, if I’m traveling on a plane, my ritual involves stopping in the airport store to buy People and Us magazine. I get pretty excited about reading these and the anticipation builds as I board the plane.  I usually read Us first and become amused by the usual “celebrities are just like us! They buy ice cream, they reach for items on shelves etc.”. By the time I begin to peruse People, I’m sated.  I am reminded why I don’t read this every week.

 

I eat a salad and popcorn for dinner.

The other night, my next-door neighbor and her 10-year-old daughter came over while I was eating dinner with my husband.  The young girl was going to receive instruction on how to take care of my dog while I was away.  It so happens that we were in the middle of dinner— my husband had made me a salad topped with chicken. Also on the table was one of those long tubes of popcorn. As they surveyed my dinner table, I felt compelled to explain how popcorn falls into a food group.  Later, my husband mentioned how the little girl was probably envious of what I get to eat for dinner.  OK, so I don’t do it that often, but when I do, I thoroughly enjoy it.

 

I eat a snack in bed every night.

Actually, my favorite snack in bed is a Wendy’s Frosty.  Honestly, there’s nothing better. However, you do run the risk of melting ice cream on your sheets.  On the healthier side, I often eat blueberries, raspberries or yogurt under the covers.  Again, you do run the risk of purple stains, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’m not very proud of this behavior but it is thoroughly enjoyable.

 

I sometimes take a bubble bath in the middle of the day.

There are days where I’m writing and working at my desk until the afternoon.  Sometime between 2 or 3, I begin to think about how a hot bubble bath would be the perfect accompaniment to the workday.  This seems quite decadent to do in the middle of the workweek AND the afternoon.  However, that makes this experience all the more enjoyable. Yes, it’s truly my guilty pleasure.

 

Guilty pleasures can actually be good for your mental and physical health. I suppose if I ate popcorn and salad every night for dinner, it probably wouldn’t be beneficial to my health. The key is to approach these guilty pleasures with moderation. When indulging on rare occasions, I believe it can be quite good for your psyche.

 

 

 

 

Face your Fears

Recently, I used a magic wand in a speaking presentation.  It happens to be one of my favorite props for a number of reasons.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all we needed to do was raise our magic wand and poof— all our fears and challenges in life would just go away? In just one wave of a wand, you could have your perfect carefree life, devoid of all the distress and challenges. Many women I come across think that it’s just that easy.

 

When I was in grade school, I was deathly afraid of speaking in front of the class, which I’m sure is very hard to believe. However, this confession is true.  In fact, my fear was so real that I would actually be in terror from the day I was assigned the date of my presentation to the day I finally presented.  On a regular basis, I would work myself up into such a panic that I would get genuinely sick on my appointed day to speak.  My fear was all encompassing.

 

Now, I’m not sure from where this fear originated. I don’t recollect any traumatic experiences during a class presentation, I just remember being so incredibly scared that I couldn’t even function.  Throughout Junior High and High School, this same fear didn’t leave me. The thought of standing in front of everyone was just horrifying to me.  In each speaking experience, I went through the same dreaded feelings and the same apprehension beforehand.

 

When I went away to college, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to live my life hiding in fear any longer.  My mother had always taught me to face confrontation and problems head-on and that’s exactly what I intended to do.  You know why? Because the feeling I had when backing down to my fear was worst than the actual fear. The feelings I experienced while giving in to this challenge was hurting my self-esteem. I decided that taking a speech class was the best way to tackle the issue.

 

Something funny happened on the way to confronting my fear: I realized that I was a pretty good speaker.  Sure, the first week was dicey, but as time went on, I just got better and better. Each week, I gained a little more confidence and assurance in my presentation skills.  By the end of the class, I was actually enjoying myself.  My fear had vanished and as unbelievable as it sounds, there was excitement and enjoyment in its place.

 

Now, back to the magic wand. I’m sorry to say that there’s no quick fix to overcoming your fears. There’s no short cut to gaining courage and confidence in life.  I talk to plenty of women that want to believe they can put a band-aid on the problem and call it a day.  The truth is that your courage, confidence or “inner sass” grows with life experiences. It strengthens when you confront your demons and refuse to back down regardless of how anxious, uncomfortable and miserable you become during the process.

