Life Lessons Learned From a Pup

After Willie the pug passed on to Dog Heaven, my husband refused to entertain any discussions about getting another dog. What’s funny about this scenario is that it was HIM that had insisted on getting Willie in the first place. When my oldest son started third grade, my husband decided that it was time to get a dog. I hadn’t grown up with dogs, so I discouraged any movement in this direction. I grew up in a cat family and I felt more comfortable around them since I had no idea what to do with a dog. I felt totally fulfilled having Fred, the cat.

 

My husband eventually won the war and he found Willie through a Rescue organization. We came to love Willie, even though we spent numerous hours searching for Willie in the neighborhood. Willie had a penchant for “being on the run” and I suppose that’s how he came to be a rescue dog. He perfected his getaway through a tiny space in the fence. The whole family toiled away hours searching for him again and again. In fact, when people would see me driving around the area, they would yell to me “I’ll keep an eye out for Willie.” They didn’t know my name, but they definitely knew his.

 

The point is that Willie wasn’t the easiest first dog. That’s probably why when he died my husband said, “no more dogs.” But I was insistent — I wanted another dog. In fact, I wanted another dog so much that I researched pugs all over Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky, determined to find the right one. The person that didn’t want the dog became insistent on having another dog.

 

With my husband out of town, I drove down to Lexington to pick out a dog. My 17-year-old son fought for the youngest puppy but I set eyes on 6-month-old Miles and knew he was “the one.” We brought him home and I took full responsibility for him. Let’s face it, this was my dog — which is ironic since I originally didn’t even know what to do with a dog!

 

During this time, I was working as a Mental Health Therapist in Social Services. On Mondays, the Psychiatrist would come in to see my clients and prescribe medications. We were eating lunch together and talking when I shared with him my story about picking out Miles, the Pug. “Hmmmm…interesting,” he said.

 

“You do understand why you insisted on getting the dog, don’t you? That dog is a replacement for your children that are almost grown and gone. It gives you something to nurture and love — it’s a healthy way to handle your loss.” What a typical statement from a Psychiatrist! Then, for the next few minutes, I mulled over what he had shared.

 

I had to admit it, but he nailed it! That’s exactly what I was doing; I just wasn’t cognizant of my intentions at the time. That dog was mine and I treated him like a child. I had found a way to deal with the fact that my life was transitioning to a new phase. I was preparing myself for the change in my life by having a new little one to nurture and care for. I did it so effortlessly that I hadn’t even noticed what I was doing.

 

When life changes, you have a couple of options on how to handle it. You can keep looking back and lamenting on how you don’t want your life to change and hang on to the past like there’s no tomorrow. I can pretty much guarantee this option won’t make you very happy. Or, you can accept reality, learn a little more about YOU and figure out how to fill that need in your life in a positive, healthy manner. Delve a bit deeper and discover what will satisfy you today and in the future.

 

And it won’t be the worst thing in the world for you to come home with a dog.

Self-Esteem Quick Fixes

The other day, I came across an article that promised to give women instant confidence and self-esteem in 4 easy steps. Now don’t get me wrong— I highly support all measures to improve self-esteem. However, I’m just a bit skeptical that you can see results in a few hours of time.

 

The truth is that it takes a lifetime to build self-esteem.  You can’t build confidence and self-esteem by listening to a speaker or reading an article about self-esteem. If only it was that easy! Confidence and self-esteem are developed by the consistent actions and behaviors of an individual over a period of time.

 

So what can you do if you’re struggling with confidence?

 

Get to know YOU better.  There’s no way around this one; the key to building self-esteem is getting to know you and understanding what you need to be happy. Are you in touch with who you really are and what you need in life to be fulfilled? Are you aware of your skills, talents and passions and are they a part of your daily life?  I call this “living your life with genuinity”(my own term). Once you live your life true to you, you will feel comfortable and confident in your own skin.