 

I don’t know what’s on your list of fears but I do know one thing for sure— not confronting your fear slowly chips away at your confidence and self-worth. You might not be conscious of this fact but it’s true.

 

My advice to you is to throw away the magic wand and do the hard work. Whatever you fear is probably way past it’s expiration date.

Face your Fears

Recently, I used a magic wand in a speaking presentation.  It happens to be one of my favorite props for a number of reasons.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all we needed to do was raise our magic wand and poof— all our fears and challenges in life would just go away? In just one wave of a wand, you could have your perfect carefree life, devoid of all the distress and challenges. Many women I come across think that it’s just that easy.

 

When I was in grade school, I was deathly afraid of speaking in front of the class, which I’m sure is very hard to believe. However, this confession is true.  In fact, my fear was so real that I would actually be in terror from the day I was assigned the date of my presentation to the day I finally presented.  On a regular basis, I would work myself up into such a panic that I would get genuinely sick on my appointed day to speak.  My fear was all encompassing.

 

Now, I’m not sure from where this fear originated. I don’t recollect any traumatic experiences during a class presentation, I just remember being so incredibly scared that I couldn’t even function.  Throughout Junior High and High School, this same fear didn’t leave me. The thought of standing in front of everyone was just horrifying to me.  In each speaking experience, I went through the same dreaded feelings and the same apprehension beforehand.

 

When I went away to college, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to live my life hiding in fear any longer.  My mother had always taught me to face confrontation and problems head-on and that’s exactly what I intended to do.  You know why? Because the feeling I had when backing down to my fear was worst than the actual fear. The feelings I experienced while giving in to this challenge was hurting my self-esteem. I decided that taking a speech class was the best way to tackle the issue.

 

Something funny happened on the way to confronting my fear: I realized that I was a pretty good speaker.  Sure, the first week was dicey, but as time went on, I just got better and better. Each week, I gained a little more confidence and assurance in my presentation skills.  By the end of the class, I was actually enjoying myself.  My fear had vanished and as unbelievable as it sounds, there was excitement and enjoyment in its place.

 

Now, back to the magic wand. I’m sorry to say that there’s no quick fix to overcoming your fears. There’s no short cut to gaining courage and confidence in life.  I talk to plenty of women that want to believe they can put a band-aid on the problem and call it a day.  The truth is that your courage, confidence or “inner sass” grows with life experiences. It strengthens when you confront your demons and refuse to back down regardless of how anxious, uncomfortable and miserable you become during the process.

 

I don’t know what’s on your list of fears but I do know one thing for sure— not confronting your fear slowly chips away at your confidence and self-worth. You might not be conscious of this fact but it’s true.

 

My advice to you is to throw away the magic wand and do the hard work. Whatever you fear is probably way past it’s expiration date.

Rules

Yesterday, I traveled to Columbus to visit my sister. It was her birthday and I wanted to take her out to lunch. After discussing our many options, we settled on our destination and made our way to the restaurant. As we were walking to the door, she commented on my shorts.

 

“Are you wearing white shorts because it’s the last day you can wear them?” She then shared that that was why she had decided to wear her white shorts. This was the last time she could have them on until next year because it was Labor Day. I thought about her comment for a few seconds before responding to her statement.  I replied that it really hadn’t occurred to me that this was my last wearing before I was forced to put my shorts in the drawer.

 

Mind you, I said all of this with a smirk on my face and a sarcastic tone. I then asked her why it was acceptable to wear a white shirt anytime of the year, but white on the bottom half of your body was unacceptable after Labor Day?  This last question didn’t bode well with her.  She shared that she didn’t care what I decided to do, but she always abides by the rule.

 

The next morning, I woke up and went to work out. After my shower, I perused my closet to decide what to wear. I caught sight of my white pants and replayed in my head the whole conversation from the day before.  With a smile on my face, I grabbed the pants off the hanger and proudly put them on.