 

Set a goal and accomplish it.  It seems pretty simple, doesn’t it?  You would be surprised at the number of women that go through life without actually defining certain goals they would like to reach.  The thing is that every time you are able to focus on a certain task and meet that expectation, you gain a little more confidence.  You feel a little more certain that the next goal you work on can also be met. No matter what the age, you never outgrow the need to raise and set the bar to reach another accomplishment.

 

Incorporate exercise into your life.  I’m a pretty firm believer that exercise is key for every woman that wants to feel good about herself.  You don’t have to aspire to attain the perfect body— you just need to move on a daily basis. The feeling of becoming physically stronger actually makes you feel mentally stronger.  On top of that, the endorphins released during exercise only add to that good feeling.  Suddenly, you are walking a little straighter with confidence. You feel good about you!

 

Face your fears. In order to feel good about you, get outside your comfort zone and really stretch yourself! This is where self-esteem gets a real boost. What’s ironic about this is that you might stay with what’s safe in life because you don’t want to fail; which you feel would lead to you feeling bad about you. However, the opposite is actually true— the more you stay safe, the less confident and self-assured you become.  It doesn’t feel good to know you don’t have the guts to challenge yourself.  If this sounds familiar, push yourself to take the plunge. The process of facing your fears is a huge step into self-esteem territory.

 

Find your voice. Take a good look at your life. Are you a pleaser?  Do you try to make everyone happy?  Do you feel people take advantage of you at work, or in friendships? Then you need to address this immediately and learn how to have healthier physical and emotional boundaries.  Until you do this hard work, you will struggle with self-esteem. Your ability to be able to articulate what you need, without worrying what others think, is imperative to your confidence level and self-worth.

 

This is what I want you to remember: building self-esteem is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight. It comes with having experiences coupled with consistent work to better understand “YOU”.  It happens when you have a vision of what you specifically need to be happy and you then take action to live that life.

 

A Lasting Impression

Have you ever given thought to the feeling you leave behind, after you’ve spent time with someone?

 

Think about what Maya Angelou said so eloquently, “ I learned that people will forget what you said, will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.

 

Last year, I was having lunch at a small deli with my husband.  I was enjoying my time when I noticed two women that were being seated near us.  I looked directly at one woman and immediately, a horrible feeling came over me.  I knew this woman looked familiar to me but couldn’t place her in my life.  What I knew was this— the moment she walked in, her presence made me very uncomfortable.

 

In my head, I searched for meaning. Who was this woman that elicited such strong, negative feelings from me? How strange it was that I would feel so much but remember so little!  I sifted through my brain to make sense of my strong reaction to her presence.  She smiled at me with some recognition but I still could not place the memory.  I actually felt guilt for feeling such strong negative feelings about someone that smiled at me!  Her presence interrupted my lunch and I had difficulty eating the rest of my meal. My husband could sense the change in my mood.

 

It took me two arduous hours of racking my brain to make the connection before I finally got it. Eventually, I had a memory flash of being in school, working on my Masters.  I saw this woman standing in the front of the class and explaining the very difficult project for the quarter.  I saw everyone squirming in their seats when she made it so clear how this one project would predict our whole grade for the class. The problem was that she made it so very difficult to ask her any questions as to what she truly wanted.

 

I also remember waiting for her to come into the classroom (apparently she was running late) and feeling uncomfortable that I needed to ask her if I could get into one of her other classes.  As she came in, I wanted to grab her attention before she started class. I walked up to her and began to ask my question.  She didn’t let me finish my sentence but barked for all to hear, “the least you can do is let a person get to their desk before you start attacking them”.  I was embarrassed and felt like a 6-year-old child.  I ended up not asking her whether I could get into her class.

 

With expectations always high for this professor, I was terrified to turn in the huge end-of-quarter project.  I was shocked to get my paper back— she had given me an almost perfect score (unheard of) and had added a paragraph as to how she was so impressed. The funny thing is, you’d think the results of my project would negate all those bad feelings. Not even a little bit!

 

Yes, I was left with the feeling that the woman enjoyed making me and others feel uncomfortable.  I was left with the feeling that she needed to control and intimidate everyone that she came across in her life.  The feeling that I just didn’t want to be around her— then and now.  Honestly, I don’t remember all the words she used but I remember how she made me and others feel inside.  Apparently, enough that I didn’t remember her— all I remembered was the feeling.

 

So I ask you to think about this— what feeling do you leave in the air after you spend time with someone?  Is it a feeling of hope, kindness, and authenticity?  Is it a feeling of trust, sincerity, and integrity?  Because the truth is that even when others might not remember the words you used, the emotion you made them feel will be etched in their memory forever.

 

 

Cultivating Creativity

I’ve worked with women in the past that are quite insistent that they don’t have a creative bone in their body. When I hear this nonsense, it becomes my mission in the coaching process to help them uncover their creativity.  The truth is that every woman is creative-she just hasn’t uncovered her creative gifts yet.  Often, these women have a very narrow definition of  “being creative”.  They view creativity as being expressed through art, when actually your creative sense can be expressed in numerous ways.

 

Even highly creative individuals hit a dry spell now and then. Just ask me. Lately, the process of writing my weekly blog had become tougher and tougher. Developing new ideas and being able to focus on my work became extremely difficult.  I would literally sit at my computer waiting for an epiphany— the more I wanted this to happen, the less inspired I became. After much thought, I realized that there were changes that I needed to make to get my “creative juices flowing” again.  So here are a few tips to either uncover your creative genius or get your creative “mojo” back!

 

Give yourself permission to slow down.  Is focusing on one thing at a time a foreign concept to you?  Is your schedule packed and do you run from one place to the next? Repeat after me: creativity is never going to thrive in a frenzied lifestyle. You need to slow down and give yourself some space to relax.  Do you know what mindfulness is? It’s the ability to be completely in touch with the present.  It’s the skill of accepting the thoughts that pass through your brain in a nonjudgmental way. Don’t analyze, don’t evaluate, just let the thoughts stream through your consciousness. When you can slow down and focus your attention on your thoughts, feelings and emotions, you are more inclined to have a creative sense.

 

Find what environment is conducive to your creativity.  We all have places that work better than others for our creativity.  Some women like to be with talking with their girlfriends.  Others feel creative when they are relaxed and having a cup of coffee in Starbucks.  I have found that some of my best ideas have arrived when I’m surrounded by nature.  I wrote 50% of my book, 31 Days to Finding Your Inner Sass”, sitting outside on my chaise lounge.  There is something about being outside, feeling the light breeze, and hearing the bird’s chatter that stimulates my creativity.  I know this works for me so it’s my “go to place” when I’m feeling stuck.  Try out different venues and see which ones spark your creativity.

 

Get your body moving to find your creativity. Now, you’re probably thinking this is just crazy. How is that supposed to help? But here’s the deal— when you’re exercising, your brain is busy wandering from thought to thought.  This is exactly when the best ideas happen. Also, exercising helps control your stress and anxiety, which are toxic to any creative thinking. On top of that, exercise improves your brain activity, which can only help your creativity. I can honestly say I’ve developed many ideas for blogs and projects on the elliptical in the gym. It certainly works for me.

 

Get outside your comfort zone.  Routine and monotony breed unimaginative thinking.  How to break out of your rut?  Change up the routines in your life and do something out of the ordinary, even if it’s something simple like going a different way to work. Try a new class, take up a new sport or go on an adventure.  Just be sure to do something that challenges you and puts you outside your comfort zone.

 

If the creativity has been missing from your life lately, give thought to some of the tips I have mentioned. I firmly believe that you are truly capable of being a highly creative genius.

 

Getting Smart With Smartphones

Recently, I attended a lunch and learn event that had a truly dynamic speaker. Her presentation was relevant to every single woman in the room and her delivery was excellent.  Since I attend a lot of events, I feel confident that I know a great speaker when I see and hear one.  Halfway through the presentation, I glanced around the room to get a sense of the crowd. Were they enjoying the speaker as much as I was?  Were they responding to what she had to share? The truth was that a large number of them were staring at their smartphones.