 

Yes, it was quite a rebellious act.  I was wearing my white pants the day after Labor Day! I tried to pay attention during the day to see if anything unusual would transpire from this risky decision. I don’t want to disappoint you, but absolutely nothing happened.   No one stopped and told me that I had to go home and change. The waitress did not refuse to serve me lunch at the restaurant.  I didn’t see one stare or whisper about my lack of fashion sense. In fact, I felt incredibly sassy all day.

 

I suppose the big question to ponder is this:

Why do women abide by rules that make absolutely no sense? Why wouldn’t you do what feels right to you? Why wouldn’t you just trust your own judgment?

 

It’s very possible that you were, like many women, taught at a young age to be agreeable and follow the rules. You were probably encouraged to please others and were rewarded for doing so.  Even if you’ve become strong and confident, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. You might blindly adhere to the rules that others have set for you without giving thought as to whether they make any sense at all.

 

The happiest and most successful women in life are able to identify when they should follow the rules and when they should break them.  Now that I think about it, the happiest women know how to MAKE the rules!

Purpose and Passion

I had a business meeting with a new contact the other day. As we chatted, the conversation turned to my involvement in 85 Broads. For those of you not familiar with the group, 85 Broads is a network of women professionals that support and empower each other to achieve their goals. I have recently taken on the role of President in the organization.

 

With pride, I shared some of the social and philanthropic events we’ve organized in the past year. I explained how women prefer to get to know one another before doing business together.  After I was done giving a general overview of the organization and my involvement, he looked at me confused and asked the question that left me speechless—

 

“But what’s in it for you as President— why do you do this?”

Honestly, I didn’t even know how to answer that. I had just spent a good five minutes explaining the wonderful assets of the organization and the many things we had accomplished as a team. I stared at him with a confused look on my face. I had to take my time to formulate my response.

 

The remainder of the day, I mulled over the interaction. It eventually occurred to me that maybe he didn’t understand what it feels like to be motivated with purpose and passion. Yes, I thought, he was referring to being monetarily compensated. He had listened to my whole passionate explanation of the organization and still didn’t understand how I could pour so much of myself into a position that didn’t monetarily reward me.

 

My purpose in my life is clear to anyone that knows me.  I passionately coach women to achieve their goals and go after their dreams.  I encourage them to live their life true to who they are. I support them to make changes and push forward to go after what they want.  My strengths are seen daily in my work: my ability to influence, support and empower others to achieve the impossible. When I’m working within my own strengths, I feel strong and empowered. In other words, I feel that I’m the best version of me.

 

Being President of 85 Broads gives me the opportunity to positively impact the lives of women in our community and beyond. It enables me to expand my work in life beyond my own business.  It gives back in ways that can’t even be explained.

 

Recently, I was walking around the side of the house and noticed where I had placed some dead hanging plants.  There, among the dead, ugly brown leaves was one beautiful flower. I stopped what I was doing to marvel at the plant.  How did that happen?  How did that one flower survive in such dry, poor conditions?  To me, that experience had meaning.

 

When you’re living your life with purpose and passion, every day has meaning.  You are crystal clear on your goals and what’s important to you in life.  You meet each day with enthusiasm for the work ahead. That’s not to say that there aren’t bad days. Eventually, bad things happen and you’re met with some disappointments and unhappiness.  However, when you’re living your life with clarity on your purpose, you’re able to bounce back much faster.  You thrive even in the poorest of conditions and can dig down deep to find the strength to persevere.  Just like that beautiful pink flower.

 

Apparently, I’ve found what nurtures me to grow in a dry bed of weeds. I hope my new friend discovers the same someday.

 

Personality Tests

My husband came home from a week of job training that included test taking to discover personality traits.  He was excited to share it with me and wondered if I had come across this assessment in my career. As he explained his results, he tried to ascertain where I would fall on this test’s continuum.  I listened with amusement; he obviously took the whole process very seriously.