 

This aggravated me on a number of levels.  One, since I’m a speaker, I know how disheartening it is to be working the crowd and see people not even trying to make eye contact with you. Frankly, I find it disrespectful. Second, what could possibly be so important that the audience members can’t wait another 15 minutes to check their phones?

 

In a recent New York Times article, Dr. Elias Aboujaoude, director of the impulse control Disorders Clinic at Stanford University, shared that excessive use of the internet, cellphone and other technologies can cause us to become more impatient, forgetful and even more narcissistic.  Uh-oh. Follow up studies have shown that the immediacy of the internet and the efficiency of a smart phone can change the core of who we are.  I don’t know about you, but this gives me some thought.

 

Other studies have indicated that when students were asked to give up their technology for the day, they exhibited symptoms similar to drug dependency.  They actually went through a withdrawal process. Does any of this really surprise you?

 

I went for a bike ride the other night with my 20-year-old son.  We were having a great time when I spotted an old friend. I stopped to have a chat with her and catch up on her life.  I don’t believe I talked for more than 10 minutes at the most.  My son was about 12 feet ahead of me, standing by the lake.  The sun was getting close to setting and the scene was just beautiful.  When I caught up with him, I thanked him for waiting for me, and he proclaimed, “I had nothing to do for that whole time.  I didn’t have my iphone in my pocket.”

 

I can’t say that I’m not an offender myself.  There is the time I was standing with my husband at the check-out counter at the grocery store and decided that I had to check my emails on my phone, again. I had just done this not 10 minutes before.  He was talking to me and I wasn’t hearing a word that he said.  Finally, he stated loudly, “Will you please put that thing away?!!”

 

Is it possible that we have become too used to having every minute filled with stimulation? Are we so easily bored that we are in need of constant excitement?  Are we capable of doing one thing at a time anymore?

 

Maybe some of you are thinking that this certainly doesn’t pertain to you.  If so, congratulations— you are on the right path to finding balance with technology use.  The rest of you (including myself) might need to reflect on this a bit.  Do you find yourself staring at your phone while you talk to your kids? Do you take your phone to bed with you? Do you get excited when you hear someone has left you a message?

 

If so, I have a challenge for you. I hereby decree Sunday, August 26 no technology day.  Can you go a full day without connecting on your computer and phone?  I plan on doing it, and I’m going to see if I can talk my son into doing the same.  So, who’s in? Write to me and let me know your experience.

 

Routine Rewards

No matter how busy my day gets, I never go to sleep without taking a hot bubble bath. That’s right, every single night. In fact, if I don’t follow through on this ritual, I have trouble calming down for the night.  You see, taking a bath signifies the end of my day for me.  During those 15 minutes in the bathtub, I am able to turn everything off in my brain, decompress and relax.  It might not work for you, but it definitely works for me.

 

The point to sharing this bit of information is that routine can be good for you. Often, my focus with women is to get outside their box and do things a little differently. I encourage them to change it up and not get stuck in their usual routine. Although this is true, you also need some things that you can count on happening regularly.

 

You need to have routines in order to accomplish things in life. When I was a working mom with young children, I would have been lost without my routines.  I counted on these routines to accomplish all my responsibilities with the kids and the house in addition to my full-time job. On Sunday mornings, I routinely made out a list of what I was going to prepare for dinner each day of the coming week. After that was decided, I would make out my grocery list and go shopping.  I never wavered from my routine because in the long run, it made my life so much easier. My fitness goals would be impossible without routine. Honestly, it would make it way too easy to not go workout if I didn’t have certain days of the week that I exercise religiously. Today, I have routines that make it possible for me to accomplish the many responsibilities in my job.  If I didn’t have my routine of spending 30 minutes in the morning answering email before getting involved in other work, I wouldn’t be able to focus on the many other responsibilities of the day.

 

Routines help us feel comfortable and secure. Everyone in life needs things they can count on no matter what’s transpiring. Having routines helps you feel comforted and safe. With rituals, there are no surprises and you know exactly what to expect.  Frankly, we all need this in our lives so we can feel in control of our universe.  For example, I cook a homemade soup every single Sunday night. My family has come to expect it and look forward to it.  You could say that it has become a tradition in our house. Traditions and rituals are an important part of your life. When the world is spinning out of control, your traditions and rituals give you a sense of comfort and help you cope.

 

I want every woman to view life as an adventure, but I would be remiss not to remind you that having certain routines is also an essential part of your healthy life.  Strive for a balance of adventures that push your limits mixed in with routines and rituals that enable you to accomplish your goals.

A Girl Scout (Cookie) Lesson

I was chatting with some neighbors in my cul-de-sac the other night. The discussion began, of course, with a diatribe about the hot weather we were experiencing and quickly moved to other subjects. Somehow, the topic then turned to Girl Scouts when one of the mothers’ mentioned that her daughter would not be selling cookies next year.

 

I asked the young girl how many boxes of cookies she had sold the previous year and she replied that she had sold 150 boxes. The mom immediately shared that her daughter hadn’t sold most of them. She then went into an explanation about how she and her husband had worked hard to sell the majority of the cookies at their jobs. With the young girl present, she stated that she and her husband had done most of the work. Laughing, I reminded mom that she and dad had chosen to do most of the work.

 

After the conversation, I started thinking about my own Girl Scout experience. I remember receiving my cookie form and being determined to sell the most cookies in the troop. I went from door to door all through the neighborhood until I had exhausted the area. Once I saw the number of cookies adding up, I felt energized to sell more. I asked my mom for a copy of the Sunday School Directory and I spent hours poring over the list, and painstakingly calling each family on the list. I couldn’t leave voicemail messages, so I would keep track of who wasn’t answering and call back later or the next day. The point is this: I pretty much hounded the families until I got them on the phone and they said yes.

 

My mother and father were both employed, but I don’t recall either one taking my Girl Scout cookie list to work with them. They had enough on their plate — they didn’t need my responsibilities in addition to their own. It wouldn’t have occurred to them to even try to assist me in this endeavor since it was my responsibility. They bought quite a few boxes and that’s where their job ended. Frankly, I don’t remember them telling me how to sell, what to say or even monitoring where I was selling. I had to make my own decisions, figure out what worked and finesse my own sales approach.

 

That year was a life-changing year for me. It was the first time it had occurred to me that I had selling skills. Not only that, but I also learned that I was quite creative in my approaches to selling more cookies. It helped me get over the fear of talking to people I didn’t know and engaging them in conversation. I refined my communication skills and learned how to listen to people. It gave me the experience of working toward and achieving my goal. On top of all that, I gained problem-solving skills, making it a huge boost to my self-esteem and sense of independence.

 

Looking back, I am thankful that my parents allowed me to OWN this experience. I am disappointed that this young girl didn’t have the same opportunity. So, this is what I want you to think about: the next time you jump to help your daughter, son, husband, sister, or friend— give it some thought. Will assisting them move them closer toward their own goals or YOUR goals? Do they have more to gain in the long term if you stand back and let them navigate on their own? The bottom line is this: women learn and grow from their own experiences, regardless of whether they succeed or fail in the experience. Allow them to do it on their own and GROW

Four Friendship Feeding Habits

 

We were out to dinner with good friends last week, enjoying happy hour with sake and sushi. My friend relayed to the waitress what she wanted for dinner, and ended her order with, “I would like extra ginger please.” I looked up at her and smiled. You know why? Because my good friend ordered that for me — she knows that I always enjoy extra ginger with my sushi. I happen to think that makes her an awesome friend and definitely a keeper. That small action inspired this week’s blog; I realized that there are certain habits that feed your friendships.