 

When I was in high school, I took a so-called career test to help me discover what I should do with my life. I waited with anticipation as the results were passed out to each one of us.  I scanned the paper feverishly to find the key to my future.  On the bottom of the page, it showed my results. I read the description of my future and slumped in my chair. According to the career inventory test, my perfect career was as a Nurses Aide. I’m not quite sure how this was decided, but I felt instantly depressed and defeated. To me, that seemed to be the farthest thing from who I was and what I wanted to do in life.  As I processed this information, a thought popped in my head: Why do I think that this test knows what I want in life? Only I can decide who I am and what I will accomplish in my life. How dare that test tell me that being a nurse’s aide is my fate!

 

That experience was pivotal for me.  It proved to me that tests are not always accurate and they should be treated as a guide and tool in the process of learning more about self.  Below are a few reasons why I feel that these assessments sometimes fail to deliver.

 

You can answer the questions as your wishful self, instead of who you actually are. People are not always honest when they take a test.  Sometimes, even though they’re instructed to give real answers, they can’t help but answer as the individual they desire to be in life, instead of how their traits and behavior actually play out. For example, maybe they believe only extroverts are successful in life.  In lieu of this, they unconsciously slant their answers to convey this trait.

 

Some individuals don’t understand “self” well enough to answer appropriately.  It comes down to knowing you.  If you haven’t done your work to learn more about who you are, it’s very possible that your test won’t clearly reflect the true you.  Many of the questions demand an individual to reflect on their own behavior, and some people just don’t see themselves very clearly.  They may not be able to recognize some of their behaviors and actions in life.

 

The test results could change according to how you’re feeling about yourself. I remember taking a test at a time in my life where I was miserable in my career. According to the administrator, it was to reveal my strengths and my personality.  If I shared the results, you would have one of the biggest laughs of your life. I wasn’t in a good place in my life, and that really came through in the results. I didn’t answer the questions like my usual self, and the results were quite skewed. Looking back now, I’m thankful that I didn’t take them to heart and build my life around them.

 

I use assessments daily in my coaching work. However, I see them as another tool to use in the process.  Healthy discussion on key topics is often more helpful in uncovering the information that will help us find your path. Don’t put more trust in these assessments than they actually deserve.

A Dose of Reality

Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant was recently on the news, sharing his views on education and working moms. In front of a large crowd, he quoted the following—

“Our country’s education problems began when mothers went into the workplace in large numbers.” As you can imagine, he received incredible backlash for that thought.  He later changed that statement to something a bit more palatable for the many dual career families in the audience.

 

There’s nothing new about the controversy surrounding moms working outside the home vs. moms working at home. In fact, when my own children were younger, I was surprised by the strong opinions on both sides of the fence. We’ve been having this battle about “what’s best for the kids” for a long time.  However, the battle we really need to pay attention to is the one going on in our own heads.

 

I coach very successful career-minded women that juggle numerous responsibilities. They feel tremendous pressure to succeed in their careers and in their personal life.  They are devoted to their families and every day is a struggle to make their lives run smoothly. My job involves helping them to identify their priorities in life and subsequently create a life that better reflects their priorities. That said, I’ve witnessed a mode of thinking that has become prevalent with successful career women— their need to not only succeed in their careers, but also be the absolute perfect parent.

 

So I guess the question becomes, what makes a perfect mother?  Is it creating a homemade dinner every night for your family? Is it baking daily for your family or making a handmade Halloween costume for your child every year?  Could it be getting your child involved in every extracurricular possible to ensure success in their life?  Maybe it’s volunteering weekly in each one of your child’s classes at school?

 

I hear a lot of this faulty thinking with successful women.  They struggle with guilt daily because of their inability to do everything they BELIEVE it takes to raise a successful child. Social Media just magnifies the guilt. On Pinterest, you can view the beautiful cakes that moms are making or the incredible craft projects. On Facebook, you can hear how a fellow mom’s child just received a 36 on her ACTS and another mom’s child just received a full scholarship to college. The pressure is on to show that you too can mold a child into a successful wonder.  But, how can you do everything, and is that even realistic? Something eventually has to give, and most of the time it’s the woman’s own needs that go unmet.