 

Go out of your way to make your friends feel special. I know this is difficult when you’re juggling so many responsibilities in your life. You probably often feel like you can’t fit any more on your plate, emotionally or logistically! However, as crazy as it seems, that one moment when she ordered the ginger for me made me feel special. It meant that she pays attention to what makes me happy and she was thinking of me. Trust me, she has plenty to keep her busy right now in her own life. But somehow, in that moment, she was able to completely focus on our friendship.

 

Mean it when you say that you forgive and forget. There are women that verbalize that they forgive but don’t let truly go in their heart. They hold on to things in their close relationships and it eventually negatively impacts the relationship. It simmers beneath the surface and when the friendship hits rocky waters, the incident from many years ago comes spewing out of their mouth. Are you guilty of this? Please try to remember that forgiving someone truly means forgiving and moving on. Acknowledge your hurt or anger, work through the emotions and move on.

 

Listen to your friend and validate their feelings. When your friend is sharing a problem with you, you most likely want them to feel better. This could lead to you trying to “fix” the problem for them. However, usually what they want and need is for you to listen and validate that you understand what they are going through. With our busy lives, it’s sometimes hard to truly listen to someone. To be an active listener requires you to focus all of your attention and energy on that one task; however, it is well worth it. A point to remember during this process is to leave judgment out of the equation. True friends don’t judge; they let their friends know that they support them. Your friend might just need to share the problem in order to come to her own conclusions.

 

Be there for your friend in the good times and the bad. Let’s be honest here. Sometimes, it’s easier for us to be there for our friends when they’re down than it is when everything is going stellar for them. You know why? It’s a little thing called jealousy. It grabs a hold of you and it’s hard to shake. At times it’s downright embarrassing to us but at some point, it happens to everyone. Here’s a tip: acknowledge your feelings and work through them. It is normal to feel envy when your life is having a downturn and your friend’s life is soaring. Accept your feelings and move on. Eventually, the tables will be turned and you will appreciate the support.

 

I believe we all can agree that our friendships are very, very important to us. I encourage you to take an honest look at YOU and your friendships and make the changes needed to be an exceptional friend.

Living in the NOW!

This week, I had the exact same conversation with two different women who both had just returned from their summer vacations. I asked each one if they were rested and ready to get back to work and they gave me the very same answer, “I wish I had enjoyed my vacation more without feeling stressed and thinking too much about things.” I don’t know about your motive to go on vacation but mine is to enjoy myself and have fun. I want to be fully present in the moment of NOW!

 

Have you ever watched a group of children playing outside? They totally get the whole living in the moment concept! When I went for a walk last night, I became entranced watching these two little girls playing in the front of their house.  The one girl was wearing her pink shirt with matching flowered shorts and hot pink cowboy boots.  The other one had a head full of curls and a brightly colored dress on with neon Converse athletic shoes.  They ran and climbed with abandon, laughing and giggling as they played. Each was fully present, never planning what came next in their adventure together.

 

If only we could channel some of their mindfulness— their ability to be fully present and live each moment as it unfolds.  Their innate skill to enjoy so completely without giving thought to time or commitments. I believe each one of us can retrain our brains to live fully present in today.  Here are a few tips to help you live life in the moment.

 

Take part in an activity that reminds you of your childhood. You know, the activity that you feel is not appropriate for mature, responsible adults! A couple of years ago, I went on a trip to Florida to visit my sister.  The two of us spent the days lying out by the pool reading our books. Built into the middle of the pool was an extensive slide system that twisted and turned and ended up on a completely different side. I watched as all the kids took turns enjoying the ride, screaming the whole way.  There was no one over the age of 12 that attempted the slide.  Finally, I insisted to my sister that she go with me.  “I just washed my hair— you go if you want to go”.  After much pleading and begging, I pulled her from the chair and pushed her into the water.  To say she was irritated with me is an understatement.  Angry, she went down the slide with me, screaming the whole way.  She splashed in the water and said, “let’s go again”.  The whole time, she acted like she was doing me a favor but I knew better. She was having a blast and completely in the moment.

 

Make an effort to not be regretting the past, or worrying about the future-just live NOW. So many of us waste time ruminating about what has already transpired in life.  What a waste of time! You can’t change the past. Learn from it and move on. On the other hand, worrying about what could happen is a complete waste of your energy.  The most important piece to remember is this; while you’re worrying, regretting and fretting, you’re missing the opportunity to live completely now.  You’re missing out on what’s happening around you in the present and losing an opportunity to thoroughly enjoy your time today. The key to controlling this bad habit is to catch you while it is happening.  Call yourself out on this behavior and say out loud, “I choose to live my life NOW”.  It might not work the first or second time you try it, but slowly you will see a shift.  You will take notice of how much time you devote to this destructive behavior.

 

I don’t know about you, but I want to be the little girl with the flowered shorts and the hot pink cowboy boots. I want to enjoy life and find joy in every moment.  So if you see me wasting precious time worrying or fretting, please call me out on this. Let’s all live in the NOW.

 

 

Addressing Doubts

It happened last night. I had that dream again. You know, the one that signals that there’s something going on in my life I need to address. It’s the dream that keeps reoccurring again and again. Maybe the characters and settings are different from the last time, but the basic premise is the same.

 

I’m unsure of my age, but I’m definitely back in high school. I sense the familiar smell of thousands of adolescents crammed into a building. I visually see the same old hallways and the stairs that take me down to the first floor. Even my best high school friend, Sally, is there with me. We’re standing at her locker and chatting with a group of girls. Sally offers to put my books in her locker so we can leave for a class program in the auditorium.

 

Somehow, I become separated from Sally and I have no idea how to get to the program in the auditorium. I walk quickly through the halls, frantically searching for the room. I run up and down the stairs looking for my friends and for the place I am supposed to be. I’m required to attend the program and I certainly don’t want to be separated from everyone else! Ready to give up, I decide I should just retrieve my books and go home. However, I can’t get my books because they are locked in Sally’s locker. I stare at her locker feeling stressed and out of control. What I need is right before my eyes, but I just can’t get to it.

 

Even when you don’t think things are on your mind, your brain is always busy. At night while you sleep, your subconscious is attempting to work out all the issues and minutiae from the day’s activities. It’s trying to make sense of the emotional stress and unresolved feelings. Don’t underestimate what you can learn from your dreams. Take them at face value and look for themes and patterns.

 

No, it doesn’t mean I want to be in high school. What it does mean is that high school was a stressful time for me. I still remember those feelings I had during those years. The reoccurring theme in the dream is not being able to find the room on time. I’ve lived this dream many times over with only the setting changing: occasionally high school, sometimes college, and often an early job. As for the piece of the story where I’m so close to my books but can’t retrieve them? That’s where I see my present hopes and dreams becoming clearer, but I still can’t touch them.

 

You know the part of your life journey where you finally make the decision to move on a new change, job, or project? The beginning is so exciting and inspirational because you have finally decided to move forward. You no longer have inertia and you are energized to be moving toward a goal. The middle of your journey is a different story. That’s the time where you feel the anxiety and stress. That is when those thoughts start to creep into your consciousness and you begin to doubt yourself. Just maybe you are not capable of everything you THINK you are capable of in life. One bad thing happens and you wonder if you should take it as evidence that the whole thing is just not going to work. You were wrong and maybe a little crazy too.

 

My dream is a reflection of all the negative thoughts that I try to keep at bay during this journey. It’s all the things I try to stuff down, yet they’re simmering right beneath the surface. That dream is my vulnerability showing.

 

We all have our doubts and our questions as to whether we can accomplish what we have set out to accomplish. That middle part of the journey is definitely the hardest part. It’s OK to acknowledge your doubts during this time, but keep moving forward. Just put one foot in front of each other and keep focusing on the goal.