 

I have raised two sons while working outside the home.  Here’s what I know, having lived the experience as a Mental Health Therapist and a parent: Don’t get so lost that you can’t see the forest for the trees. Don’t lose sight of your true priorities.  You want to raise a successful, confident, independent child that has integrity? Then give them the tools to achieve this. Give them unconditional love, rules to feel safe and your QUALITY TIME.   When you’re with them, be present and listen. Make sure they feel that they can always come to you with a problem and you will help them think it through. Be a role model for your children and don’t be so stressed that you miss the opportunity to take advantage of those teachable moments.

 

Let go of the rest.

 

Let me be honest here— if I asked my kids what they remember from their childhood, they’re not going to mention the perfect meal, homemade cake, or the many hours I logged in their classroom. Those are great if you truly have the time to make it happen.  However, They WILL mention the time I went hiking with them or the time I listened to them when they were going through a crisis.

 

So all you working moms out there— get your priorities straight and stop listening to the inside chatter. Be present in the times that truly matter.

 

 

 

A Dose of Reality

Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant was recently on the news, sharing his views on education and working moms. In front of a large crowd, he quoted the following—

“Our country’s education problems began when mothers went into the workplace in large numbers.” As you can imagine, he received incredible backlash for that thought.  He later changed that statement to something a bit more palatable for the many dual career families in the audience.

 

There’s nothing new about the controversy surrounding moms working outside the home vs. moms working at home. In fact, when my own children were younger, I was surprised by the strong opinions on both sides of the fence. We’ve been having this battle about “what’s best for the kids” for a long time.  However, the battle we really need to pay attention to is the one going on in our own heads.

 

I coach very successful career-minded women that juggle numerous responsibilities. They feel tremendous pressure to succeed in their careers and in their personal life.  They are devoted to their families and every day is a struggle to make their lives run smoothly. My job involves helping them to identify their priorities in life and subsequently create a life that better reflects their priorities. That said, I’ve witnessed a mode of thinking that has become prevalent with successful career women— their need to not only succeed in their careers, but also be the absolute perfect parent.

 

So I guess the question becomes, what makes a perfect mother?  Is it creating a homemade dinner every night for your family? Is it baking daily for your family or making a handmade Halloween costume for your child every year?  Could it be getting your child involved in every extracurricular possible to ensure success in their life?  Maybe it’s volunteering weekly in each one of your child’s classes at school?

 

I hear a lot of this faulty thinking with successful women.  They struggle with guilt daily because of their inability to do everything they BELIEVE it takes to raise a successful child. Social Media just magnifies the guilt. On Pinterest, you can view the beautiful cakes that moms are making or the incredible craft projects. On Facebook, you can hear how a fellow mom’s child just received a 36 on her ACTS and another mom’s child just received a full scholarship to college. The pressure is on to show that you too can mold a child into a successful wonder.  But, how can you do everything, and is that even realistic? Something eventually has to give, and most of the time it’s the woman’s own needs that go unmet.

 

I have raised two sons while working outside the home.  Here’s what I know, having lived the experience as a Mental Health Therapist and a parent: Don’t get so lost that you can’t see the forest for the trees. Don’t lose sight of your true priorities.  You want to raise a successful, confident, independent child that has integrity? Then give them the tools to achieve this. Give them unconditional love, rules to feel safe and your QUALITY TIME.   When you’re with them, be present and listen. Make sure they feel that they can always come to you with a problem and you will help them think it through. Be a role model for your children and don’t be so stressed that you miss the opportunity to take advantage of those teachable moments.

 

Let go of the rest.

 

Let me be honest here— if I asked my kids what they remember from their childhood, they’re not going to mention the perfect meal, homemade cake, or the many hours I logged in their classroom. Those are great if you truly have the time to make it happen.  However, They WILL mention the time I went hiking with them or the time I listened to them when they were going through a crisis.

 

So all you working moms out there— get your priorities straight and stop listening to the inside chatter. Be present in the times that truly matter.